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RPS Exclusive: Warren Spector Interview!

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

As regular readers of RPS will know, I recently travelled back in time with Warren Spector to join Tesla and Freud in a mission to Mars to rescue somebody or another. But I figured, since I was trapped in a space ship with the great man himself, before we get down to the serious business of saving somebody or another, we could have a little interview about the issues. The results are beneath the cut, and include Warren’s take on Invisible War’s critical standing, Eidos Montreal’s chances of making a decent Deus Ex 3 and an admission that he’s been cloned by Disney.

No, really. It’s dynamite stuff.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

See how he knows my name and everything? This is because we’re on an adventure to Mars together. It doesn’t matter than he single-handedly made Deus Ex with no help whatsoever and I write grammatically nonsensical stuff on an electric website – there’s no airs and graces here.

(For those who are interested, the rest of Ion Storm Austin sat around eating Ginger Snaps and sipping the office Earl Grey while Spector went about his work. Except Sheldon Pacotti who once helped stick together the original cardboard prototype of Gunther Hermann’s teutonic cybernetic head).

Anyway, I thought we’d start by talking about a little general games theory.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

The charmer. When I get over my blushing, I’ve decided that I have to show my journalistic mettle and go straight for the hard-questions. I won’t be diverted by pretty words, even though it’s true I do know an awful lot about emergent gameplay.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

Okay. Sore spot. I change topic before it gets embarassing, and ask what pretty much everyone is wondering.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

Yeah, I’ve had enough at this point.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

So we both laugh, but I know that there’s no way I’m going to get him away from the Company line. I move onto safer topics – talking about whatever undisclosed project he’s working on.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

Huh? This raises my suspicions that something’s up.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

“Johann”. Wh-wh-what?

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

SHITTING FUCKSHITS. Disney have replaced Warren Spector with a clone called “Johann”. I was only expecting to get some luke-warm complimentary stuff towards Eidos Montreal, but this is spectacular.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

Now I’m beginning to sense something. It’s as if he wants to talk to me about it, but can’t. Like Robocop or something, there’s prime directives which stop him revealing exactly what the evil scientists of Mickey Mouse have done to him. I lean closer…

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

So calm. So collected. So bearded. I realise that further chat is pointless for now, and make my excuses. Then something unexpected happens.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

Now I’m thinking two things:
i) When he wants to say something, he really says something.
ii) All this talk about feeling like being needed and Dr Freud… is Warren Spector Hitting on me?

FUCK YEAH!

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

He’s being coy.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

He’s being cruel. The saddest emoticon in the world: :(

I have to leave and save my dignity, before I burst into tears like that time with Sid Meier.

Ooh, those kindly eyes.

And I’m left confused, elated and mildly aroused. I don’t know what to make of it. I’d be best to go and have a chat to Dr Freud, but he’s talking to Tesla about a dream he had about some pillows, and when he woke up, his marshmallows were gone, and I don’t want to interrupt.

Help me, guys! Does Warren really care for me, or does he just want to use me for cheap sexual kicks on the long flight to Mars.

I’m so confused.

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Who am I?

Kieron Gillen

Contributor

Kieron Gillen is robo-crazy.

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