Those Who Are About To Die…

…We shall shoot you. Although possibly not until around 1 AM.

Yes, today is Team Fortress 2 Beta Day, or TFTBD as almost no-one is certainly calling it. Annoyingly, we’ve still no word on exactly when the 2.41Gb (equal to roughly 160 copies of Peggle) of preload will be unlocked, though this forum posting from a Valveman puts it as, simply, ‘late in the day’.

Some lazy maths: if Valve’s idea of late in the day is, say, 6pm, and they’re based as they are in Seattle, in UK time that’d mean one in the morning. 1 AM. This is horribly, horribly unfair for those of us with partners who, for some inexplicable reason, feel that our staying up until silly o’clock to loudly shoot men in the face is insensitive behaviour.

So, here’s hoping for a 4pm Seattle-time unlock, and a sound night’s sleep for us Limeys. Either way, if you want in to the beta, you’ve got a scant few hours to go and pre-order The Orange box in. Quickly now; it comes with free Peggle.

Please unlock the Team Fortress 2 Beta right now, Valve. Please. Pleeeeeeeease.

Ahem. Meantime, if you haven’t done so already, please join the Rock, Paper, Shotgun Steam Community, and you’ll then be able to establish and join whichever TF2 server we’re busy humiliating ourselves on whenever Valve do finally open the gates of hyper-stylised FPS heaven.


  1. Carey says:

    We ‘shall shoot’ you.

    Sounds more like salute innit. FACT.

  2. Alec Meer says:

    Ach. Desperate need for the game’s putting my punning all outta whack.

  3. The_B says:

    I’m just going to sit in the chatroom with great sadness. Feel free to laugh at me.

  4. Carey says:

    It’s OK. It helps me release the build-up of pun-pressure now I don’t have an outlet.
    I’m currently like one of them world-class weightlifters who’s muscly bulk is steadily running to fat. Ghastly, punny fat.

  5. Feet says:


  6. Feet says:

    Also I’m hoping this is gonna be better than ET: QW (for me) btw.

    Hopey hope hope!

  7. Adam Hepton says:

    For some reason known only to my inner sense of sadism, I’m accompanying my friend to Derby County tonight and, as providence would have it, I am unlikely to be back in the house until 1am. Hurrah!

  8. drunkymonkey says:

    Wouldn’t that be masochism?

  9. Savage says:

    I must play this game before I explode. I ‘misunderstood’ which day this was going to unlock on, and finally gave up screaming at the screen at about 3am last night. If I don’t get to shoot someone in the face real soon…

  10. Carey says:

    Depends what he’s planning to do to his ‘friend’ in Derby County. Sounds like a euphemism to me ‘Hey babby, I’m gonna take you to Derby County…’

    Yeh well maybe not…

  11. Peter Nicholls says:

    The pre-loads unlocked NOW!!!! NOW NOW NOW!!!!
    Slightly less excitably, its crawling along like an arthritic snail thats had its [legs equivalent] broken and than glued to the floor (332.2 kb/s and the progress bar still ain’t moving…) but

    the preloads UNLOCKED! NOW! NOW!!! NOW NOW NOW!!!.

    Shit, I shouldn’t have told you lot. Now it will be even slower.

  12. Peter Nicholls says:

    Ignore me, I am a fool…. It ain’t unlocked at all…
    If I’d only learnt to read

  13. Kieron Gillen says:

    You have shamed me, Peter.


  14. Peter Nicholls says:

    Bet I had you going for a minute though….

  15. Jon says:

    For those waiting, this guy here has uploaded about 20 mins of actual game footage. Shame the guy playing was using a controller but still…