Rock, Paper, Shotgun

I’m ten. I’m sitting in the solvent-soaked school art room doodling, when my friends sneak in. They’ve got something amazing to show me. It’s a little dwarf made out of lead, and Fat Winnie has just bought it off Big-Nosed Will, who actually painted it. It’s like got an AXE! Will’d mainly used red paint on it (“For the blood” he says. He now works in advertising) but it’s soooo cool. This is the start.
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Last week Alec gifted us with his opinionations on Dawn of War II: Retribution, the latest standalone expansion for Relic’s Dawn of War II. When the game was released on Friday Kieron and Quinns, as ever, found themselves in the mood for some bombastic hyper-war. And lo, this very lunchtime the three men gathered and holstered their guns for the official RPS Verdict.
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Yep, the hive-dwelling bio-weaponised ones join Orks and Eldar as the next playable faction – playable in the single-player campaign, that is – for the big Dawn Of War 2 expansion, Retribution, as revealed in PC Gamer’s scoop. There’s also a trailer of the handsome aliens in action, which I’ve posted below. Go team ‘Nids!
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Now this is a surprise. Everyone was expecting the forthcoming Vigil 40K MMO to focus on the ever-commercial Zoat vs Jokero battles. But it seems that, at least in some small way, the game will feature the obscure “Space Marine” characters, as shown in the new gallery at Kotaku. As you’ll probably be unaware of, these are heavily-armoured genetically-modified space-fascists. It’s certainly a surprise that they’ll feature so prominently in an MMO – with the enormous development costs, you’d have suspected they’d have played it safer. Let’s hope the risk pays off.

Some less sarcastic commentary follows…
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With real game footage! Cor, imagine a trailer that actually showed you what the game engine looked like as someone played it. I know, it’s a radical idea, but Relic have gone and done it. It also reveals one of the other races that will come with the game, and let’s just say that they’re not exactly shattering the mould with this one.

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Oh dear, we have spent a lot of time talking about flashing pixel adaptations of Games Workshop stuff lately. It’s almost as if this site is run by four middle-class Englishmen. This time though, we’ll mostly defer to PC Gamer UK, who’ve dug up the first concrete factlets about the mysteeeeeerious Warhammer 40,000 MMO.

Notably, it’s definitely something World of Warcraftian – i.e. an RPG, not some crazy MMO FPS or RTS. Despite my glass-half-empty nature, I’m going to remain cheery, especially because it’s been proven that roleplaying in the 40K universe can fit right into whole Only War, giant army thing. Still, I can’t quite stop the nightmare visions of solo Space Marines grinding cyber-pigs in cyber-forests for cyber-gold. I’m quite sure it’ll be much braver than that, but lawks, I was so hoping for 40K-themed Planetside.
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I went and reviewed Soulstorm over on Eurogamer. This is one of those reviews that someone is going to fiercely disagree with, isn’t it?

The normal Eldar might be a bit emo, but they’ve got some class. The Deldar are awkward pubescent posers, like they did Chaos but didn’t inhale.