Rock, Paper, Shotgun

We live in a terrifying world of constant change. You might, for instance, neatly tuck each of your games into bed a night and gingerly kiss them on the cheek, safe in the knowledge that – when you awake – they’ll be there waiting, same as always. But honestly, who knows? They could just suddenly update and transform into strange, multi-tendriled monstrosities. You could awake from your dreams right into a living nightmare. Or, you know, you could just get some Earth-bound levels in Mass Effect and – oh gosh – Aquaman in DC Universe Online. OK, yeah, I’m sticking with the nightmare thing.

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And it’ll be terribly awkward for you, because it’s not who you think it is. You’ll be like, “Hey, HK-47, how’s it going?” And HK-51 will be like… well, I don’t know what he’ll be like, because he’s a new character. He and his exceedingly murderous brethren are, however, something of a throwback to cut content from KOTOR 2, so you might not end up totally out of your depth. For now, though, BioWare’s prepared a lavish CG trailer, because – and I guess this should’ve been the headline for the story – gameplay doesn’t exist anymore. It disappeared forever while you were asleep. Games are now cobbled together from CG, live-action footage, and meticulously photoshopped still images. You can’t actually play them, but you can hit the pause button whenever you want, which offers a truly unprecedented level of choice in how you approach every situation.

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I’d pay a substantial sum to visit Britannia again in a new adventure worthy of Ultima VII, which is, without a doubt, one of the games that made me. I probably wouldn’t play Ultima Forever even if it was free though and that’s at least partly because it’s free. EA/Bioware’s newly announced title is a “cross-platform action RPG” launching under the same Play4Free label as Battlefield Heroes. What price virtue, I wonder, and I mean it quite literally. How many tiny coins will I have to collect or purchase to redeem the virtues of Britannia. Scant details below.

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Star Wars: The Old Republic now has a free trial, hooray! Anyone is eligible, which is a good thing, and the main limiting factor is that it caps you to level 15 (the level cap is 50 for subscribers, so this will get you off the starting world to Coruscant, but not much further.) PvP and flashpoints are also available in the trial. There’s a bunch more information in the FAQ, but overall this seems like a good move for the game. Allowing folks to try it out before they plunge into the depths of their wallets is always a good idea.

After a long, bone-density-ruining day in space doing space things, it’s only natural that you’d want to come back to Earth, kick back, and put your feet up on something familiar – say, a footrest, Big Ben, or the city of Vancouver. But, in Mass Effect 3′s Earth DLC, you’ll return home to find the place ransacked, with Reaper forces making a mess of everything and totally wrecking your perfectly organized Mt Rushmore collection. So it’s time to fight back – with a handful of new classes, guns, modifications, and whatnot, of course. Such is the way of these things.

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“Come Back and Play at No Charge* for Up to 7 Days!” Says the SWTOR site. Ha, what’s that asterisk in there? Why it’s the expiration date on this offer, which is July 17th. And this is an offer for lapsed subs only, of course. Returning folk will no doubt be thrilled to “receive an exclusive in-game pet, the Gannifari [pictured], and 25 Black Hole Commendations to use towards high level gear.” So that sound useful, if you’re a pet-loving ex-Jedi/Sith/Miscellaneous.

SWTOR is currently sitting at update 1.3, which focuses a bit more on PvP and grouping. “Grouping” is a funny word… Trailer for 1.3 below!
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I remember when games used to be obstinate, unyielding creatures. They’d prance through the room, coated in all manner of dust and bugs and glitches, and they just didn’t care. Now, though, they heed developers’ every beck and call post-launch. The things can practically grow extra arms on command. Case in point: SWTOR’s latest patch, which brings it up to not-quite-light-speed with modern MMOs and, of course, Team Fortress 2′s recent case of Pyromania. So then, let’s have a gander at what’s on the menu.

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You may not have heard, but the Mass Effect trilogy tried to end earlier this year. It was all like, “OK folks, that’s our show!” And then everyone held hands and bowed at the same time. As the curtains closed, I even briefly caught a glimpse of Shepard and Harbinger hugging. They had quite a run together, those two. Fans, though, weren’t so keen on the space odyssey’s final moments. Perhaps the krogan dance number lacked ‘zazz. Maybe the one-fourth scale replica of the Normandy that ran on doves and confetti was a bit much. Regardless, BioWare decided to have another go at it. Just, you know, better this time, apparently.

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No, BioWare hasn’t suddenly made a lightspeed jump to F2P, but – speaking with GamesTM – it changed its tune quite a bit from “subscription-based forever.” So then, the obvious (in almost every situation ever in the whole of human history) question: why? Well, it’s certainly hard to ignore SWTOR‘s 400,000-person slide into the subscriber Sarlacc Pit, but BioWare contends that there’s more to it than that.

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Sadly, this is not the intergalactic sequel to Brendan’s now-deceased column series. Much as we wanted to mix things up with a sassy Elcor sidekick, contractual issues left the whole thing stalled out on the launch pad. So instead, you’ll just have to settle for some particularly rebellious Mass Effect 3 multiplayer DLC. Specifically, the Vorcha are making their no-good, law-breaking debut by, er, joining your baddie-smashing squad and cooperating. In addition, Quarians and Ex-Cerberus add two new characters a piece to the fray, with two new maps, three weapons, and a stat-altering persistent gear slot rounding out the package. Best of all, unless you’re playing a used (read: impossible on PC) or scandalously acquired copy, it’s all free from the get-go.

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