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11

Jack Thompson: In The Dock

Without him we will all die.

Poor maligned protector of the people, lawyer Jack Thompson, is about to go to court on the wrong side of the law.

Play.tm reports that the awaited trial begins today, where Thompson will have to defend himself against charges of being the saviour of mankind. Or to use more technical terms, against questions over his conduct in the many and various cases in which he has attempted to single-handedly bring down the evil of videogames. Despite previous attempts to have the presiding judge thrown off the case, and probably filing to have the entire population of planet Earth put on the witness stand of an intergalactic space court, it’s all going ahead.

The Florida Bar doesn’t appear to be a big fan of the dispenser of justice. Rejecting Thompson’s fantastically guilt-implying offer of being suspended for 90 days (imagine the horrors that videogaming could unleash on America in those three months), Judge Dava Tunis is determined to see Thompson receiving a full disbarment trial.

It’s important to remember that back in September, in his attempts to not let this reach trial, the caped vigilante protector of our children (I like to assume he wears a cape), Thompson attempted to subpoena George W Bush , as well as sue the judge, the court, and everyone involved in the evil conspiracy to prevent his holy work.

But what would happen without him to protect us? Rockstar would roam free, stalking the streets at night to show our over-17s images of cartoons having sex. That’s what.

The hearing is set to last all week.

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John Walker

Senior Editor

One of the original co-founders of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'm now a senior editor and hero of humanity. Old and special.

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