Rock, Paper, Shotgun

I’m a lapsed football fan, so I’m writing this not knowing a) where Euro 2012 is being held, b) if any of the British teams have made it to the finals, and c) if goalies are paying much attention to the ten-step rule. I have heard of Lionel Messi, though. But even as a missing link in the Mexican wave of foot-o-ball trivia, I knew that there would be an EA Euro 2012 game released this year, just like I knew the sun would be up this morning. What’s surprising is that EA Sports UEFA Euro 2012 (that’s a mad name) will be DLC for Fifa 12 game and not sold in the shops.
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Give it a name already, Frozenbyte, so I don’t have to refer to it as ‘expansion’ or ‘DLC’. I’m going for the former because it reminds me of the good old days, as do Frozenbyte themselves. Why am I posting about this gain so soon, having already written about the new areas, new plotline and new abilities? Because there’s a short video showing some environments and short videos showing Trine environments are among my favourite things in the world. Prettier than all the other game-pretties would be if they were baked up together in a pretty little pie, Trine 2 has the kind of world I’d gladly adventure in and then stick around to have a picnic.

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Even before Trine 2 launched, Frozenbyte had plans to work on DLC, saying toward the end of last year that the additional content would be about four hours in length. A few details were revealed to some non-PC folk at GDC, including word of a new story that will take place over six stages, which will have puzzles based around light, water, low gravity and magnets. There will also be new skills. Expect the DLC in summer but don’t expect Trine 3 anytime soon, as Frozenbyte’s next title will be something altogether new. I haven’t played Trine 2 yet, despite the sense of contentment and joy that still washes over me whenever I see it in motion.

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No. Nooo. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo way. Destructoid writer but not X-Files creator Chris Carter (who is probably incredibly bored of that reference) has been doing a bit of maths, which immediately makes him a more capable human being than I am. The purpose of this mathleticism was to collate all the disparate bits of DLC, pre-order bonus, unlocks and whatnot available for the upcoming marketing monolith that is Mass Effect 3, and just how much it’d cost someone to lay hands on the whole shebang. Take a seat before you read the next line.

$870/£550/€650. Whaaaat.

It must, however, be pointed out that much of that horror-price stems from having to buy bonus code-sporting hardware such as special gamepads, keyboards and headsets, or Mass Effect 3 merch such as multiple action figures and iPhone cases.
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A cause of occasional, but rather fervent ire of recent times has been day one DLC. Why do people get pissed off? Because times were you’d buy a game, and get a game. Now, the perception is you buy a portion of the game, and are then asked to buy the rest in premium lumps over the next few months. And when one of those premium portions appears the same day as the game – well, it looks like the publishers are taking the piss. “Here’s most of our game! Now pay more to complete it.” So it is likely with these arguments in mind that BioWare are making it clear that Mass Effect’s day one DLC, From Ashes, was developed after the core game was completed. But does that change anything for the player?

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Uh-uh they did-uhnt. Valve did not just add a boombox to Team Fortress 2 that plays sounds whenever a Scout taunts… I think they did. Just let me check the server over here [opens server door] WELL, NOW I CAN’T HEAR AND I NEED TO CHANGE MY PANTS. BUT I CAN CONFIRM THAT THEY WENT THERE. They’ve released a paid for (£6.99! – too rich for my roots) community item called the “Boston Boom-Bringer“. Whenever the Scout taunts, it’ll play one of four phat beats. If you want to prepare yourself for the aural wreckage that the game’s about to throw at you, there’s a video below.

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I keep waiting for the twist in the new Dead Island DLC trailer: it might be that it’s different for everyone that watches it? Did you see Australian Colonel Ryder White going mad between the all too familiar emotional tent-poles of military doctrine and love, while struggling through a tropical paradise filled with the walking dead? He’s the original’s antagonist, which is a decent idea for a story-based expansion. In my version of the trailer below, the zombie plague has also affected his accent.
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The year is 1999 and the crazy chaps at Epic Games have just came up with the concept of mutators, little mods that you can use to tweak game types. But just as they’re about to implement it, a cheap-looking wibbly effect appears in front of Cliffy A (Cliffy B is a clone) and a mysterious figure steals his PC! Mark Rein enters the room, asks what smells all wibbly and allows a distraught A to tell him what he’s crying about. “Is that all? We have backups.” But he kills A for showing weakness. And thus the Unreal Tournament series’ mutators survived. But what of that mysterious time-traveller? I have figured out who it is: step forward Mode7′s Ian Hardingham. J’accuse!
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It’s a frequent lament that we rarely get to play bad guys in an interesting way. There’s another hope on the horizon, with the rather good Dead Island announcing some new major DLC. Ryder White is a whole new angle on the game’s story, where you play as the titular character – the game’s main baddie. Which is a splendid idea, if it’s done right. It’s a new single-player campaign, where you’ll apparently get to understand White’s motivations for his actions, as well as see him as a loving husband and military man. Techland say it’ll be “several hours” long, and add in a couple more weapons. We’ve some screenshots of it below.

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