Posts Tagged ‘foot-to-ball’

Foot-To-Landmine: FootLOL – Epic Fail League


If I had just the right test tube and one of Mr Bunsen’s Bestest Burners, I reckon I could scientifically prove that FootLOL: Epic Fail League is the worst title since Henry VIII appointed a young cleric as his Royal Glans Grater, purely to irritate the delicate sensibilities of Pope Clement VII. As it is, all I have is a broken slide rule and a warped protractor so you’ll have to judge the title for yourself, without the guiding hand of Science to enlighten you. The game itself is currently loitering in the vicinity of Steam Greenlight and there’s an online demo. It has little in common with actual foot-to-ball, although there are teams of men hoofing a sphere about the place, being more concerned with landmines and comedic chaos. It’s quite good.

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PES 2014 Features Headbonk! Tech & F.A.R.T.S, I Think

They've likely won something!

Foot-to-ball Game C is releasing its annual update at a point in the future, alongside Foot-to-ball Game B and Foot-to-ball Game A.

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Foot-to-Ball Commander 2013 Demonstration Edition

Someone I know knows his wife

This year as with every year, there is a brand new edition of Sports Interactive’s management goliath Foot-to-Ball Commander. The 2013 version is out next week, in fact. New features this year include over 17 new types of decomposing tobacco breath odorants to add to your manager’s Unhinged Bellow attack, the option to hurl the most racist members of your premiership team into the heart of the sun and the exclusive Gary Lineker’s Leaving Your Wife Of 20 To Shack Up With An Underwear Model Time Attack mode.

Also there’s a demo, out now on Steam.
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Pro Evolution Soccer 2013’s 2012 Demo #2

don't ask me to explain

When I was still capable of leaving the house without needing to have a nice sit down on the first bench I saw, I couldn’t make it to any sort of social gathering without bearing unwilling witness to some manner of tedious debate about how and why Pro Evolution Soccer was much better than FIFA. There were gesticulations, there were phrases like ‘ball control’ and there were near-orgasmic facial expressions. It was Quake III vs Unreal Tournament, but for bores. As far as I can tell – by which I mean by maintaining a safe distance from anyone who might ever mention it, but somehow wandering into stray comments nonetheless – FIFA now has the foot-to-ball fan’s favour once again, with Konami’s former king now on something of a back foot. I could well be wrong that, though. Listen, I’m just trying to fill space before inserting a link to the demo. Have I made it far enough yet?
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FIFA 12 Foot-To-Ball Demo Impressions

Yeah! Foot-to-ball! It's our favourite!

In one minute I’ll be announcing the announcement that the new demo of FIFA 12 will be being announced in a few minutes. That’s a new demo for FIFA 12 that I will tell you has been released just as soon as I’ve announced that I’m announcing its imminent announcement. There’s a FIFA 12 demo out! Wait, damn, that was too soon.

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Foot-to-Ball Manager 2012th Edition

Would you rather have seen the numbers? I don't know what the etiquette is for sports management games

You foot-to-ball chaps sure don’t get bored easily. I’d get fed up of any game after 2012 years – why, I’d even be willing to bet my ardour for X-COM would have cooled by just the 819th sequel. There’s no stopping plucky Brit studio Sports Interactive though: they’ve just announced Foot-to-Ball Manager 2012, which as is the custom contains a raft of new features, improved graphicsability, a whole lot more foot, and much more ball.

In the years to come, 50% of men will only buy one game each year – whatever the new Call of Duty is. The other 50% will only buy Football Manager. By 2018, the two will combine into Weapon Unlock Manager, and no other game will ever be required.
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Impressions: New Star Soccer 5

Rioters! I'd know their type anywhere

A curious new leisure hobby for the younger man has lately taken the continent and the colonies by storm, and your intrepid gentlemen reporters at the Rock, the Paper and Shotgun feel duty-bound to investigate this ‘sport’ the filthy foreigns have dubbed ‘foot-to-ball’.

We couldn’t possibly sully our fine, firm, perfect bodies on the pitch and at the risk of a physical encounter with one of the careening yahoos who profess to be experts at this activity, you understand, but fortunately we’ve been able to simulate the experience via unsettlingly but admittedly highly effective digital magicks. New Star Soccer 5 recreates every element of foot-to-ball, from the foot to the ball and everything in between, within the comfort, safety and seasonal warmth of one’s own manor.
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Foot That Ball! New Star Soccer 5 Trailer

Don't foot this one. It's on a screen.

As Britain’s leading expert on foot-to-ball, I find the irreverence of games like New Star Soccer 5 to be deeply offensive toward “the lovely game”. How can someone watch something as astounding, as gorgeous, as sexually profound, as last week’s round of foot-to-balling between the United Rovers and West Byfleet Consolidated not be moved to tears? New Star Games’ new trailer for their latest simulation contains slight hints of not taking this most important of matters nearly seriously enough.

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FIFA Manager 11: Foot-To-Ball-To-Demo

This is both the scariest and the most confusing thing I've seen all day.

FIFA Manager 11 really should be a game about managing FIFA. [At this point please insert some jokes about how ineptly FIFA may well be run, and how one would manage it better, because I haven’t the faintest clue. Maybe something about refusing cameras that can see if goals are scored? Is that FIFA? Or is that UEFA? Or is that a town in Mexico?] There’s a demo of this latest incarnation of the not-as-good-as-Football-Manager series, in which you can (not) find out. It gives you six months of play (game time, dummy) but allows you to carry over a save file into the full game should you be too bereft to start the whole insane process over again. In conclusion, baseball.

Daily Rag: Gamers Addicted To Foot-to-ball

Another victim of foot-to-ball falls victim.

Games psychotherapist, Stephen Bishop, has told the Daily Rag that games players are showing an increasingly worrying addiction to football. Players of Modern Warfare 2, Grand Theft Auto IV, and Peggle are apparently spending up to one and a half hours playing the sport without food, rest, or any form of videogaming.

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