Rock, Paper, Shotgun

Hello youse.

Once again, I’ve pushed aside my planned column (a photo story of a games night in action) to do something that came to me in a dream earlier in the week. Well, no, it didn’t come to me in a dream. It came to me while I was on the toilet, but that’s not the kind of thing I would tell you on an upmarket PC gaming website.

I’ve been having great fun writing this column over the past couple of months. Mainly because I’ve been blown away by the knowledge and passion of those people making contributions in the comments section. So, I’ve been thinking about doing something that we could all get involved with. Something interesting for the tenth column. And it came to me while I was on the toilet, with my trousers at my ankles, but that’s not the kind of thing I would admit to on an upmarket PC gaming website.

This isn’t a competition. Because there’s no prize. It’s more of a challenge. And it’s the kind of thing I feel comfortable doing on a site like Rock, Paper, Shotgun. Because, y’know, you all seem kinda… kinda smart. Kinda clever. You know? I think it’s the kind of thing that might work here. I hope it does.

So let’s see what it is!
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Hello youse,

I hope you all had a good Halloween board game night last week. We had a fine game of Last Night On Earth and an amazing game of Mall of Horror, the out-of-print masterpiece from Asmodee. I won’t talk about either game right now, because I want to do a video about them at some point. What did you all play? Connect 4, I bet. Right? Yeah, that’s scary enough for you guys, I bet.

I was all ready to tell you about some lovely new games, when something terrible hap-

No, just read on. I can’t tell you just like that – brutal, like a board game Leatherface, delivering the news like a hammer and pulling my steel door shut.
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Hello youse.

With it being Halloween tomorrow, many of you will be organising a special board game night, and inviting some friends round for some horror-themed games. I could have used this column to write about the best of those horror-themed games to play on Halloween, but there would be precisely zero point, because it’s not like you’d be able to go out and buy them in time. Instead I want to use this column to talk about the “board game night” itself. How to hold one, and how to make it go smoothly.

I wrote about this before on my old website, so I’ll be re-using a little bit of that material here, because it all still applies, and also because I like it and I want all my new pals to see it. I’m sorry, I love you. Most of this is hot and fresh out the kitchen, though, like R Kelly’s Ignition.

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Hello, youse.

This is the column that will see me looking at Arkham Horror, the board game based on H.P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Mythos. It’s a column I only feel prepared to write after spending a few years with the game. You’ve been asking for it, and I live to serve.

I get asked about Arkham Horror all the time. When someone starts taking an interest in board games, it seems that Arkham Horror is a game that draws their eye more than most. I think I know why. People who like board games are probably a bit more likely to be geeky and into reading books than people who don’t. And many of those people will have read Lovecraft. A board game based on Lovecraft’s work is a very attractive prospect, partly because you ask yourself just how a board game could possibly capture the crawling horror and hopelessness of that world.

When I get asked that question – “Hey, man. How is Arkham Horror?” – I know now what to say. This column is that answer in long form.
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Hello, youse.

I’ve heard from the rest of the RPS guys that you’re all horrible people, so I’m going to be talking about a subject that is probably close to your heart in this week’s column. I’m going to be talking about betrayal. I’m going to be talking about being The Bad Guy.
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Hello, youse.

I hope you all bought some new and very expensive board games this week, and then didn’t bother reading the rules.
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Hello. Every Saturday, from now until-

TEST YOUR READING SKILLS!

…

YOU ARE DEAD!

Let’s try that again.

Hello. Every Saturday, from now until the day you die, I’m going to be here to talk to you about board games. And card games. And pen and paper role-playing games. And stuff. My name’s Robert Florence, and I used to spend a lot of time talking about computer games, like the other fine fellows on this site. But these days I like to talk about games you can hold in your hand. Games you can touch and smell and flip right off the table in a rage if you should feel the need. Games that take up a ridiculous amount of space, and make you decide that you’ll be moving house in a couple of years just so you can have a dedicated games room. Which is ridiculous. So, you tell people you need to move because you want to have another child. Yes, a cardboard child. With statistics and an axe. Called OLAF THE DREAD.
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For those who’ve been following Alec, my and Mr Florence’s twitter, we’ve been rambling about the latest product of Fantasy Flight Games’ Games Workshop-licenced games. Specifically, a reimagining of the old Horus Heresy boardgame called – er – Horus Heresy. For those who don’t follow the 40k mythos, the Heresy isn’t one of those boring medieval ones where you get burned alive for suggesting hessian is better than hemp cloth or similar. It’s a Heresy which means THE ETERNAL CITY OF THE GOD-EMPEROR IS BESIEGED BY THE WARMASTER, CORRUPTED BY CHAOS. Which is a much better subject for a board-game than Hessian/Hemp comparisons, I dare say. Anyway, Rab’s gone and lobbed up his video review of it. No singing about Overwatch, Baby, but no-one reviews boardgames like Mr Florence. Video embedded below…
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As received by GameSetWatch maestro Simon Carless: the special edition EA Monopoly set.

Although actually this is something-like-irony, because Activision finally made more money than EA this year.