Rock, Paper, Shotgun

Call of Duty: Black Ops. CODBLOPS. BLOPS. COD. Cod. Heh, that’s a fish.

This is the exact process every human brain goes through upon trying to create an acronym for Activision’s record-obliterating mega-blockbuster, so it’s only natural that someone would eventually convert that lush, meaningful imagery back into a game. Thus, I bring you Cod of Duty. The basic premise? Evil fish terrorists are planning… something. It involves guns. And barrels. And being in barrels. Yes, this is a game in which you literally shoot fish in a barrel. The commentary, it is palpable. CODPALPS. Or something. I don’t know. Join me for some crunchy, lightly fish-flavored discussion after the break.

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Amazingly, ‘Call of Duty Online’ didn’t actually exist before now. They’re surely the most inevitable word-sequence in the world, after all. Even so, “free to play micro transaction first person action game” CODO isn’t for us. It’s one of those bally China-only games that exist to cater towards a community that is even more steeped in internetiness than Western gamers are, and more to the point is also steeped in rampant piracy. A multiplayer shooter that only exists online is, then, a logical step towards capturing the sprinting money-goliath that is China’s immense population. I guess it’s not impossible it’ll walk this way eventually, though for now I believe CoD: Elite is the spearhead of Activision’s Western fortune-hunting interests.
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Call of Duty 9: Black Ops 2: Modern Warfare 4 was rumoured to exist but if you’re anything like me, you’ll be flabbergasted to hear that the series is indeed continuing and the website for the game is now live, although the trailer that takes centre stage doesn’t work just yet. It’s apparently due to be premiered (red carpet?) this evening during the NBA Playoffs. The website does reveal that the game takes place in the near future, during a 21st century cold war. I bet it’s a cold war that involves surfing on top of a stealth fighter while shooting down a space shuttle full of nukes. November 13th is when the CoD blops once more. One more pic below.

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There’s a new live action trailer for Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. However, first of all, I’ve had enough of live action trailers for games. Secondly, it’s embarrassingly rubbish. So instead, below, you can watch Oliver Sacks giving a lecture on hallucinations.

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This trailer is like a metaphor for Call of Duty: Elite, Activision’s new enhanced online premium service package for the CODs. Is it supposed to be funny? You won’t be able to miss the best jokes, because “theLEGENDofKARL” says “Haha, get it?” after them all. Read the rest of this entry »

Someone’s getting a) bollocked b) fired c) executed tonight, I’m sure. If Kotaku’s sources are right, basically everything about this year’s Call of Duty has just been blown wide open and revealed to John Q. Public some six months before likely release. It’s Modern Warfare 3 and it’s…
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Eurogamer are throwing caution to the wind, babies out with bathwater, and quite possible, down, by announcing that they keep hearing rumours of Call Of Duty’s next release due on 8th November 2011. While Activision has yet to announce this year’s inevitable blockbuster best-seller Christmas smash hit, everyone’s expecting one, and expecting it to come from the rubbled remains of Infinity Ward. And according to a top secret internal Tesco database (has Tesco bought MI6?) it is currently named Call Of Duty: Project Collossus. Which would be a spectacularly terrible name (not least because it’s spelt “colossus”), but is probably just the codename for the game while it’s in development. I imagine they’ll call it something crazy like, hmmm, Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 3? We don’t know. And knowing you grumpy bastards, you don’t care. But whether you like it or not, you stroppy thing, it’ll be the biggest game of the holiday season. We’re bound to find out more details at E3 at the beginning of next month.

Update: As vaguely suspected, it’s a hoax after all. A slightly boring hoax. Well done, boring hoaxers.

Surprise! I’ve just broken into your house and stolen all your milk. No, that’s not the real surprise. The real surprise is that there’s going to be another Call of Duty game this year. No, that’s not a surprise either. The real surprise is that it sounds like we might see a bit of said game at GDC next week. At least, that’s according to a new web intersite called FindMakarov. Makarov is, you may recall, one of the baddies in Modern Warfare 2, as well as That Guy, Him and Wossiface.
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Oh look, another headline with a question mark in the title. That’s journamalisming for you. Can we have some less ambiguous news now please?

So – Black Ops 2, World At War 2, Modern Warfare 3 or some other two to three word summation of conflict? Until now, we had no idea what this year’s Call of Duty game would be. We also had no idea there would be another Call of Duty game this year. It just seemed so very unlikely that this series would continue. Apparently it will, despite catastrophically low sales, rock-bottom reviews and perennially empty servers. Whouldathunkit. The LA Times thinks it knows what’s up. Modern Warfare 3 it is, allegedly. So who’s making it?
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My instruments are giving me mixed reports. Today sees Call of Duty: Black Ops, the year’s biggest release, dropping onto international markets like a continent-spanning commercial panther. Now, I’m hearing that some Steam pre-order customers have had their game unlocked already, but Americans are having to wait until 10am Eastern time, our own Alec is having to wait until between 3pm and 8pm [Alec Update - no I'm not. If you buy it in the UK it seems to unlock just fine; my problem was related to my account apparently having US review code applied], and apparently although shop copies go through Steam, they’ll work right away. Buh. Are you playing it, readers? Any impressions?

If you can’t yet play Black Ops, and you’re livid, and your existence has shrunk to a world containing only, Black Ops and sharp objects, I have a temporary solution. Below, courtesy of VG247 you can watch the first 13 minutes of the game. Spoilers, obv, but I will say this: It looks like a somewhat different beast from Modern Warfare.
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