Posts Tagged ‘Excalibur Publishing’

Airport Firefighter Simulator

What the Pyro gets up to on weekdays

What, you thought I was going to put a gag in the headline? You think that those three words are not beautiful and perfect enough on their own? How you sicken me, you artless philistine.

Yes, the latest in a long line of labour machinery-based sims you would never dream existed is Airport Firefighter Simulator, in which you are all that stands in front of certain, explosive disaster. Quotes like this are simply amazing: “Even the most routine duties of aircraft refuelling and cargo management carry the chance of conflagration so you must always be on your guard to prevent a minor incident becoming a major inferno.”
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My First Day On Patrol With: Police Force

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to able to really get stuck into any kind of municipal simulation in my day job, so I was delighted to realise that there was nothing better to do today than crack open my copy of Police Force and “experience law enforcement like never before”. Join me for the first day on the beat with Marc Angel and his implacable sidekick, Susan. (Yes, that is actually what they are called in the game.)
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Street-Cleanin’ Man: Street Cleaning Simulator

Hello, ladies.
Discovering that this game existed was a moment of perverse joy for me. I knew that it would be deeply boring – it really is – and that I would have to play it extensively for no reason other than to take joy in being quite deliberately boring. It’s the kind of non-challenge I relish, and I gleefully set about compiling a diary of the events – or lack thereof – in the life of a simulatory street-cleaner.

Read on to find out how I got on with that.

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Bare Bones: Surgery Simulator Out 25th Feb

Excalibur Publishing are diversifying a bit from their line of transport and utility-vehicle simulators to bring us, uh, Surgery Simulator. The announcement blurb explains that that the game features the following operations – see if you can spot the odd one out: “Cataract, Varicose veins (varicosis), Gall bladder removal (laparoscopic cholecystectomy), Hernia (herniotomy), Treatment of a lower leg fracture, Tonsil removal (tonsillectomy), Appendix removal (appendectomy), Traffic accident.”

Hmm. Also of relevance: “Attention! This product is a computer game and not for training or tuition purposes!!! The product is NOT suitable for conveying specialist knowledge in medicine or surgery.” Aww.

4000 Metres Down: Dive To The Titanic

Huh, not sure how we missed this before now. PCG points out that Excalibur – those kings of random simulation publishing – released Dive To The Titanic, or DIVE to the TITANIC, to give it the proper formatting, which is a game about piloting a deep-sea mini-sub to explore the wreck of the Titanic. The trailer (in the depths below) is ludicrously hyperbolic, and the game looks pretty full on. Vicarious claustrophobia feelings, ahoy!
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Hot Diggity: Digger Simulator 2011!

Oh. My. God.

Forget CODBLOPS. Here’s the news you’ve been waiting for. Digger Simulator 2011 is to be released on December 3rd. From the makers of Digger Simulator, the latest version will let you “learn to excavate like the professionals.” We’ve got screenshots below!

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The Tractor Factor: Farming Simulator 2009, Demo

I was just browsing some email, having just been booted off my gaming PC by the Mrs so that she could play FarmVille on Facebook, when I noticed that the PC actually does have a contemporary full-blown farming game: Farming Simulator 2009. From last month’s press release: “Become a farmer and experience the thrill of driving heavy modern farm equipment as you try and feed the world! Choose from a variety of vehicles and implements, and explore the huge, over 4 km², island.” Phwoar. More informatively: “The German version of this product shifted a massive 100,000 units within its first five weeks debuting at number one on the Media Control GfK chart.” Now that’s some credentials. I was just about to pick up a copy and start singing appropriate songs when I discovered: there is a demo.
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