I’m a real sucker for stuff like this – playing a game with the rules turned off, pushing it as far as it’ll go until it breaks. This, somehow, never breaks. Command & Conquer 3 was incredibly stupid to start with, but playful mini-mod Command and Conquer Retarded knocks the last vestiges of grey matter right out of it. Everything is stronger. Everything is cheaper to build. Everything explodes a lot. Everything is, well, retarded. (I can say that safely when it’s the actual name of the mod, right? No? Er. Sorry.) There’s even hilariously awful new buttrock playing over the menus.
Quite silly: There’s now an Unholy Alliance option, which grants you access to the units of all three factions at once.
Very silly: Building a NOD defense turret? Instead of three guns, it builds six.
Extremely silly: the new Catalyst Avatar, which converts any vehicle to its side with a glance. It can conquer an entire enemy force in, ooh, ten seconds.
“I don’t care what I do to a game, as long as in the end it is the most fun experience possible”, says mod creator TheGunrun, who’s been cheerily bastardising C&C games in this fashion for a while now. He’s right, y’know. Balance? Symmetry? Pfft. RTSes need to loosen up once in a while, and when they do, they’re quite the party.