Time of No-One’s Life

However you might personally feel about the film, there’s a reason so many girls formed such a strong attachment to Dirty Dancing. It tells a tale of romance, eroticism and empowerment designed to hit all the right notes for a puberty-addled girlteen.

A videogame adaptation consisting of minigames, including a buffet-based tile puzzle, Sims-style furniture purchase and arranging pictures of dancing couples around, inexplicably, a large melon, doesn’t quite seem to have realised the point of the movie. Though the one in which in you have to navigate the Baby analogue (actor likenesses and official soundtrack appearances seem to be minimal) along a very, very long tree trunk perhaps might be some horrific allusion to the character’s deflowered-by-Swayze scene.


  1. Bobsy says:

    Boy howdy. That’s brilliantly rubbish. In fact, it’s SO awful I can’t imagine it being made other than entirely on purpose by a lead programmer deeply embedded in cynicism. Bless.

  2. Kieron Gillen says:

    I suspect Baby will be left in the corner.


  3. wiper says:

    I got to about halfway through that before my brain started to die. The sad thing is that I haven’t just seen flash-based games that seemed less cheap, but that the /majority/ of flash-games seem less cheap than that piece of excrement.

  4. Leo says:

    I carried a watermelon?!

  5. Carey says:

    I’m so glad Leo got there first. I was compelled to comment that the Melon is reference to Baby’s social gaff in front of the studly Swayze and that the long tree trunk is clearly a reference to one of Baby’s dancing lessons from said stud atop a long tree trunk (presumably cos it helps with balance or soemthing… Worked for the Karate Kid).

    …. er… bugger

    Nevermind Portal, /I’m/ clearly so gay….

  6. Alec Meer says:

    Fair cop. I suspect both those moments occur after the point I can’t bear to watch any more of the film.