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Eternity's Child: The Wrong Platform

Of course, the artwork when still is quite nice.

Yesterday Kieron linked to the rather unfortunate debacle that took place on Destructoid, as indie developer Luc Bernard had a bit of a drunken explosion in response to their negative reviews of Eternity’s Child. So I thought I’d take a look.

Bernard’s constant refrain within his posts was other reviews would be coming, and they would prove that D-toid’s 1/10 mark was wildly wrong. Well, this won’t change anything. Eternity’s Child is a pretty awful platform game.

There’s no reason to kick it further here – the reviews on Destructoid are accurate, and friendly in their disappointment. This is one man’s passion, and it’s a great shame it hasn’t worked out. (I should add, I feel the same about any of the eighty billion games a year I get given to review that score 50% or lower – my job is to be detached and descriptive about a game’s successes or failings, but it doesn’t mean that awful nagging about people’s hard work being kicked in the face isn’t present. I just ignore it because I’m callous and foul).

It's hard to figure out if this is meant to be a boss, as you can run under it.

Bernard has to realise something, however. The moment you put a price on your game, you lose the right to be the wounded deer. I forked out (an admittedly very small amount of) my money to play this, and I certainly do not feel it was a good use of it. It’s horrible to know that somebody put their heart and soul into something, and then it didn’t work out. (And that’s the thing – it didn’t work out. It’s not critical failings in the reviewers, it’s an unsuccessful game.) But as soon as you ask for money in return, you’re now a business and you’ve got to suck it up.

I should add that the claims that the patch fixes the jumping issues aren’t accurate. They may be a lot better than originally, but I got pretty damned fed up with one level as the jump kept ignoring me and I fell to my death, over and over. Then Avast declared that the map editor (that I wasn’t running) was a virus, and the whole thing came to a staggering end. And that was quite enough.

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John Walker

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One of the original co-founding robots of Rock, Paper, Shotgun, I'm now a senior editor and hero of humanity. Old and special.

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