Hyper(BUY OUR PRODUCTS)blast

Those chappies at Alienware, normally famous for making PCs designed for people who put blue lights underneath their Ford Fiestas while playing whatever Kiss.FM told them to listen to at a volume that ensures that neither they nor anyone in the surrounding fifteen miles can actually hear the generic tiresome drone beyond the lung-crushing thud of the bass filling their ample family-friendly boot space, have made a game: Hyperblast.

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Clearly it’s a promotional thing, designed to make stupid gaming sites immediately write a post naming Alienware and Intel and linking to their websites, but it’s also free.

More sensible sites would describe Hyperblast as a derivative of WipEout, but we’re choosing to say it’s like a cut-down Megarace, as WipEout never had Christian Erickson.

Perhaps the Flash game took a turn for the less entertaining on track 3, whereupon my car/ship/thing refused to budge from the starting line, but instead just fired uselessly into a wall. Upon restarting, I was able to move, but now I had an autofire, that also chose to spurt out any bonuses the moment I picked them up. But now I have the strangest urge to buy an Alienware PC with an Intel chip inside. Perhaps I’ll buy some delicious Waitrose lemon sorbet instead, and see if that curbs the desire. (Thanks to Eurogamer for the link).

11 Comments

  1. Mr Pink says:

    Wow, that is really awful.

  2. SteveTheBlack says:

    That is basically the opposite of an advert.

    “Look, buy our PCs, they’re just like this game! Stuttery and boring!”

  3. Terry Watson says:

    Blimey, some guys make a free game/competition to win some stuff and you want to moan about the fact it advertises stuff. No pleasing some folks.

  4. derFeef says:

    You can only fully enjoy the game on an Alienware PC with an Intel cpu, you know…

  5. Premium User Badge

    John Walker says:

    Terry – I’m not convinced I did moan. If there’s anything negative happening here, it’s that it’s a really rubbish game.

  6. fluffy bunny says:

    Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooring (sorry).

    Write about this instead:

    link to kokoromi.org

  7. Carey says:

    *Claps for the intro*

  8. Roflgoat says:

    It sucks, but I just happen to have gotten #1 in the world :)

    link to img261.imageshack.us

  9. Kismet "I'll say Dethkarz then" says:

    I fear it’s a glitch Roflgoat, as I had an higher score both running in the general league and in the unofficial Eurogamer League. *g*

    Way to spend your lunch break when you’re in a Wi-Fi covered area! ^^

  10. terry watson says:

    […] by Terry Watson, during the Annual meeting in Orlando this year. I also thought I would pass …Hyper(BUY OUR PRODUCTS)blast | Rock, Paper, ShotgunThose chappies at Alienware, normally famous for making PCs designed for people who put blue lights […]

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