Tom Versus Bruce Erik: Battle for Middle Earth

I’ve linked to 1UP’s reprints of the departed CGW’s Tom [Chick] versus Bruce [Geryk] columns in the Sunday Papers before, but I think it’s time we stuck one on the front page. In short, the idea is they plan a versus game and document their thoughts, tactics and similar. Except this time Erik-OMM/Portal/Etc/Stuff is standing in for Bruce. And these are his thoughts, tactics and similar…

Erik: Because I lied about reading the manual, I start at a slight disadvantage. Still, I’ve played enough of these games to know the drill: Buy whatever I can as fast as possible, build a ton of one type of unit, group them together, and then send them in a big clump toward Tom’s side of the map.

Does Erik’s total lack of knowledge defeat Tom’s hotkey supremacy? Oh, c’mon. Guess. In other notes, I keep on thinking about blatantly ripping this off and doing it here. We are shameless.


  1. Ian says:

    Shame is for the weak.

    Oh, and everybody knows that Elves + upgraded guard towers is the way to win BFME games.

  2. Andrew says:

    “One of the ESRB’s rating categories is “Comic Mischief.” This game should definitely get that rating because my nazgul is causing all sorts of comic mischief at Tom’s fort. Though it’s probably not so comic for Tom.”

    I love Erik Wolpaw.

  3. Heliocentric says:

    Steal it. I love reading this shiz. Only annoyed at the way they drip feed it out. Clicks, i know clicks. To be honest for multiplayer games there is no greater review than people talking through the game. (just like that gal civ diary) if the player is on a tangent it means the game isn’t holding their attention and engaging them. I’ve watched and read battle commentaries on intense games like company of heroes and battlefield 2 where frapps or writing of multiplayer games is span together. When an emotional context is assigned to a game it can get so much more interesting. Playing alone never seems to meet these heights let alone sustain them like multiplayer can. I’ll try and dig up some links later.

  4. Ian says:

    Have read the article now and it’s brilliant. I have bookmarked all previous installments and plan to work my way through them. :)

    Steal the idea. Now.

  5. Nimic says:

    This was a particularly good one, maybe one of the best so far. Erik’s comments had me chuckling constantly.

  6. teo says:

    Wolpaw has been in a few different ones actually
    The one about the novalogic BF ripoff for example (forgot what it’s called)

  7. aldo says:

    The one about the novalogic BF ripoff for example (forgot what it’s called)

    Joint Operations?

  8. Switchbreak says:

    My favorite one of those articles is when Tom, Bruce and Alec Baldwin played Gears of War. Or the one where Shawn Elliot and Rory Manion filled in for them and spent the whole time griefing other players in Team Fortress. Now I miss GFW magazine :(

  9. araczynski says:

    wow, i have always went out of my way to IGNORE that particular section of that magazine, before it went under. they’re still carrying on in cyberspace with that section??

    different strokes for different folks i guess.

  10. Hero Dog says:

    Steal it, but only if you can match it. The Joint Operations one had me almost crying with laughter.

    link to

  11. Ian says:

    @Hero Dog: I was about to say, that was the one I laughed at most too.

  12. phuzz says:

    I couldn’t find any handy index of all the articles, so I had to resort to this.
    Currently up to number 9, with no work done yet today, (literally none!).

  13. Ian says:


    link to

    Archive of the first 20. The other few can be found on the first page of the list of feature articles.

    Here: link to

  14. Heliocentric says:

    There is a 1up page which is meant to have them all but its horribly out of date. Can i request a game for the rps version? System shock 2 coop. Race each other to kill shodan, no holds barred.

  15. Ian says:

    I think Heliocentric hits upon an excellent point, if RPS does it we should decide what you guys play. :D Obviously you’d chuck an idea if you all absolutely hated it.

    My first vote might go to a football game, if only to see Alec provide a running commentary in the style of his Fe-Fi-Fo-whateveritwas 90 demo article. :D

  16. The Hammer says:

    Haha, that was great.

    BFME is a guilty pleasure of mine. It isn’t very good, but I find it great fun. Sorta like C&C is for people, I guess.

  17. Chris R says:

    I’m at work, and was chuckling so hard my colleagues where asking me what was so darn funny.

    That was a great read, thanks. And as someone above mentioned, steal it, but only if you can make it as funny. :)

  18. Leeks! says:

    I will never poo-poo shamelessness. An RPS “Vs mode” would be ab-fab.

  19. Noc says:

    It occurs to me that in an internal RPS contest, we’d need to find a way of handicapping the shotgun.