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My Adventures With Warren Spector

If we could get a clipping from his beard we would store it in a reliquary and pray daily to it.

At which point OG-PCers roll their eyes, but I’ve only just experienced this, so have to share.

More of my adventures with Warren Spector beneath the cut. Anyway, I was chilling around RPS towers last night, when I had the most unexpected vistor.

We have marked off the areas where he trod in our house, and now consider them hallowed ground.

You see, I call him “Doctor”, because I was surprised and couldn’t remember the proper respectful title for a man in his position. I figure “Doctor” is better than “Your Grace”. We chill for a while, then a mysterious package turns up. Interrupting our serious discussion about emergent gameplay and entryism in videogames, we open it.

If Warren Spector was my dad and I was a girl I would have a serious Elektra complex.

Strike a light. That’s the last thing either of us were expecting. I was always more of a Jungian, but Spector seems impressed and we drag ourselves all the way to Colorado where the message directs us. I carry his bags, and act terribly humble. Once there, we have another surprise.

As Tesla was to the 19th Century, Spector is to the 20th. And the start of the 21st.

Notice how Spector is taking it in his stride, and I’m completely like “NO FUCKING WAY”. When I told Jim about this, he was terribly jealous – not only did I get to hang out with the Wozster, I got to visit a Tesla lab. He’s crazy for Tesla. Anyway – then it gets even better.

His will can open portals in the very cosmos.

We’ve gone and opened a portal into the past. Notice that even this can’t throw Spector. The man has the sort of steely cool that only years of AAA development can give you. All the serious big game guys have it. I was at at E3 one year, and some guy pulled a gun outside. Everyone was just panicking, until Sid Meier just casually walked up from behind and disabled him with a single karate chop to the back of the neck. Me? I was crying.

So, we go back in time.

ARRRGGGGHHHHH!

Only to find myself in the company of Tesla and Freud and other Victorian luminaries. Clearly, I go apeshit but Spector is simply unfazed. You probably get used to temporal anomalies around crunch time or something.

YOU ARE NOT JOHANN! YOU ARE WARREN!

Notice that he’s so ice-cube like he’s casually started operating under a non de plume . Not only that. He then…

She is now pregnant by the touch of Spektor.

STARTS TO HIT ON THE ONLY LADY IN THE ROOM. If we’d gone back in time to the 1970s, Shaft would have been intimidated.

So I’m feeling like a gooseberry, until I notice something that makes me feel a bit better.

Sexy VGA.

I’ve got more hit points than Warren Spector. Yays!

I have no idea why I’m wearing a green dress with a matching hat.

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Who am I?

Kieron Gillen

Contributor

Kieron Gillen is robo-crazy.

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