As an alternative to their usual marketing strategy of making design promises they can’t possibly keep, Lionhead have come up with a new way of exciting fans – asking them to hurl abuse. Specifically, to think up a new insult to be proferred by NPCs who’ve taken a dislike to your character in Fable 2, replacing the outgoing ‘Arseface’.

The rules? Simple:

“Puerile, but not too puerile, sound at least somewhat original, and not cross a certain line (as an example, “gobshite” has been rejected because, while it might sound funny and wacky to American ears, it’s still a bit too strong for Fable and British ears).The thing to remember is that it’s a way for Fable villagers to call the Hero an arsehole because they hate him/her and obviously needs to work for both genders.”

Of course, the real reason to read Lionhead’s post is not to submit your own hiiiiiilarious put-down, but to stare in horror at what absolute, moronic filth the wretched internet cretins who probably think such a challenge is the reason they were put on this Earth have come up with so far. Elegant examples to date include “Skankmuncher”, “Wank stain”, “Poodildo”, “Spacktard” and “King of rim”. Dear Christ. This probably wasn’t a good idea, was it? For mercy’s sake, RPS community, get over there and give poor Lionhead an invective they can actually use.

For my money, the original’s tamer insult, as seen in this post’s headline, remains The Win.


  1. Bob Arctor says:

    Spacktard, heh.

    Can we revert to un-PC slang, Window Licker?

    Twazzock has gone out of fashion, could bring that back.

  2. Stew says:

    A pity that the more inventive b3tans haven’t seen this. “Watermeloning cranberry!” “Worthless Treebadger!” and such.

    I find it thoroughly depressing that someone felt the urge to add the parenthetical on this one:

    “Asskitten (i use this alot actually)”

    Then again, when I’m not being b3tan I’m being Shakespearian. There’s more than Kieron can be pretentious.

  3. FaceOmeter says:

    “Pig’s Bladder On A Stick”
    (actual parliamentary insult)

  4. Feet says:

    What’s wrong with Bastard?

  5. Fat Zombie says:

    Got to love the old stand-by, Gitface.

  6. Andrew says:

    That thread is all kinds of depressing. Dearie me.

    I’ve done my bit for the cause and thrown in ‘Tosspot’.

  7. drunkymonkey says:

    Knob Jockey is a dubious favourite of mine.

  8. Solario says:

    The proper way to do this is, of course, to rewatch Blackadder and just start transcribing.

  9. Andrew says:

    It’s too much to hope for that they’ll use something like ‘roboplegic wrongcock’, really.

  10. Ryan says:

    “Hey, you’re the guy who made Black & White 2, aren’t you?”

  11. tom says:

    “Hah, your AI is nearly as bad as mine!”

  12. I_still_love_Okami says:

    “Look it’s Mr ‘The trees are growing in realtime, really!”

  13. vasagi says:

    er inventive swearing from one of them there blade movie’s

    “cock juggling thunder cunt”

    dunno but on re-reading thats a bit harsh.

  14. vasagi says:

    sorry about that last one :(

  15. terry says:


  16. afray says:

    Sesame Street was this week brought to you by the Shakespearean insult, “Impudent strumpet!”

  17. Piratepete says:

    I always like

    ‘baggage’ as an insult. Or even ‘wastrel’

  18. Iain says:

    I prefer insults that make obscure references to objectionable personal habits, like “Knicker-rummager”, “Nose-miner” or “Pocket-juggler”.

  19. Iain says:

    “Snot-prospector” is a good substitute for “Nose-miner”, too.

  20. Andrew says:

    Small bean regarder?

  21. Diogo Ribeiro says:

    Lionhead have come up with a new way of exciting fans – asking them to hurl abuse

    Seriously, why is a talentless hack like Molyneux still getting any kind of media attention at all? Wasn’t Fable enough of an example of how he has no design concept behind his thinly veiled condescendence towards everyone, that we now need to have this monumental nutjob insult every other role-playing game as if they were all inferior to that boring crossdressing and hackfest of a game? Insults for NPCs to deliver against the PC? Wow, sounds as avant garde as the NPC AI of Fable, with townsfolk cheering your wanton brutality after you’ve paid them a few pints.

  22. Ryan says:

    My roommate and I spent way too long going over these in exhausting detail last night, and for some reason when we got to “beef wizard” I just COULDN’T. STOP. LAUGHING. It’s not even that funny!

  23. Jonathan says:

    Reply to Diogo Ribeiro

    It’s a personal question I know so please don’t be too offended, but has Molyneux punched your mum or something? You seem incredibly angry at someone, who as at most cost you £80-£90 over the course of about 7 years.

    As for why we put up with him take a dart and throw into the list of the games he’s been involved with.
    Theme Hospital (my favourite management game ever)
    Theme Park (the best game of my childhood)
    Dungeon Keeper
    The Movies (growing on me and certainly the most “Finished” Lionhead game)

    So a little respect please.

    My contributions
    Sod Blanket (for being a coward and hiding, wetting the bed because you’re scared and hiding under the blankets)
    Kiddy Puncher (for picking on the helpless)
    Panties Adventurer (for having lots of sex with ladies)
    Pants Adventurer (for having lots of sex with men)

  24. Psychopomp says: