Rock, Paper, Shotgun

Now that everyone who isn’t mad has roundly agreed that Windows 8 is a whole bucketful of stupid, even Microsoft are acknowledging that trying to bruteforce people into using their computers completely differently was a silly move. Yes, Windows 8 basically has cheerful old Windows 7 lurking underneath its disruptive, tablet-orientated Metro skin, but the wasted seconds spent getting it to it every time, or inefficiently trying to get to your program or option of choice, really stack up as the months wear on, and the frustration that the OS keeps insisting on doing its own thing doesn’t go away. Now multiple reports are coming in that the forthcoming 8.1 update will allow booting to the traditional desktop, and might even reinstate the Start button.
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Microsoft’s Surface Pro tablet once seemed an interesting prospect. A tablet that was no weakling, a PC in a flat, touchable screen, with a keyboard in its flexible cover. It made us at RPS realise we need to reassess what counts as a PC, asked us questions about how far our remit now stretches. At this point, we’re now wondering if anyone on the planet is going to buy one. A thought underlined by today’s news from Verge that the 64GB version of the device will only have 23GB of usable storage.

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It’s been a while since Microsoft pulled the ol’ ‘oh no, this new version of DirectX couldn’t possibly work on earlier versions of Windows’ scamgasm, but as the relatively friendly age of Windows 7 is overshadowed by the dawning of the firm’s desperate desire to make Windows 8 a cross-platform goliath/software shop, an old habit has returned. The next version of DirectX might be a purely iterative one, but if you ever look a game that requires DirectX 11.1 you’ll be looking at a game that won’t run on Windows 7 or earlier.
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You may have heard recent tell of a certain tall green man’s return to the videogame shoot-o-sphere. He’s technically called John, and – contrary to popular belief – he’s related to RPS’ resident owner of that moniker in name and combat prowess only. Unfortunately, in spite of the fact that Halo 4‘s apparently one of the best in the series’ billowing legacy, Microsoft’s not too keen on telling its Master Chief chefs to serve up a helping of the new adventure on our humble, Halo-starved biggest gaming platform on Earth. You’d think the big M would at least consider it, too, seeing as it’s trying valiantly to push Windows 8 as a gaming platform at the moment. That, however, does not appear to be the case.

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The jury’s still out on Windows 8. Well, my jury isn’t – I’m dual-booting my PC with it at the moment, and I think it’s a clumsy, insidious and arrogant mistake in terms of how it applies to desktop PCs, even if it much makes more sense for touchscreens. I’ll admit it doesn’t seem to do anything negative to existent PC games, however. More on that later, though. One thing Microsoft does want to do with Win8 is re-establish it as a gaming platform, though in terms of the iDevice app store rather than a pixel-shaded mega-shooter sort of way. To try and encourage more game development for their awkwardly bastardised new OS, Mirosoft have launched a dev compo – with the winner bagging money, a marketing campaign and a posh trailer for their project.
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Until today, I’ve been of the opinion that anyone proclaiming the Mayan apocalypse will strike in 2012 was a half-witted knobhead, but now I too have the incontrovertible proof of impending doom for all humanity.

Windows 8 is odious for many reasons – specifically because it’s an inept mangling-together of three different interfaces, a disturbing attempt to turn the PC into a walled garden and it stealths a shopping channel into the heart of the OS – but hearing that PC game stalwarts Minesweeper, Solitaire and Majong will be re-released and infected with Achievements as part of it drove to me true despair. All hope is lost. The Earth will burn.
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Like the headline says, I have something of a conspiracy theory going here. Let’s review the evidence: 1) Valve has never released an official threequel. This, clearly, is because that would put it one step closer to the number eight. 2) I have never seen Windows 8 and Gabe Newell in the same room together. (This could also mean that Gabe Newell is Windows 8.) 3) Search Steam for “metro.” It turns up a series about a Russian nuclear apocalypse. Coincidence? I don’t have to answer that question. 4) When someone mentions Windows 8, Newell makes this face. 5) He recently said some things. He used the word “catastrophe”.

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Skulls of the Shogun may have tickled your angry bone when 17-Bit announced that the turn-based battler will be a Windows 8 exclusive, but there are some benefits to that decision. Foremost, as the developer told us, it means getting to launch simultaneously on PC and Xbox. And now, another rather nice silver lining has made its way out from behind all the rage clouds: Skulls of the Shogun gets to be the first game with cross-platform multiplayer between PC, Xbox, phone, and tablet. I can’t think of anyone else who’s done that yet, so I suppose that makes this a pretty big deal, huh?

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