RPS Compo: Valve Goodies


Want the above? Read on: There I was sat in Valve’s largest meeting room (with space for about ten) desperately trying to get my Eee online. It turns out Valve’s wifi is more passworded than they realised, and as a generous soul scrabbles to find out the WPA key for me, Gabe’s already started speaking. I’m supposed to be live-blogging this! I’m frantically scribbling notes, while trying to figure out why my machine is now refusing to disconnect from its failed attempt at a previous connection, and then finally, after five minutes of panic, it’s connected, and I’m updating. And what do I find?

“Bring us back t-shirts!” “I want a Weighted Companion Cube!” “We demand presents.” Why, you ungrateful readers! My being there, working so furiously for you – that should be presents enough for all of you. But I know where your love really comes from, and that’s why I emerged from Valve HQ carrying a long-sleeve Portal cake t-shirt under one arm, and some Weighted Companion Cube fuzzy dice under the other. For you. Well, for one of you at least.

Of course you have to earn the right to these most splendid of goodies. We’re not communists or anything. So if you want a chance to get your paws on these, here’s what we want:


The Valve logo. From the reaction to the alt text on the live blog, some of you love it. Well, I don’t. It’s a bloke with a tap on his head. So what I’m after here is a brand new design for the Valve logo. This isn’t about artistic merit, or photoshop skill. It’s about a brilliant idea. But, you know, a crayon drawing on a table cloth might not convey this as effectively as something with a bit of care. Believe me, I’ll be submitting anything decent to Valve, and the one we like best will gather its owner the Valve goodie bag.

Entries need to be submitted to this address by the 20th June. Don’t forget to include your postal address.

Compo rules are here.


  1. John P (Katsumoto) says:

    I’m not creative/inspired enough to do this, but I can’t wait to see the results!

    The guy with the tap in his eye was better. More sinister. It was in his eye!

  2. Alex McLarty says:

    “All entries to any competition on Rock, Paper, Shotgun, whether photograph, text, physical object or idea, automatically become the full copyright/moral right of Rock, Paper, Shotgun Ltd, and can be reused by us in any way. In other words, if you don’t want to give it away, don’t send it in.”


  3. Pace says:

    I knew that deep down, you love us all John!

  4. Donald Duck says:

    Yeah, that sounds shit, actually. “automatically become the full copyright/moral right of Rock, Paper, Shotgun”.
    That part there, it really, really, really sucks. Who are you, Facebook? The C.I.A? MASSMURDERERS???

  5. John Walker says:

    Sorry peeps. Thems the rules of any compo anywhere. You won’t find one without it. I know it makes us sound a bit horrid, but we have to do it in order to prevent our being sued into outerspace by maniacs. That’s legal terminology right there. Like we say, if you aren’t happy with that, just don’t enter.

  6. John P (Katsumoto) says:

    I want that awesome looking Valve bag personally.

  7. Kadayi says:

    You want new text as well or just a pictorial logo? Also what about in the unlikely event of Valve loving the Logo so much they want to use it?

  8. trioptimum says:

    Point of technical pedantry: using ‘alt’ tags for image tooltips won’t work in Firefox, Opera, Safari or their relatives (i.e. in pretty much every non-sucky browser), as they (correctly) do not interpret the attribute in this way. The ‘title’ attribute is what you want.

  9. roBurky says:

    trioptimum: I think that had come up before, and RPS had promised to start using title instead, and did so for about two posts before they forgot again.

  10. Alec Meer says:

    WordPress’ caption pop-up box is alt not title, and there’s no plugin to fix that, it seems. And manually changing the code every single time is too much like hard work. So it’s Alt or nothing for now, sadly. Alt or nothing! That’s almost clever.

  11. Kieron Gillen says:

    “Almost Clever” could be on RPS’ gravestone.

    There’s plugins to screw up your browser to get our gags if you like, of course. As Alec says, it’s the standard thing in WordPress, and if it’s a case of manually writing TEXT=”Blah blah blah” each time we want to do a link, it’s never getting done.


  12. mbanana says:

    What size is the shirt?

  13. trioptimum says:

    Ah, poo. Surprising that WordPress would act so brain-damaged, but so be it. I guess it’s OK that IE users alone get to enjoy the image captions since they miss out on so much else (joke) (or was it?).

    Sorry for the derail. Logos, hmm, yeah.

  14. Sander says:

    As I said before, this tiny add-on for Firefox (last updated 6 days ago, even) never broke my browser yet.

    I do have to right-click on the page before hovering over the next image though, to recharge its alt-to-title transmuting ability I assume. Oh and I haven’t been able to hack away the rude limit on the too short amount of time before the popup vanishes either.

    Still. Popups! Just like we used to have!

  15. John Walker says:

    The shirt is an L.

    Also, misusing alt-text is one of the main motivations for writing for this site.

  16. averagejoe says:

    The current logo with such symbolism will be hard to reinvent.

  17. essell says:

    Hate to be a pedant and a spoilsport*, but the photo of the guy with a tap on his head isn’t actually a logo, is it? The VALVe on the bag is the logo. Is the compo to reinvent the logo on the bag, or come up with a new picture to replace the mascot man with a tap on his head?

    I want those cubes…

    *This may not be true

  18. Pod says:

    Mr Walker:
    Rossignol and Meer seem to continually “forget” to provide humorous alt. text. What if I was blind? What if I couldn’t see what I’m typing right now? Your lack of alt. text certainly wouldn’t help.

    Fix it!

  19. Roritharr says:

    How many pictures i’m allowed to send in?

  20. John Walker says:

    Send as many as you like. But we’d recommend just sending the best one.

  21. DigitalSignalX says:

    Did the last contest for a big ole box set of Lineage II stuff ever get a winner? Tried searching but no luck.

  22. itsallcrap says:

    Do you reckon there’s any chance of Valve adopting the RPS submission? That would be the greatest thing ever. Now, if only I had some talent…

  23. Fazer says:

    Is there any way to display alt-text properly in Opera like on this site – link to xkcd.com ? I’ve read a “title” attribute should be used instead of “alt-text”.

  24. Fazer says:

    Great Scott, I’ve solved this problem! I can see alt-text in Opera! :-D

    After half an hour of searching I found this site – link to my.opera.com – which gave me an idea for seeking Userscripts. This page – link to howtocreate.co.uk – had links to userscripts tutorial (it’s very easy) and database of scripts – link to dunck.us – but there is a newer version of it – link to userscripts.org – and with the use of legendary “search” button I stumbled upon the mighty alt-text script – link to userscripts.org

  25. Davey Peters says:

    I just think valve should turn that Mascot with the valve for an eye into a character in their next Portal game as the unfortunate results of a portal mishap.

  26. Hehe says:

    Slightly childish (maybe)…but boobies with valves. :D

  27. Mihai says:

    Well, this is interesting…

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