Rock, Paper, Shotgun

Adult Swim: home of naughty cartoons and a surprising number of clever, free indie games. UK ministudio Preloaded are the latest to join those ranks, with side-scrolling, high-casualty strategy game zOMT.

Auto-marching strategy games, wherein your lads do most of the violent legwork for you once you’ve built them, are increasingly pervasive – the nominal successor to tower defence, and based on similar values. zOMT differs somewhat in that it’s primarily a defensive game, with you spending generated mana on constructing soldiers, exploding madmen, elemental spells, bomb-bouncing clouds and sturdy trees to keep an implacable enemy from nobbling your base.
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I would make a gag about a game concerning resurrection being entirely relevant today, but someone religious will probably come and shout at me if I do. So I won’t. Superflat Games’ Soul Brother is another one of those delightfully crazy webgame gems which regularly pitch up on Adult Swim’s site, and is perhaps best described as a 16-bit platform game about strategic suicide.
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I’ve talked about my love for Robot Unicorn Attack before. That said, that short paragraph isn’t nearly enough. Frankly, this Canabalt-elaboration is one of my favourite games of the year. I’m terrible at it though, thus going onto the adult swim leaderboards is a bit of a waste of time. Now, however, it’s on Facebook, meaning you can challenge your friends and create a more even playing field with your equally useless friends. Hurrah! Of course, if you’re not on Facebook, and you haven’t played it, you can still play it here.

I am on my own in a hotel room somewhere outside on Stuttgart, Germany. If it was so horrible and lonely that it was making me feel a touch psychotic, then I would have a excellent prompt to start talking with worrying sympathy about Mountain Man, a document of one enraged beardy fellow’s attempts to destroy an entire town. Alas, it’s rather a nice hotel room and I feel quite relaxed. Why can’t I have played this whilst suffering one of my legendary grumps? It’s just so unfair and… Hang on. This has made me grumpy. Yes! I’m now ready to get a sick thrill out of lobbing boulders at police cars and attractive Alpine lodges.
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This flash game over on Adult Swim is a fun time. In Pizza City you take on pizza delivery tasks, driving around the pixelated city in a manner reminiscent of the GTA games. Collisions mean damaged pizzas – and disgruntled hippies/body-builders. As you get more cash you can upgrade to better cars, refuel, and so on. But damn, I wish they’d tipped like that when I was a pizza delivery boy. Maybe it was because I was terrible.

See, I didn’t even realise Adult Swim had a music publishing arm. It’s amazing what you find when poking your nose around the internet during the breaks of the baseball game you’ve stayed up until a million o’clock to watch (go Phillies). So to coincide with the release of Far Cry 2, Ubisoft are getting all cross-promotional, sponsoring the free distribution of an album of South African hip-hop, called African Swim.

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Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim is certainly responsible for some of the finest cartooning entertainment about, but were you aware they also make some of the most entertainingly offensive Flash games on the internet? You are now!

What about Five Minutes To Kill (Yourself)? “Stick it to the man, by sticking it to yourself.” You are in an office, driven insane by meetings, and have all of five minutes to mutilate yourself to death, using only office equipment. Perhaps viciously staple yourself in the face? Or mash your head in the photocopier? Maybe best of all, wear a paper shredder as a hat?

Read on for less wholesome goodness
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