Rock, Paper, Shotgun

Just when I thought I was out they pulled me back in again. I’d uninstalled TF2 and everything was going well: other games were getting attention, my girlfriend showed me this thing called ‘Outside’, that didn’t have people setting me on fire or asking me to give them stuff, and then Valve announced Mann Vs Machine. I could just give it a try, yes? I can always uninstall it? I knew I was lying to myself, but it needn’t matter: it’s not like I’ve managed to get into a game.
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Any new Team Fortress 2 Payload maps are relevant to my interests. My interests being defending my themed house from carts of explosives while wearing a very silly hat. I rarely stray from Badwater Basin, but when I do it’s for more Payload fun. So I’m eagerly awaiting the entries of the newly announced TF2Maps.net Dynamic Payload competition, to add a little excitement to the bomb on wheels.
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Team Fortress 2′s sinewy neck of content has been slashed open once more, pumping forth a bloody torrent of hats and features. It’s the third annual Halloween update, and it brings full-body costumes for every class (including a fantastic “teleporter gone wrong” Brundlefly for the Engineer), an update for classic King of the Hill map Viaduct turning it into Eyeaduct, which features dimension-jumping slipgates and a spooktacular boss fight with the Demoman’s demon-posessed eyeball, and finally another superb Halloween-themed comic book depicting the origins of said demon eyeball. It’s all still Free to Play of course, with the new costume items being found randomly throughout the map or available to buy immediately in the MannCo store. A short demonstration of the boss battle is after the jump.

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As I wake up to a thick blanket of snow that I’m too ill to venture out in, and curse the skies for their endlessly cruel mockery, I do spare a thought for the Australians. In fact, a good half of the planet lives under the hegemony of the romanticised “white Christmas”, as their Peanuts cartoons and idyllic snowglobes contradict the lovely sunny day outside. This plight is also seemingly recognised by Team Fortress 2, which has just released an updated entitled, Australian Christmas.

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Grab your Jarate bottles, it’s about to get all Halloweeny. In the second, and thus now annual, All Hallows Eve update for Team Fortress 2, the game has added its first ever NPC boss monster. He’s the Horseless Headless Horsemann (indeed, a long lost member of the Mann family), and only appears in a new spooky map, Mann Manor. He’s randomly generated, and DOESN’T HAVE A HEAD… OR A HORSE. Cripes!

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Dan Kelly alerts us to the (apparently) now fixed bug which slipped in with the last TF2 update, which allowed you to build as many sentries and dispensers as they choose. “There’s something very cool about watching 40 sentries simultainiously bleep and take down a heavy,” he notes. You can follow the chaos on the TF2 forum, with lots of people doing their own ludicrous, glorious, game-ruining gun spam. And some footage with Spose’s NSFW I’m Awesome as a soundtrack follows…
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A lot of people pointed this out to us. It’s an impressively well-done animation-insert of the Team Fortress 2 cast into the trailer of the recent Law Abiding Citizen. Next up, we request the introduction of Pyro and Spy into In the Mood For Love. Yeah, you heard. Until then, you’ll find Law Abiding Engineer below…
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Worried about our slow news day (is it?) Dan Dixon alerted us to a TF2 themed video of quite remarkable quality. And so we now present it to you, below. It’s by Andrew Kepple, and Flash animates a tale of love between the Spy and the Pyro. Along the way there’s about 400 references to various games and cartoons, along with some fantastic animation that’s clearly inspired by John Kricfalusi.

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You remember the TF2 Propaganda compo, yes? You remember the winner, yes? Do you remember the runners-ups? If you do, you’ve been to the TF2 blog before we posted this. If you haven’t, go look, and prepare yourself of future remembrance of the awesome array of talent shown by the TF2-community. There’s just some brilliant stuff and I salute them all. The top image is by the delightfully named metalpiss. I’d go see a doctor about that, man. It’s not right.

For many years, I have had a fantasy. My fantasy involves the Team Fortress 2 Spy, with a deformed parrot perched on his shoulder. Who could resist such a thing? A mustachioed bigamist, that’s who, and they should be shunned. But I’ve tried to forget about it, knowing it could never be. Except now, news reaches me – via blues via the TF2 blog – that Valve are now accepting submissions for in-game items and avatars from human beings who are not Valve software. Perhaps those high from the success of Rock Paper Shotgunity will join me? Perhaps, but I don’t care. I am making a parrot. I will make the parrot.

The Demoman/Soldier war is over. And to the victors, the spoils. The final score? 6,406,065 Demomen deaded by Soldiers versus 6,372,979 soldiers deaded by demomen. The Soldiers could be gracious in victory. But where’s the fun in that? Yah-boo, etc. But let’s not dwell on this drubbing of the inferior demomen – let’s concentrate on the new goodies in the update. New maps! Crafting! Stuff and things and shit. And, being an update weekend, it’s free at the moment so anyone can go and play.

I was actually going to do this post in an ironic “Oh God. Not another update. I wish Valve would stop supporting TF2, because it’s getting really boring” style, but actually nosing through all the stuff has made me incapable of holding that posture of cynicism. It all looks rather neat.