A quick refresher on the epochal events of everyone’s favourite ten-year-old videogame… If you find any inaccuracies in this meticulously-researched document, that’s because you’re wrong. Spoilers, obv.
INT: A BIG RED ROOM WITH A GIGANTIC CREEPY HAND IN IT
BOB PAGE: Underneath this gigantic creepy hand is the perfect place to openly discuss our plans to take over the world.
WALTON SIMMONS: Yes. And I seem to have been promoted into a position of immense power despite being incredibly and obviously sinister. No-one would ever suspect me of unleashing synthetic plagues and killer cyborgs.
BOB PAGE: Aquinas spoke of the mythical City on the Hill. Soon that city will be a reality, and we will be crowned its kings. Or better than kings. Gods.
THE PLAYER: I do hope you’re not expecting me to be surprised when you two turn out to be evil later.
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