Posts Tagged ‘Staring Eyes’

Plants Vs Zombies: GW Goes Battlefield In New Mode

These are staring eyes so potent that, even when they're not looking right at you, they're totally looking right at you.

I sure do love the fact that Plants vs Zombies: Garden Warfare is suffering an arbitrary delay on PC. Makes savoring each promotional morsel all the sweeter, yes indeed. Who needs dumb anchors like a release date and payoff when you can praise the heavens for every little crumb that tumbles your way instead? Wait, no, the other thing: ugggggggggggggggggggghhhhh.

Oh but Garden Warfare’s Battlefield-inspired Gardens and Graveyards mode looks kinda neat I guess.

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The Legolation Of Smaug: Lego The Hobbit

They should probably turn around.

Someday, we will all probably be made of Lego bricks. Based on the ceaseless, inevitable march of Traveler’s Tales’ “Lego The Thing” (not a Lego version of The Thing, which is something that absolutely needs to happen) franchise, it’s only a matter of time. We may as well cherish what little time we have left as easily popped flesh balloons, given that we will soon be born again in jaundiced plastic. For now, though, The Hobbit is next under the Legofication Ray, and it’s looking, well, like The Hobbit, only sillier and made of blocks. Watch the first trailer of Lego The Hobbit below.

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Wolf Among Us Ep 2 Won’t Be Among Us Until 2014

'I am a person who is inordinately upset by hands.'

YOU GUYS, YOU GUYS, you’re not going to believe this: there are already wolves among us. Right now. They’re called “dogs,” and we bred them into blind subservience over the course of a few generations. Many of them, however, are capable of reducing humans to blubbering piles of incoherent baby babble with a simple wag of the tail or awkward pawing attempt at a handshake. Who, in this equation, is really man, and who is beast? It’s a chilling thou– oh man look at this puppy! Was I talking about something? Oh hm, episode two of Telltale’s Fables series, The Wolf Among Us, won’t be out until sometime early next year. Bummer.

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Sax And Violins: Arranger

Sorry.
Whatever Arranger is, and it appears to be many things, it has something in it called a “Turpato Peeler”. That is such a beautiful mangling of the term that I laughed for about a minute. The rest of this strange adventure game seems no less silly and wondrous: it’s set in a world of music and inspired by classic point and clickers, and a game where you fight not with swords or guns, but with the musical instruments that you’ve collected in your adventures. Your goal is to become the best music arranger the world of Musica has ever seen. The trailer below is quite the thing.
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Special – Saints Row IV: How The Saints Save Christmas

Who's that guy in the middle? Didn't everyone play SR4 as a US-flag-emblazoned Abraham Lincoln hippy Jesus like me?

Every great pop culture entity needs a Christmas special. I mean, who doesn’t love seeing their favorite characters shoehorned into an emotionally hollow, often obligatory plot that ends with a Very Valuable Lesson about family or selflessness or time travel ghosts or something? It’s a tradition nearly as old as Walmart itself. But OK, in fairness, some Christmas specials aren’t entirely terrible, and if anyone can elbow drop the cliche in the groin until it slithers back into the bowels of its holly, jolly dungeon of soulless commercialism, it’s Saints Row. Saints Row IV‘s next DLC episode, How The Saints Save Christmas, will almost certainly bash the very concept of Christmas specials’ head against the fourth wall until both are naught but jagged shards. Dash through the snow below for details.

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Seeing Double: Valve Set To Reveal Its Own VR Hardware

Hey, did you hear? Valve’s throwing a giant party and YOU AREN’T INVITED. Neither am I, for that matter. Steam Dev Days is a set of developer-only sessions at Valve HQ in Seattle, and I’d love to be a fly on the wall for it except that flies have meaningless, grubby little lives that are typically snuffed out hours after they begin. Also, they’re unable to use virtual reality hardware, which would kind of defeat the purpose of wriggling my putrid little fly body through an open window to begin with. But anyway, Valve plans to show off its own VR hardware prototype during the gathering – an interesting decision given its decision to cast off CastAR and the reality-blurring reign of VR neo-cyber godking 20XX Oculus Rift.

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In Your Face: Character Creation In Elder Scrolls Online

Why yes, you're correct: I haven't blinked in my entire life! How could you tell?

How do you take your Elder Scrolls characters? Green? Purple? Thick? Lean? With one lump or two hundred disfiguring scars and gashes? These are questions you should probably begin asking yourself – at least, if you plan on playing The Elder Scrolls Online when it launches next year. True to Elder Scrolls tradition, the big, hopefully not bad MMO spin-off will allow for character customization out the wazoo, which sounds really painful. In reality, however, it looks like quite a pleasant feature, although the series’ history of bizarre, uncanny valley unfriendly faces might have a thing or two to say about that. Venture into this post’s frigid southern reaches for a video.

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Thief Abandons XP System Due To Fan Outcry

Thank goodness I leveled up my staring eyes stat.

Thief hasn’t exactly been well-received by longtime series diehards, but so far Eidos Montreal has opted to brazenly stay the course, claiming that “fan resistance” of its new direction is unwarranted. Until now, anyway. In a maybe too-little-too-late but still heartening turn, the developer’s tossing aside an XP system that would’ve started Garrett off as A Pretty Good Thief – not, you know, the master of his sticky fingered art, that thing he’s known for more so than anything else ever. Little XP pop-ups might’ve put an arrow right between the eyes (and “I’s”) of immersion too, so I’m happy to see them go. Details below.

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Chivalry: The Deadliest Warrior Has Very Mean Vikings

My favorite thing about being a viking is the unique, eye-catching wardrobe.

Gaming’s had something of a love affair with vikings as of late, although the history books rarely mention dragon-felling shouts or horns and robotic embodiments of eternal night. This is, I imagine, in part due to the fact that those things are entirely fictional. Vikings, however, had hopes and dreams and pikes proudly bearing the festering heads of their enemies just like the rest of us. They were real, and – as Chivalry: The Deadliest Warrior hopes to demonstrate – some of them were total jerkstores. Feast your eyes on a trailer below, but probably watch your neck as well. It is how your head stays attached to your body, and these vikings very much object to that arrangement.

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Survivalish: Day One: Garry’s Incident

Hug?
Day One Garry’s Incident needs a better name. “Garry” is already known in the game world, and then there’s the whole “Incident” thing. I’ve watched the trailer for the survival FPS and that’s putting it mildly, so I’ve helpfully come up with a few suggestions: “Amazonian Zombie Face Tossers”, “Whoops, I Blew Up Your Pyramid”, “Ahhhh! The Top’s Come Off The Mountain”, “Go To Hell, Monkeys!”, “Panther Wrestling”, or perhaps just “Tomb Raider Already Did It (Working Title)”. If from that you’ve surmised it’s a survival game set in a jungle with Mayan influences, you’d be completely correct. The trailer will fill in the rest of the gaps for you.
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The Flare Path: Secretes Secret History

Manfred von Richthofen’s final flight – the facts you won’t find in any book or documentary:

Fact 1. If letters written by his batman, Andreas Krantz, circa 1929 are to be believed, in the weeks leading up to his death, the increasingly withdrawn Richthofen spent many hours poring over medieval bestiaries in the library at Chateau d’Arandeau. Fact 2. On April 19, 1918, two days before his death, Richthofen instructed Jasta 11’s chief mechanic to commence work on a fully enclosed cockpit canopy – the first of its kind in military aviation. Fact 3. Reports that Dr.1 425/17 was undamaged when it crash-landed at Vaux-sur-Somme were disputed by at least one eyewitness. Gunner Edward Kendall recollected seeing large rents in the aircraft’s tail and top plane canvas. Fact 4. According to Bryce Buckland, an Australian chaplain also present at Vaux-sur-Somme, though Richthofen’s last word was the infamous “Kaput”, the word he was muttering while being lifted from the cockpit was “Greif” not “Angriff”. Read the rest of this entry »

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Sure Sounds Like Blizzard Wants To Take WoW F2P

Only a couple short years ago, most pasty, naked, Earth-dwelling flesh creatures (aka, humans) figured World of Warcraft would forever remain the final bastion of subscription MMOs’ heyday. Now, however, it’s screaming “mayday” as subscriber numbers plummet, proving that no institution is immortal and I should never be allowed to rhyme things. Recent comments from Blizzard suggesting a free-to-play conversion might not be that far off, then, shouldn’t come as much of a surprise – especially since the slowly deflating MMO titan recently added a microtransaction store.

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Free-To-Scare: F.E.A.R. Online Trailer

staring eyes
When I play online shooters, the only thing that goes bump in the night is my mouse. If I get killed, I usually give the poor pointing device a fair old whack on the table, which I do to make sure it’s calibrated. It’s in no way a childish act of petulance that has sent at least one mouse off to Logitech’s “calibration support team” in bits and pieces. And the scream I let off is to make sure my microphone works. Anyway, those bumps will soon be joined by bumps of fear and terror, as Warner Bros. attempts to resurrect its horror shooter series F.E.A.R. as a free-to-play multiplayer game. If there is true evil in the world, it’s found in the marketing meeting room where F.E.A.R. Online was first floated.
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