Hey, I Didn’t Name It That

I’m a real sucker for stuff like this – playing a game with the rules turned off, pushing it as far as it’ll go until it breaks. This, somehow, never breaks. Command & Conquer 3 was incredibly stupid to start with, but playful mini-mod Command and Conquer Retarded knocks the last vestiges of grey matter right out of it. Everything is stronger. Everything is cheaper to build. Everything explodes a lot. Everything is, well, retarded. (I can say that safely when it’s the actual name of the mod, right? No? Er. Sorry.) There’s even hilariously awful new buttrock playing over the menus.

Quite silly: There’s now an Unholy Alliance option, which grants you access to the units of all three factions at once.
Very silly: Building a NOD defense turret? Instead of three guns, it builds six.
Extremely silly: the new Catalyst Avatar, which converts any vehicle to its side with a glance. It can conquer an entire enemy force in, ooh, ten seconds.

“I don’t care what I do to a game, as long as in the end it is the most fun experience possible”, says mod creator TheGunrun, who’s been cheerily bastardising C&C games in this fashion for a while now. He’s right, y’know. Balance? Symmetry? Pfft. RTSes need to loosen up once in a while, and when they do, they’re quite the party.


  1. Thelps says:

    Now THIS I love! C&C always was the antidote to my current favourite RTS: Supreme Commander. Every 3 hours in SupCom had to be remedied with at least one in C&C3. This mod looks to make this game even more of a two-dimensional no-brainer than before.

    Quickly, Robin! To the Downloadinator!

  2. Evo says:

    Really got to actually download and play this mod but CoD4 is eating up my limited gaming time =/

    And considering i own a C&C fansite I should give it a quick playtest :P

  3. tacticus says:

    The unholy alliance component was easily doable in TA you just grabbed the first enemy construction unit you saw

    it is more interesting if you have a rule to let you do that in a game of SC

    3 or more players each one sends a few construction units to the centre of the map and trade them :)

    squad of fatboys and monkeylords with scathis support (add in a GC for the whole i have more armour than all you combined factor) == win

  4. MPK says:

    Anyone else recall Red Alchemist for C&C: Red Alert? I seem to recall it allowing you to do insane stuff like giving attack dogs infinite range and the attack strength of a nuclear weapon.

  5. PlasmaWrath says:

    I’ll just say one thing; Tesla Dogs.

  6. darkripper says:

    That reminds me of some incredibly cool maps for Starcraft. Incredible thing what you could do to the gameplay with just some well placed scripts and triggers and with no coding at all.

  7. MaW says:

    tactius: You can do that in SupCom too, just capture an enemy engineer.

    And yes, I have used experimentals from UEF and Cybrans at the same time as a result. It was a slow game.

  8. Andrew says:

    Tesla Dogs, oooh! I hope (if there is one, which knowing EA there will be) Red Alert 3 should include them!

    They were an awesome (if highly suicidal) mod to the game. I remember the dogs killed themselves when they shot the bolt of lighting.

  9. Alex Taldren says:

    Exactly how does a dog fire a bolt of lightning?

  10. FunkyB says:

    Ah rules.ini. If you loaded one of Red Alert’s data files in a text editor you saw lots of binary data and then in the middle a verbatim copy of a file called rules.ini, which you could copy into new file and edit to tweak the rules of the game to your heart’s content. I had more fun playing with that than the actual game I think.