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20

Your Monthly Spam Round-Up

Yum.

Here’s something enormously stupid that first appeared in PC Format. It’s reviews of spam! Why? Because someone asked me to write some reviews of spam. So I jumped into the spam folder and picked out the first few that grabbed me. I recommend doing this now and again – take a look, and enjoy the astonishing nonsense that gets sent out every day.

but loved myself

The world’s most effective penís pill is now available.

If your probably off have to although and to great would makes since for me You’re I’ve hardly don’t and you time ever, but loved myself, and yourself see your this your see What’s hardly it myself, That’s don’t I

Where better to start than the traditional invitations to increase the size of our penises. If there’s a subject that’s bound to get straight through to the heart (and beyond) of a man, it’s to question whether his willy could use some work. However, it’s possible this doesn’t prove quite so effective when sent to women.

The thing is, not only are all our penises fine, thank you, but if we’re going to buy a medicinal pill, we’re going to wait for the pharmacists who can construct a sentence better than, “You’re I’ve hardly don’t and you time ever”. Sure, we’re snobs, but we’re snobs who learn from experience.

43%

sincere apo logies

I am taki ng the liberty of writing you this le tter instead of interr upting you
by phone. Please accept our sincere apo logies for having to de cline your mo rt gage app lication. We can not provide you with ra.te you req uested.

How ever, I can recommend ano ther company that can provide you with 2.3 % fi xed ra.te for 20 ye ars.

Perhaps a weakness in modern spam is far too much positivity, overwhelming us with good news and improbable compliments (apart from saying that our knobs need work), but here we’ve apparently failed before we’ve even started. That’s harsh. But wait, there’s still hope! Who exactly is it that falls for these? “I applied for a mortgage? And didn’t get it? Oh dear. But look, 2.3%…” Preying on amnesiacs just seems wrong.

2.3%

allergy, the prisoner

Bourgeois,)

75%off for all New Softwares.
WindowXP,Photoshop,Window2003…etcMore

allergy, the prisoner glanced.

We’re pretty convinced that they intended to begin with “bonjour”. But the joy of seeing “Bourgeois” above an attempt to sell Microsoft projects only makes us like this spam all the more. All the etcMore. And then, out the blue, a poignant vignette of poetic literature. This is spam at its peak. It doesn’t get much better than this. This is the reason to check your spam folders.

93%

a juicy weekend

Hi there!

I got your email from Jennifer and I just wanted to tell you strait up, I really like 2 FUCK! She told me u’re into fuckin’ too. Lets hookup for a juicy weekend (maybe even this weekend) and come together!

can’t wait to fuck like rabbits,
Sarah

Blimey – we’re in! Hang on… we don’t know a Jennifer. So why would she… This is very strange. Wait, there’s a link to her website…

Goodness gracious us. It would appear that Sarah’s love life is more widespread than we’d hope for in a partner. Sarah! How could you do this to us?! Was your invitation for the weekend nothing but a lie?

It’s probably a good job – the idea of having sex in a small, straw-filled hutch sounds very uncomfortable.

51%

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John Walker

Senior Editor

One of the original co-founders of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'm now a senior editor and hero of humanity. Old and special.

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