Posted by RPS on October 20th, 2009.
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We’ve played Gearbox’s fancy-lookin’ “role-playing shooter”, Borderlands, and we’re ready for a verdict. What will we have to say?
Jim: Who wants to try to define the game in a single sentence then, eh?
Kieron: Hellgate in a desert, but not shit.
Alec: There’s some sort definition involving the words “Diablo” and “guns”, but I can’t work out how to stick them together.
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Posted by RPS on April 19th, 2009.
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We’ve been playing Zeno Clash. Developers Ace Team were kind enough to suggest that we should furnish you with the world’s first review of their insane beat ‘em up. Our razor-sharp analysis of defeating elephantmen and bludgeoning lunatics follows.
Jim: Right, our subject today is the esoteric fist ‘em up, Zeno Clash, by Chilean types, Ace Team.
Alec: I liked the bit where I repeatedly punched a bird-man in the face.
Jim: Bird-men are scum.
Kieron: Shall I do a brief fact-o-list of the game so we have the FACTS on the table?
Jim: Yes, facts, because facts are super-true.
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Posted by RPS on July 1st, 2008.
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Jim: Okay, a quick verdict. “The Spore Creature Creator is quite good.” Anyone have anything else to add?
Kieron: I concur.
John: You can make knobs.
Jim: Actually it’s a shame that our penis coverage, so to speak, has eclipsed the other clever creations.
Kieron: Yeah – I actually feel a little guilt on this. There’s a selection of genuinely awesome stuff out there – the ED209s, the planes, the chairs…
Alec: The legs aren’t great.
John: I had a desire to make a sofa, but it never really worked out.
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Posted by RPS on April 29th, 2008.
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You find our bickering crew mid-insult, as they talk bad about John’s mum and make fun of Kieron’s general confusion in the face of existence. But there’s a purpose to this gathering, and it’s to discuss the most recent Trackmania games. Let’s see how we get on.
John: We should totally print this. A verdict on how Kieron can’t do jokes.
Kieron: Kieron can’t read, Thankyou.
Jim: I have no idea what game we’re verdicting – Trackmania Unified Nations Forever United?
Kieron: United?
John: United’s a year old game.
Alec: Nations Forever is free. United Forever is the latest retail version.
Jim: Forever Nations Mania TrackNited?
Kieron: Yeah, we’re lost. Can we just have a verdict on their ludicrously stupid naming scheme?
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Posted by Jim Rossignol on April 4th, 2008.
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Kieron: Ready?
Jim: Ready.
Kieron: Okay. I stick on Mogwai Fears Satan, as it’s the most piece of SPACE WAR music I have to hand. And let’s consider Sins Of A Solar Empire, the game people are literally calling “Sins Of A Solar Empire”. It’s a Space-based RTS from some guys who we mainly know for Homeworld Cataclysm, published by the guys who made Gal Civ 2. As the lineage may suggest, it’s an enormous Space War game which mashes a load of Gal-Civ-esque elements into a more traditional RTS. I’ve played it since the Beta. What about you, Jim?
Jim: Hmm, well I tend to go for more Lustmord when in spacewar. I like that alien-thunder in the depths of space vibe, plus I’m secretly a goth from Manchester. Anyway, I’ve been playing the game since it arrived on my desk a few weeks ago.
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Posted by Jim Rossignol on March 21st, 2008.
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It’s verdict time again and we’ve all been playing Warhammer 40k: Dawn Of War – Soulstorm. It’s Real Time Strategy in that distant universe where the warring space folks are all vaguely analogous to fantasy archetypes. Hmm. Let’s see what we thought of it.
John : Jim. I’ve heard something about a game called Warhammer: 40,000,000,000 Mark of Chaos: Dawn of War: Soulstorm. Tell us about it.
Jim : Ok, Soulstorm is the ninety fifth expansion pack for Dawn of War, I think? And it’s ONLY WAR in there. No making friends, no talking to the monsters. It’s RTS explosions n stuff, with nine races from the Games Workshop codices of miniature armament. Imagine that!
Kieron : (Count ‘em!)
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Posted by RPS on March 3rd, 2008.
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Like some sort of lumbering clockwork giant, the RPS Hivemind has duly constructed the second instalment of its new Monday feature – discussing a recent game of note, then casting a vote upon its worth. No ludicrous letter-based scoring systems here, though – simply, to buy, or not to buy? That is our question.
This time around, it’s award-winning synaesthesia game Audiosurf. We’ve waffled about it a fair bit on RPS previously, so you’d presume we all loved it, right? You may be surprised. You may be less surprised to see our thin veil of camaraderie ripped aside to reveal the snidey barbs, self-interest and hypocrisy beneath. Rock, Paper, Shotgun – like an old, married couple arguing about groceries.
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Posted by RPS on February 25th, 2008.
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We’ve been trying to work out a way to do something a little more like reviews on RPS for a while, without actually doing anything as boring as that. We’ve come up with this: The RPS Verdict. The idea is simple. We take a recently released game that most of us have played and just have a little chat about it. Those who haven’t played it act like an interested party, asking whatever questions come to mind. Then, at the end, we pose a single question to the panel: Would you buy it? Also, add jokes to season, as is our wont, and lob up here.
We thought we’d start this new tradition with the recently-released shooter, The Club.
