Posts Tagged ‘Staring Eyes’

Loadout Bringing 44 Billion Guns Out Of Early Access

By Nathan Grayson on January 17th, 2014.

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwrrrrrrrrrrrmouth

Loadout is one of those mangun shootythorpes we see far too many of these days, but of those sorts of games it looks like a rather nice standout. The style is eye-catchingly cartoony, the humor is zany, and an emphasis on weapon customization means there’s apparently a possible 44 billion gun combinations. It’s not quite Borderlands… or maybe it is since 87 bazillion is a made-up number. I don’t know. Bottom line: that’s a lot of guns, and Loadout has personality to back them up. It’s about to go from Early Access to final release, too, so soon you won’t have to pay a single sent to try it out.

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Saints Row IV, COH 2 Get Free Weekend On Steam

By Nathan Grayson on January 17th, 2014.

Have a great weekend!

The weekend’s just over the horizon and I couldn’t be happier. Well… except for one thing. I’m terribly afraid, actually, that my Friday, Saturday, and Sunday are going to be too tonally consistent. No wild mood swings. No spine-separating ups and downs. What a drag, right? So thank goodness that both Company of Heroes 2 and Saints Row IV will be free all weekend on Steam. The silliest game of 2013 and the most brutal front of the most serious war, er, possibly ever. I can’t wait to cross all of my emotional wires – to giggle out world-weary tears and give stirring, morale-boosting war speeches laden with dick jokes.

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Valve Not Releasing VR Hardware, Giving Tech To Oculus

By Nathan Grayson on January 17th, 2014.

The Valve news can’t stop, won’t stop, will never stop. Until tomorrow, at which point Steam Dev Days will conclude and Valve will clamber back under its Cone Of General Silence (Except During Very Specific Circumstances). Today, though, we get one last blast of information – namely, that Valve does, in fact, have its own “holodeck“-level virtual reality tech, but it doesn’t plan on releasing it to the public. Instead, the Newellian empire has decided to collaborate with Oculus Rift in order to further its goals for a VR-powered future in which PC is king.

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Plants Vs Zombies: GW Goes Battlefield In New Mode

By Nathan Grayson on December 18th, 2013.

These are staring eyes so potent that, even when they're not looking right at you, they're totally looking right at you.

I sure do love the fact that Plants vs Zombies: Garden Warfare is suffering an arbitrary delay on PC. Makes savoring each promotional morsel all the sweeter, yes indeed. Who needs dumb anchors like a release date and payoff when you can praise the heavens for every little crumb that tumbles your way instead? Wait, no, the other thing: ugggggggggggggggggggghhhhh.

Oh but Garden Warfare’s Battlefield-inspired Gardens and Graveyards mode looks kinda neat I guess.

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The Legolation Of Smaug: Lego The Hobbit

By Nathan Grayson on December 17th, 2013.

They should probably turn around.

Someday, we will all probably be made of Lego bricks. Based on the ceaseless, inevitable march of Traveler’s Tales’ “Lego The Thing” (not a Lego version of The Thing, which is something that absolutely needs to happen) franchise, it’s only a matter of time. We may as well cherish what little time we have left as easily popped flesh balloons, given that we will soon be born again in jaundiced plastic. For now, though, The Hobbit is next under the Legofication Ray, and it’s looking, well, like The Hobbit, only sillier and made of blocks. Watch the first trailer of Lego The Hobbit below.

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Wolf Among Us Ep 2 Won’t Be Among Us Until 2014

By Nathan Grayson on December 7th, 2013.

'I am a person who is inordinately upset by hands.'

YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS, you’re not going to believe this: there are already wolves among us. Right now. They’re called “dogs,” and we bred them into blind subservience over the course of a few generations. Many of them, however, are capable of reducing humans to blubbering piles of incoherent baby babble with a simple wag of the tail or awkward pawing attempt at a handshake. Who, in this equation, is really man, and who is beast? It’s a chilling thou– oh man look at this puppy! Was I talking about something? Oh hm, episode two of Telltale’s Fables series, The Wolf Among Us, won’t be out until sometime early next year. Bummer.

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Sax And Violins: Arranger

By Craig Pearson on December 6th, 2013.

Sorry.
Whatever Arranger is, and it appears to be many things, it has something in it called a “Turpato Peeler”. That is such a beautiful mangling of the term that I laughed for about a minute. The rest of this strange adventure game seems no less silly and wondrous: it’s set in a world of music and inspired by classic point and clickers, and a game where you fight not with swords or guns, but with the musical instruments that you’ve collected in your adventures. Your goal is to become the best music arranger the world of Musica has ever seen. The trailer below is quite the thing.
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Special – Saints Row IV: How The Saints Save Christmas

By Nathan Grayson on November 26th, 2013.

Who's that guy in the middle? Didn't everyone play SR4 as a US-flag-emblazoned Abraham Lincoln hippy Jesus like me?

Every great pop culture entity needs a Christmas special. I mean, who doesn’t love seeing their favorite characters shoehorned into an emotionally hollow, often obligatory plot that ends with a Very Valuable Lesson about family or selflessness or time travel ghosts or something? It’s a tradition nearly as old as Walmart itself. But OK, in fairness, some Christmas specials aren’t entirely terrible, and if anyone can elbow drop the cliche in the groin until it slithers back into the bowels of its holly, jolly dungeon of soulless commercialism, it’s Saints Row. Saints Row IV‘s next DLC episode, How The Saints Save Christmas, will almost certainly bash the very concept of Christmas specials’ head against the fourth wall until both are naught but jagged shards. Dash through the snow below for details.

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Seeing Double: Valve Set To Reveal Its Own VR Hardware

By Nathan Grayson on November 20th, 2013.

Hey, did you hear? Valve’s throwing a giant party and YOU AREN’T INVITED. Neither am I, for that matter. Steam Dev Days is a set of developer-only sessions at Valve HQ in Seattle, and I’d love to be a fly on the wall for it except that flies have meaningless, grubby little lives that are typically snuffed out hours after they begin. Also, they’re unable to use virtual reality hardware, which would kind of defeat the purpose of wriggling my putrid little fly body through an open window to begin with. But anyway, Valve plans to show off its own VR hardware prototype during the gathering – an interesting decision given its decision to cast off CastAR and the reality-blurring reign of VR neo-cyber godking 20XX Oculus Rift.

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In Your Face: Character Creation In Elder Scrolls Online

By Nathan Grayson on October 18th, 2013.

Why yes, you're correct: I haven't blinked in my entire life! How could you tell?

How do you take your Elder Scrolls characters? Green? Purple? Thick? Lean? With one lump or two hundred disfiguring scars and gashes? These are questions you should probably begin asking yourself – at least, if you plan on playing The Elder Scrolls Online when it launches next year. True to Elder Scrolls tradition, the big, hopefully not bad MMO spin-off will allow for character customization out the wazoo, which sounds really painful. In reality, however, it looks like quite a pleasant feature, although the series’ history of bizarre, uncanny valley unfriendly faces might have a thing or two to say about that. Venture into this post’s frigid southern reaches for a video.

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Thief Abandons XP System Due To Fan Outcry

By Nathan Grayson on October 17th, 2013.

Thank goodness I leveled up my staring eyes stat.

Thief hasn’t exactly been well-received by longtime series diehards, but so far Eidos Montreal has opted to brazenly stay the course, claiming that “fan resistance” of its new direction is unwarranted. Until now, anyway. In a maybe too-little-too-late but still heartening turn, the developer’s tossing aside an XP system that would’ve started Garrett off as A Pretty Good Thief – not, you know, the master of his sticky fingered art, that thing he’s known for more so than anything else ever. Little XP pop-ups might’ve put an arrow right between the eyes (and “I’s”) of immersion too, so I’m happy to see them go. Details below.

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Chivalry: The Deadliest Warrior Has Very Mean Vikings

By Nathan Grayson on September 19th, 2013.

My favorite thing about being a viking is the unique, eye-catching wardrobe.

Gaming’s had something of a love affair with vikings as of late, although the history books rarely mention dragon-felling shouts or horns and robotic embodiments of eternal night. This is, I imagine, in part due to the fact that those things are entirely fictional. Vikings, however, had hopes and dreams and pikes proudly bearing the festering heads of their enemies just like the rest of us. They were real, and – as Chivalry: The Deadliest Warrior hopes to demonstrate – some of them were total jerkstores. Feast your eyes on a trailer below, but probably watch your neck as well. It is how your head stays attached to your body, and these vikings very much object to that arrangement.

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Survivalish: Day One: Garry’s Incident

By Craig Pearson on September 19th, 2013.

Hug?
Day One Garry’s Incident needs a better name. “Garry” is already known in the game world, and then there’s the whole “Incident” thing. I’ve watched the trailer for the survival FPS and that’s putting it mildly, so I’ve helpfully come up with a few suggestions: “Amazonian Zombie Face Tossers”, “Whoops, I Blew Up Your Pyramid”, “Ahhhh! The Top’s Come Off The Mountain”, “Go To Hell, Monkeys!”, “Panther Wrestling”, or perhaps just “Tomb Raider Already Did It (Working Title)”. If from that you’ve surmised it’s a survival game set in a jungle with Mayan influences, you’d be completely correct. The trailer will fill in the rest of the gaps for you.
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