We should probably know better than to get so carried away by the joy of Portal paraphenalia that we post links to Valve’s online store every time they update. I mean, they’re not even advertising with us. Man, we can’t even get being corporate shills right. But it’s hard to resist pointing out these new Portal-related t-shirts that have just gone on sale.

This would be the XXXXXXXXXXL shirt.

The shirts are designed by Portal developers Kim Swift and Realm Lovejoy, and don’t bear the usual horrible markings of game-related merchandise. I.e. you could actually wear them in public. There’s, of course, a Weighted Companion Cube shirt, with a madly scrawled love poem on the back, a long-sleeve Cake shirt, featuring the repeated insistence that “the cake is a lie” on the reverse, and a rather elegant t-shirt or hoodie with GLaDOS draped over the shoulder. Elegant hoodie? That sounds wrong.

They’re the featured items on the store front page just now.


  1. Ging says:

    oooh, I sort of want that elegant hoodie…

  2. No Picnic says:

    I still don’t understand why people love the Weighted Companion Cube so much. It wouldn’t stop demeaning me after I told it that I wouldn’t jump in front of the energy sphere, and I still have nightmares about that part of the game when it tried to stab me with a shank. The creepiest part was when it still talked to me after I turned off my computer.

  3. Andrew Mayer says:

    Yeah. I don’t get this companion cube mania either.

  4. AbyssUK says:

    You all killed the cube stop lying to yourselves!! ITS GONE FOREVER!

  5. Piratepete says:

    I finally finished Portal last night, (i know i know) and I have to say it was ace, the fact that you [SPOILERS! – Ed] But the song at the end. Just brilliant imo.

    Anyway I don’t normally buy game related merchandise but I do quite fancy a ‘cake’ T shirt. mmm cake.

  6. Piratepete says:

    ok I’ve just realised my last post was full of spoilers. Its early, i’m tired. I apologise (but then again I think I may be the last person in the world to finish it.

  7. The Sombrero Kid says:

    But it’s hard to resist pointing out a sentence begining with but.

  8. Piratepete says:

    oh bugger off, i’ve had 3 hours kip and am not exactly top form.

  9. Seniath says:

    Damn you Valve and your extortionist shipping costs. If I could, I’d probably buy the entire store.

  10. Nick says:

    Um, No Picnic, it wasn’t the cube that was talking to you, it was GLaDOS.

  11. Nick says:

    Ah ha.. thats what I get for not reading properly.

    Sorry, I had seen other people who thought the cube was the one with the voice over (and not in a jokey way.. ahem).

    I’m tired too =(

  12. Crispy says:

    You’ve gotta be pretty resigned to and secure in your geekdom to want to buy a T-shirt that looks like it has dry spooge marks all over it.

  13. Piratepete says:

    Damn that shipping is pricey. It double the cost of the item essentially. My cake T short may have to wait.

  14. AbyssUK says:

    Can we do an RPS bulk order for us UK types and save on shipping ?? or maybe valve will take pity on us for spending our lives making bad cake jokes and reading this blog too much.

  15. Ging says:

    Crispy: Isn’t that just about any threadless shirt?

  16. Piratepete says:

    Well yes.

  17. Mattt Enss says:

    Does anyone know exactly what the poem on the back of the GladOS shirt says? I can’t believe the Valve store doesn’t have larger pictures.

  18. Yargh says:

    might I suggest a click on the little magnifying glass… (note: my girlfriend had to point this out to me)

  19. danny says:

    As much as I like the design on the shirts, why are they all greyish? Some of us have pasty complexions and couldn’t pull them off.

    If they had some different colours, I probably would buy them.

  20. danny says:

    Yes I know the cake one is not grey. I forgot.

  21. Frosty says:

    Liking these Valve Portal shirts alot, plenty of other cool shirts out there, really into these Portal shirts at the mo, link to edwardchase.org

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