Rock, Paper, Shotgun

There’s a joke somewhere in here about the current state of first-person shooters and the idea that this is a natural evolution seeing as we’re already basically watching them anyway, but I’m not gonna touch it. And also, that was the whole joke. Battlefield: Bad Company (which is actually quite good; that’s why I didn’t want to peg it with a lowball gag, you see) is coming to oversized living room PC monitors near you by way of EA and Fox. If nothing else, it stars the main characters from the game and isn’t getting Hollymorphed into – I don’t know – the gripping, fart-ripping tale of two buddy cop bros (both played by Mark Wahlberg) and their talking dog, Dubstep. That’s promising, right?

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Our news-pumped chums at VG247 recently talked to Patrick Bach from DICE about the upcoming Armoured Kill DLC for Battlefield 3: huge maps on which tanks and other vehicles do endless full-metal biff to each other. There’s a bunch of new footage of the maps and modes in the video, which you can see below, albeit largely filmed from a screen. This DLC is actually tipping me back towards playing Battlefield 3 again, since I’ve been pondering which multiplayer game I need to lurch my way into in the winter months. Additionally, “Tank Superiority mode” sounds like something I need to spend some time with.

Check it out, neathwards.
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I’m just going to pretend that this is a full trailer for Battlefield 3′s Armo(u)red Kill, and not a video showing how you can buy into their crummy Premium service. So why don’t you, me, and that guy over there all agree that the first 38 seconds of the trailer’s 1.53 runtime is just white noise, or Joe Pasquale telling a joke – it doesn’t exist. It a glitch in the Matrix. To make this work we’ll just have to live the lie. Can you do that? For me? I don’t ask for much.
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EA’s policy with sequelized franchises tends to mirror that of an over-excited puppy or me when I’m talking to anyone and an over-excited puppy prances into view: out of sight, out of mind. Servers quietly disappear, DLC dries up entirely, and empires (mostly of the sporting variety) crumble. DICE, however, swears the same fate won’t befall Battlefield 3. It’s going strong right now with Armored Kill, Aftermath, and Endgame still on the way, but apparently, their end won’t signal the endgame of this game’s endgame. Endgame!

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I have, I must admit, spent a worrisome number of hours pondering the exact nature of the phrase “Armored Kill.” Is it a kill you score while wearing armor – perhaps in the fashion of a medieval knight who’d rather die than admit that, yeah, that’s a tank? Or is the kill itself – the very act of forcibly removing another man from his mortal coil – clad in some form of armor? Am I, say, throwing pieces of armor at my unsuspecting foes, sort of like a weaponized Super Ghosts ‘n’ Ghouls? Or maybe I’m simply killing armor that’s, like, been possessed by a ghost or something. Maybe it turns out there was no ghost at all, but that it was in fact Old Man Jenkins clearly running out of ideas. Fortunately, EA’s sent along a new trailer of Battlefield 3: Armored Kill in which all questions are answered. (Hint: there are tanks. So I was sort of basically entirely correct. Yep.)

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Just in case you thought I was pulling your leg/was a gullible tool when we posted about the apparent leak of Battlefield 4, EA have stopped pretending it didn’t happen and officially ‘fessed up. They’ve confirmed that, yes, people who pre-order Medal of Honor: Man Who Fights Wars will get priority access to the beta of the next Battlefield, and that’s scheduled for ‘Fall 2013.’ Which I’d be willing to guess suggests a release date of October or November 2013, as has been EA and Activision manshoot tradition for many years now. But I might be wrong. I often am. Why, I was wrong about something only yesterday.
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Are you sad? Tired? Angry? Upset because you spilled some milk and, contrary to popular opinion, it was in fact the end of the world after all? Well, don’t be. Today is a happy day, because criminally underrated first-person runner (with some shooty bits that should’ve leaped off a building and never looked back) Mirror’s Edge is on the comeback trail. For a while, it’s mostly been wishful thinking from folks at DICE, but now the people with the money are talking, and they’re saying wonderful, joyous things.

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So yes, Battlefield 3 Premium is a thing. It costs $50, and for that you get early access to all five expansion packs – Armoured Kill, Aftermath, and End Game are appearing between now and March 2013 – as well as “exclusive in-game items”, exclusive events, and a lot of other stuff – double XP events and “tactics? And does all that add up to a new game’s worth of stuff? EA certainly seem to think so. Because I think I’d want a new game for that much cash. But perhaps I’m wrong, perhaps this is an essential purchase for the Battlefield 3 legions? Those expansions are certainly promising a lot of stuff – weapons, 20 maps, new vehicles and so on… Are you going to buy it? To the commentmobile!

(Oh, and there’s a glitzy trailer below.)
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EA have confirmed that Battlefield 3 is to get a “Premium” service, apparently allowing people who purchase it early and immediate access to future DLC, as well as a greater range of items and customisation options. BFBlog appears to have the details, although this is unconfirmed by EA, who say the details are to be announced on June 4th. The “leaked” details include the price: $50 as a one-time fee. For that you’ll reportedly get all the existing and future DLCs, as well as: 20 maps (in total, presumably?), 20 new weapons, 10+ new vehicles, 4 new game modes, 30+ assignments, unique in-game knife, dog tags, and camos, unique weapon camos, and a bunch of other stuff.

Hmm. I can see why this might sell, but personally I ran out of patience with BF3 within a few weeks of launch. Perhaps I’ll head back after the summer, but it just didn’t hook me.

When buildings are collapsing and jets are being all “newwwwwwwrhghghghggh”, it’s easy to forget that the Battlefield 3 engine does small things as well. Subtle explosions. Personal blowey-uppies. I’d imagine that’s the reason for DICE making the Close Quarters map pack: to show off their microexplosion technology. They spent hours crafting those mini-bangs, so maps that showcase them are needed: the Close Quarters maps are a series of four infantry focused maps set in, with added destructible bits. It makes me way happier than the ten new guns it adds as all I care about is the chandeliers.
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