Rock, Paper, Shotgun

Oh, TimeGate. Still-unconfirmed (or denied) rumblings have linked you to a rather sizable portion of Aliens: Colonial Marines’ acid-puking awfulness, so there’s your legacy for now. I’d be remiss, however, if I didn’t point out that the recently reviled studio’s proven reliably inoffensive in the past, producing middle-of-the-road manshoots like Section 8 and a few FEAR expansions. So it’s with a slightly less mountainous mound of trepidation than expected that I bring you word of Minimum, TimeGate’s new free-to-play shooter/slasher/watch two Greek-mythology-inspired titans go all Rock ‘Em, Sock ‘Em Robots on each other-er. Promisingly, its inspirations seem to run the gamut from Quake’s speed to Unreal’s arcadiness to Minecraft’s adaptability, but obviously, snapping all those puzzle pieces into a coherent whole is another matter entirely. I must say, though, the achy, breaky, blocky trailer after the break has me sort of intrigued.

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League of Legends is notorious for a lot of things: a steep yet rewarding learning curve, a sometimes less-than-cuddly community, making all the money and stealing all your friends and leaving you painfully alone/playing Heroes of Newerth, etc. And then, of course, there’s that other thing people don’t talk about nearly enough: shamelessly exposed, highly impractical female character designs. Yes, it’s fantasy. Yes, it’s fiction. It doesn’t matter; this stuff alienates people, and that’s a fact. But while calling out people who see women exclusively as chainmail bikini stands is important, there’s an equally key flipside to the coin: encouragement. So good on Riot for beginning to take baby steps in the right direction with Sejuani. Her gigantic boar, however, continues to parade about trouser-less, a picture of frolicking filth.

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Defending dungeons, I imagine, is quite difficult – especially when you’re chasing down other heroes, steamrolling over all their favorite toys, and not really defending many dungeons at all. That’s the basis of Dungeon Defenders 2′s competitive MOBA mode, and naturally, it strays a bit from the original’s adowwwwwable approach to gut-wrenching, mud-and-blood-spattered last stands. And yet, in spite of a hilariously suggestive name, Trendy isn’t blindly leaping aboard the MOBA bandwagon. Co-op’s back too, and goodness, it looks like what would’ve happened if the Death Star had turned out to be a pinata full of rainbows. So many things. Pluck the ribbon from the top of the break for a candy coated sensory overload nuclear meltdown of a most delightful sort.

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Though valiantly working to improve, MOBAs can still be quite mean. The original Dungeon Defenders, meanwhile, was the cutest, nicest, most snuggably soft action-tower-defender out there. So naturally, Trendy’s decided to mash up its two great loves, in much the same way one “naturally” leaves their squalling infant at a daycare center run by salivating rhinocobears. And yet, the original Dungeon Defenders was deceptively complex, so perhaps these seemingly incompatible puzzle pieces can snap together and form a respectable portrait of some penguins – or, I suppose, Dungeon Defenders 2 – after all. I have to admit, the first details do sound fairly promising.

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Scene: A graveyard. Tombstones crisscross its every inch in eerily pristine rows. SimCity approaches one, visibly impatient, nearly stamping on a single daisy atop fresh loam. It’s followed by a more somber-looking Mass Effect 3. 

SimCity: “Come on, let’s just get this over with.”

Mass Effect: “Hey now, settle down. We’re here to pay our respects.”

SimCity: “Oh boo-hoo. Some Warhammer MOBA wannabe couldn’t hack it, and now it’s six-feet-under. Why waste time on the dead? I’ve got living to do.”

Mass Effect: “Yeesh, quiet down! Didn’t you see Warhammer Online sobbing on The Old Republic’s shoulder when we walked in? And anyway, you could be next. Well, not next, but don’t think you’re immune to this.”

SimCity: “Yeah? How do you figure?”

Mass Effect: “I’m just saying, there’s something of a trend here. I’m not exactly feeling safe either. I mean, shit, I just got my last batch of DLC. Who knows where my multiplayer servers will end up in a year? It might take a little longer, but ultimately, you’re no different.”

SimCity: “Look, whatever, OK? Let’s just get out of here.”

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You might see the oft-maligned specter of F2P hanging over Path of Exile and fear the worst, but you’d be missing out on what’s quietly becoming the smartest hack ‘n’ slash in the business. Between socketable everything (including maps and skills!) and difficulty that’s not afraid to eat a bowl of nails and steal its powers, PoE’s slowly but surely pushing the needle forward. Which brings us to brand new, ultra-fast-paced “race” events. In short, they toss players into fresh economies – doughy and naked minus whatever quantities of luck and skill they’re dual-wielding – and task them with out-leveling everyone over the course of an hour or a week. And now Grinding Gear’s put together a race league that comes with special, event-only rewards. Of course, the system is not without its flaws, but GG’s got a few plans to work out the kinks.

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Friends, countrymen, flowing cloth aficionados, lend me your ears. OK, now put those away, because they’re not very good for reading. The Banner Saga: Factions – the free-to-play intro to Stoic’s world of handsomely bearded vikings and handsome-beard-stroking strategy (no word yet on an immersion-enhancing handsome beard peripheral) – will be out for everyone next week. Better still, it’s open to some of everyone right now. Specifically, those who raised a hearty mug of monetary ale to Stoic’s success on Kickstarter. But wait, what about that sprawling, vaguely Biowarian single-player epic you paid for? Well, the former Biowarers (sp?) at Stoic are calling Factions a necessary first step.

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Huh. Wow. I’ll be honest: I’m a bit surprised. Hi-Rez has tied information about Tribes Ascend‘s single-purchase option to a searing ball of plasma and hurled it through our window, and it comes out to a measly $29.99/£20.99. For everything. VIPs, meanwhile, can instantly unlock all weapons, perks, and classes for $19.99/£13.99. That’s… um. I mean, I still had a wonderful time for roughly the same amount Back In The Day, but I certainly wouldn’t have minded an arsenal large enough to blot out the sun for the same price. Hm. Well, I suppose there’s no better time than the present. But, believe it or not, that’s far from all there is to this update. After a fairly worrisome dormant period, Tribes appears to be back with a vengeance. But not, er, Tribes Vengeance, because that wouldn’t be very good news.

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For being the developer of a game all about lightning-quick reaction times, Hi-Rez could be accused of reacting rather, um, glacially. More or less since day one, Tribes Ascend‘s free-to-play pricing model’s taken flack for making new items prohibitively hard to come by, but recent months have finally seen the reigning king of Jetpack Mountain come down and deal with it. First, Hi-Rez halved XP costs for all unlocks last month, and now it’s focusing its Fixification Beam on the other side of the fence. The one that pays for things. In short, those people will soon be able to pay less for the same amount of things – and all at once, no less. Which is much appreciated, but I can’t imagine long-time players are enjoying the stinging red outline of a hand that’s now plastered across their faces.

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Remember Bullet Run? It was a free-to-play reality TV shooter thing from SOE best known (around these parts) for being announced and going live. The latter occurred a scant few months ago, last August. But now the style-focused punk-buster’s adding another milestone to its extremely brief timeline: complete shutdown. Which, I guess, is kind of fitting in its own way? I mean, Bullet Run? They may as well have called it Fast Fast. So of course it ended in the blink of an eye.

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These days, plenty of developers talk about how they’re going to work side-by-side with their fans, but PlanetSide 2‘s actually doing it. Case in point: a newly launched Reddit-esque “Roadmap” system. In short, it outlines every last plan SOE has for the next six months in fairly exhaustive detail and then allows players to both discuss and up/down-vote based on their personal preferences. Do not, however, take this to mean SOE’s now at the beck and call of ravenously hardcore players. It promises to listen, but acting’s another story.

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