Posts Tagged ‘Worst-Ninja’

The Worst Ninja, Chapter 4 – Power

By Alec Meer on October 11th, 2007.

Continuing (and probably concluding) my irregular misadventures in Ultima Online: Kingdom Reborn. For the story so far, a sad tale of axeless lumberjacking, lost shoes, bullying healers and being rubbish at hiding, clicky here and scroll down.

Things are looking up. I mean, I’m being diligently followed everywhere by a horse, a llama, a dog, a cat and a rabbit. They’ll fight for me if I tell them to. Even the rabbit. I can’t think a more definite sign that I’ve made it.
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The Worst Ninja, Chapter 3: Logs

By Alec Meer on October 7th, 2007.

Readers who’ve been visiting RPS since the halcyon days of ooh, August may recall my irregular misadventures in Ultima Online: Kingdom Reborn. For the story so far, a sad tale of lost shoes, bullying healers and being rubbish at hiding, clicky here and scroll down. The concept, if you can’t be bothered to read the last two posts, is this: I’d never played Ultima Online before this year, and rather foolishly believed it would be something like the MMOs I am familiar with. It really isn’t. Despite its recent ooh-shiny remake, UO doesn’t make much effort to explain its workings to new players, which, when you’re as stupid as I am, results in a great deal of confusion, terror and hilarity. My quest – to achieve something like progress based only on the information given to me by the game itself.

Disconsolate about my continued failure to kill anything that isn’t cute’n'fluffy, I turn to more creative pursuits. I need a hobby, preferably one that doesn’t involve fighting impossibly tough zombies. But what sort of profession would be suitable for an off-duty ninja? Tailoring? Nah. Knitting somehow doesn’t scream ‘silent assassin.’ Tanning? I’m a vegetarian – wouldn’t be on, really. Aha – lumberjacking and carpentry. It’s as honest a trade as they come, and there’s something fairly macho about chopping down trees, so this is evidently a perfect method of restoring my battered man-pride.

I report for duty to New Haven’s chief carpenter guy, who asks I get hold of 60 logs for him. The fact he can’t get ‘em himself has me concerned that he’s perhaps not the master of woodcraft he’s claiming to be, but hell, anyone’s an expert compared to me. More importantly, a tree probably can’t punch me in the face. This should be a challenge even I’m capable of. Famous last log-based words.

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The Worst Ninja, Chapter 2: Shoes

By Alec Meer on August 30th, 2007.

Continuing my abortive attempts to understand Ultima Online: Kingdom Reborn, the remake of the venerable MMORPG.

Today I killed a llama. No-one seemed to mind. I also killed a goat and a horse, but a frog beat the hell out of me. The fact it was called ‘Bogling’ rather than ‘Frog’ is, in retrospect, a reasonable clue. Later, when it got dark, I killed a cougar that I was convinced was trying to steal babies from cots or something. I’ve yet to see any other cougars, so now I’m a bit worried I’ve killed the only big cat in New Haven. I’m not supposed to be killing endangered species – I’m supposed to be a ninja, noblest of all the warriors. Except I’m a ninja that still can’t hide.

Full-on ninja-versus-llama action: the stuff they couldn’t show in cinemas!

After the jump: the murderous healer and the great shoe drought. Read the rest of this entry »

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The Worst Ninja, Chapter 1: Hiding

By Alec Meer on August 29th, 2007.

This may be the first in a short series, or it may be a one-off post of disheartened misery. Either way, you’ll soon be able to make pretty exact estimates about how much willpower I have. As mentioned yesterday, I’ve had a strange, some might say futile and insane, desire to take a poke around the Ultima Online overhaul, Kingdom Reborn, for a while now. It’s the father of the modern MMO, and, not being seriously internetted in its heyday, I’d never played it previously. So, I was curious to see how it compares to its many colourful children. It was released this week, and so I did.

After the jump: becoming 0.2% better at hiding, and accidentally turning into a rabbit. Read the rest of this entry »

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