Posts Tagged ‘free-games’

The Weird World Of Frozen Pregnancy Games

Over the course of the last six months I find myself repeatedly drawn back to an odd batch of games – cartoon celebrity or child surgery games you’ll find on free sites aimed at girls. I think it was the pregnancy disaster games which first properly caught my attention.

In Pregnant Anna Emergency you’ll find Anna from Frozen sporting a huge baby bump and lying in bed after what looks like an accident at a wood chipping facility. Wooden spikes jut out of her skin, her nose is bleeding and her face is bruised. Your first instruction?

“Wipe the blood,puss using tissue”

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Get A Room: Going Down With Love Hotel

shaking shack
One thing I learned whilst living in Japan was that there is no love without love hotels. Japanese houses are small, thin as plywood, and property prices are so huge that you often won’t leave home until you’re married with a well-paying job. So… In a society where it’s not even socially acceptable to kiss in public, where can you do all your clam dippin’, begattin’ and sock adjustin’? You certainly don’t want to do it in your parents’ house with them right next to the sliding doors. Well, the answer is… you gotta make a trip to a love hotel. 3 Silly Hats have made kink-friendly SimTower-esque simulation game Love Hotel, where you’re a love hotel manager and you have to provide a place for every kind of couple to rut like gymnastic fuckbunnies. And it’s actually flippin’ amazing. I played it all day. Solo. Read the rest of this entry »

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NSFW: F**kQuest: Highway To The Bonerzone?

Imagine if you were in some sort of hot makeout session with some lithe babe of your dreams, in my case some skinny nerdy bloke with stubble, low voice, and a weird penchant to hate you immediately after sex, and you were just going to proceed to take all your clothes off and make ‘aaah’ noises when Leisure Suit Larry popped into your head.

I’ve been playing Leisure Suit Larry: Reloaded all weekend (sadly not a euphemism), and it’s probably the worst heterosexual pants-droughtener you can ever think of, it even scorched my neuropathways with its un-hotness so that all creative wordening left my brain and flew out of the open door into the Brighton sunlight. Frankly all I could think of was not sex which is a miracle, if you’re me. It’s funny that Leisure Suit Larry has this titillating tit rep, when you never see it going in and it’s not even funny. So I harkened back to the only Sierra-esque adventure I ever actually thought was naughty: the silly funny parody game, FuckQuest. (THIS IS NOT SAFE FOR WORK THERE ARE TITS AND WILLIES.) Read the rest of this entry »

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Get Pissed: Crypt World: Your Darkest Desires

piss maniac
This morning someone rated my piss. I was just minding my business when a nice man in a rather broad hat stated that he was a ‘Piss Maniac’ and that he would very much like to ‘rate my piss’. So I obliged him by pissing in the toilet next to him (I was very pleased at the angle and direction of my piss, as I am not usually a good pisser, especially not from a foot away). He was sadly silent after I had pissed, and I sort of thought perhaps I had committed a faux pas (a faux piss?). Anyway, have a good old piss in new (and completely free) first person banality simulator, Crypt World. Read the rest of this entry »

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High Hun, I’m Home

If shooting albatrosses brings bad luck I’m in for a really lousy autumn.

This past week, in the gaps between work, blackberry picking, and bouncing about in the Rigs of Rods Tatra, I’ve been catching-up with a wonderful old friend – Red Baron 3D.

Thanks to Sierra’s German wing, this evergreen Great War dogfight sim, justly famed for its immersive dynamic campaign and marvellous MP, is now totally free. Well, strictly speaking it’s Red Baron II that’s free. You’ll need to apply the official superpatch to upgrade to RB3D. You’ll also want a Glide wrapper, a WinXP sound fix, and a tolerance of Deutsch (the patch doesn’t remove all traces of the Baron’s native tongue). It’s a bit of a dance, but follow the following step-by-step guide and you should be happily ambushing albatrosses inside half an hour.

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Quasi-Free Ubisoft Games

Disclaimer: Only “Americans” can get free stuff.

Ubisoft have decided to release three of their older games for free, albeit with a few adverts tacked on for good monetary measure. Get them via these games via these Gamershell links: Far Cry, Prince Of Persia: Sands of Time, and Rayman: Raving Rabbids. You also need a free account to get the buggers working. RPS recommends both Far Cry and Sands Of Time, but we’re a little less enthusiastic about the mouse-spasming mini-games of the Rabbids.

A freed game, yesterday.

Gosh, PC publishers have realised that they can generate good will (and a meager ad revenue) by giving away the old games they no longer have any use for, instead of carefully ignoring them and making loud noises to distract us from their existence. Hurrah for the PC’s infinite back-catalogue.

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