Go Robo Crazy: Exteel

Robots don't have penises. Robots over-compensate.

I played this free enormous-robot (i.e. Micropaymenty) MMO a few weeks ago. I didn’t blog it, because I was planning on returning to poke at it some more before saying anything. That’s clearly not going to happen, because the reason I left is because I stumbled upon one of the advanced training missions and got stuck there, and a return doesn’t exactly fill me full of joy. That may be not that bright, as the game itself is PvP based, so I won’t have to hammer against the rubbish over-punishing game design again. If you’re thinking “Hmm, death robot PvP and free. And Kieron is rubbish at games” you i) can get the client from here and ii) are RPS comrade Alec Meer and I claim my five pounds.

Beneath the cut’s a recent video of the game in action, prominently featuring robots firing sub-machine gun in a sideways-on gangster style. Which seems somewhat unlikely.

They guy doing the voice-over is quite the thing.


  1. Jim Rossignol says:

    I think the problem with this is that it doesn’t really get across that they’re robots. They might as well be stompy men.

  2. Kanakotka says:

    And the game is really, really laggy for anyone who isn’t from america. The only server is somewhere on the east coast, and anyone from europe gets 160++ ping to there, no matter how powerful their connection is.

  3. Optimaximal says:

    I think the problem with this is that it doesn’t really get across that they’re robots. They might as well be stompy men.

    Have you ever watched Robotech, Evangelion or any of the Gundam metaseries? They rarely ever explain how the pilot manages to make the suit/bot do flips, kicks and leaps with two joysticks and a lot of shouting. Gundam 00 (the latest series) went someway to explain it by stating that A.I. in the suit reacted to situations appropriately but that’s just a deus ex machina…

    Basically, japanese robots ARE big stompy, yet curiously graceful, men with big guns.

  4. Stew says:

    I was in the beta. I had high hopes, but they fell flat.

    Even without being laggy as all fuck, it’s basically a team deathmatch with a lasting character who happens to look like a robot. You win money, buy new shit, and go and do it again. There’s little-to-no point to the whole thing.

  5. Kieron Gillen says:

    Actually, I’ll say one thing: I like how big the big guns are.


  6. Zeno says:

    It’s Gunz, but you look like a robot.


  7. Henrik J says:

    I am not from America but i never found the game laggy at all

  8. Optimaximal says:

    If anything, stuff like this makes me yearn for a) a proper full-on mecha-based game or b) a sequel to Shogo M.A.D…

    Since neither are likely to happen in this cash-driven chance-less world, this is the best we have :(

  9. Fat Zombie says:

    Indeed. We need more stompy-robot simulators (Come on, Mechwarrior! Come back!)

    And, Optimaximal, reading Wikipedia, apparently the EVAs are partially controlled by thought. Whilst that seems slightly more likely (especially with those mind-control UT3 things recently), it’s still rather far-fetched.

    Plus, I never liked the EVA mechas. They’re not even Mechanical, ferchrissakes!

  10. Stromko says:

    It’s more balanced and playable than Gunz, just because there isn’t very much content. In Gunz you start out in a pair of shorts with your choice of three useless weapon setups, and leveling up is a constant slog against opponents with drastically superior weapons.

    Exteel just doesn’t have very many guns or other parts for that matter, so there is much less space for people to be way ahead of you. There’s also less of a goal since you aren’t going to become much stronger as you put time in. Can’t have the best of both worlds.

    It would be a mostly skill-based MMOFPS if only people had a choice of servers near them so latency was less of an issue. As a shooter it is a bit repetitive and boring after awhile though, but you might be able to look past it if you’re really really into mecha.

  11. Kanakotka says:

    I have to disagree with just about every point Stormko makes.
    Even though if Gunz is ridiculously laggy in comparison to this, it doesn’t put you up against people with heavily higher level (10 levels is the most, unless you end up wandering in ”free channel” where everything goes. ) The weapon setups are far from useless, and there are far more than three. (Combination of 3 : For first level, you get to choose either sword or dagger, and 2 different ranged weapons, which are pistols, pistol, revolvers, revolver, uzis, uzi, rifle or shotgun, any combination of 2 from those list will do. Later on different weaopns are unlocked, such as dual swords, rocket launchers and machineguns, also you get to choose 2 items, being Flash, Smoke or Frag nades, or medikit/ armor repair kit)

    In eXteel, level matters far more than your skill, because you level up like you would in a role playing game. You can oomph up your stats to a point of sniping another player from the other edge of a map with a homing bullet rifle( That’s what bothers me most. Almost EVERY SINGLE WEAPON in exteel requires you to lock on to your enemy, and the bullets just home in… what the crap?) and giving them no chance. Or making your mech have so many health points it’s practically invincible.

    Even though Gunz has a horrible, elitistic shotgun spamming user base, all in all it’s alot funner than eXteel, and this comes from someone who is just about obsessed with giant mechas. Disabling the chat (t button) helps alot.

  12. Stew says:

    @Optimaximal: I would happily donate organs for a sequel to Shogo: MAD. Sad stompy-robot-nut that I am, I still have it installed.

  13. CitizenLand says:

    I played the beta for quite awhile and enjoyed it. Its more of a quick diversion time waster than a really serious MMOG. The upgrades make it a bit addictive and the co-op style gametypes are fun.

  14. PhucDatBich says:

    Kanakotka from what you saying I can tell that you love one game over the other.

    Gunz and Exteel are somewhat alike but not so much on gameplay.

    In exteel you lock on your enemy and bullet home in make some sense since you a ROBOT, and robot make perfect calculation. That make the other person have really less chance of avoiding but that is what force people to rely on TEAMPLAY!!!

    And that is the different, Exteel require lots of teamplay, it don’t matter how high lvl you are if there 2 people on you, YOU FUCKED. Another good thing about Exteel is the weapon don’t require lvl and rank, a noob can get his hand on the A grade weapon if he save enough money, and that put people in situation where teamplay is needed. So pretty much EXTEEL is more about teamplay and tatic.

    Gunz on the other hand is just time consuming, if you spend more time getting high lvl and better weapon, you unstoppable, noobs will just scratching you with their low lvl weapon, and if you spend 18 hours a day practicing you get to know how to butterfly which make you much more invincible. So pretty Gunz focusing more on time consuming and no need for teamplay.