Foot-to-Ball: The Demonstration Continues

The apparently ongoing attempts to educate mystified RPS editors in the ways of foot-to-ball continue today with the release of the “Pro Evolution Soccer 2009 Demonstration”. It seems that this particular sporting demonstration is one of the most sophisticated we’re likely to see this year, with improved artificial intelligence routines, splendid animation, and “tweaked” physics. All this to make the new and exciting outdoor activity of foot-to-ball seem even more appealling when played on a computer screen instead of a well-manicured sport-lawn. Foot-to-ball fans are able to play as the Manchester Uniteds, the Liverpools, the Real Madrids, and the Barcelonas, or the Italian or French national foot-to-ball representatives. The necessary files can be procured as a 1gb bundle from here. Fascinating stuff, you’ll agree.


  1. Ian says:

    Only once was I tempted to play a football game on PC and it didn’t end well.

    I’ll leave them for I’m in “console gamer lol” mode.

  2. terry says:

    Is this compatible with the Difference Engine?

  3. Electric Dragon says:


    Sadly I believe that the creators of the electronic foot-to-ball pastimes have abandoned the support for the Difference Engine in favour of requiring that gentlemen procure instead one of Mr. Babbage’s new “Analytical Engines”. It is an eternal verity of the thinking machine leisure pursuits that one is forced frequently to replace one’s mechanical brain for one with smaller, faster cogs and more spindles. No doubt one will soon have to “up-grade” (as the jargon has it) to an “Analytical Engine 360”.

  4. simbo says:

    I’ll never understand what was wrong with Match Day on the Spectrum.

  5. DarkP says:

    Why does ppl call this sport as “foot-to-ball”? I dont get it, to keep out any “reference errors” about the American Football?

    Ppl in the U.S. call it “soccer”.. but they are the only ones in the whole planet to call it that way, the rest of us refer to this beautifull sport as football.

    Ppl on the U.S. can call their american football maybe “american rugby” or something like that :)

  6. Ian says:

    They call it “foot-to-ball” because I believe none of the RPS regular writers are fans of the sport and that’s to convey relative unfamiliarity with football.

    I’m guessing at the last part, there might be some other reason or it a could be a reference or something.

    Incidentally, I think “soccer” is actually a word of English/British invention anyway, being from Asocciation Football.

  7. Jim Rossignol says:

    Americans should definitely call their sport American Rugby.

  8. Feet says:

    The whole foot-to-ball thing is Walkers fault I think. It’s still pretty funny. I have since read the joke developed further to include crick-to-ball for cricket. Hilarity ensued I can assure you.

  9. monkeymonster says:

    I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the fine men of RPS have actually never played a physical sport ever… The fine ideas and words I suspect wouldn’t be so smooth and eloquent if they had every impacted a leather/plastic ball type object upon their noggin/body. :)

  10. Ian says:

    I’d actually prefer if they just made gridiron the more common name. It’s cool-ish until you think about the name too much.

    Though given that rugby is called “Rugby Football” because of it being created in Rugby it seems pedantic to pick up on the name of “American Football” for being unlike the regular, soccer-brand flavour. I guess the issue is that they just call it by the same name, which at least the founding rugbyites had the courtesy to not do. :-P

  11. Feet says:

    Actually I believe foot-to-ball was derived from rugby, not the other way around. ;)

  12. Janek says:

    Didn’t they sort of develop concurrently? Just a matter of various universities not being able to agree on the rules, so it branched into two seperate sports.

    Although I guess the predecessor probably more closely resembled rugby.

  13. Ian says:

    I think they all came from obscure things which may or may not have included Roman soldiers kicking heads about between poles. As Janek said, just people coming up with different rules, so likely none were really derived from the other.

    I believe the whole story about William Webb-Ellis might be one of them thar urban leg-ends.

  14. Dante says:

    Both Football and Rugby developed from the same proto-sport a believe, which mostly involved hundreds of people drunkenly bludgeoning their way across a small town with a ball being incidentally involved in the mayhem.

    When the rules were finally properly laid down there was a split in how it should be played, becoming Association Football and Rugby Football.

  15. Ian says:

    I love that this “Prehistory of association football” article pretty much just lists a bunch of times it’s been banned.

  16. SPEEDCORE says:

    Just rename american gridiron to boring.

  17. Bhazor says:

    Reply to Dante

    Actually Rugby was started when during a football match at a public school one kid, or child if you prefer, grabbed the ball and tried to run off with it. He was beaten quite severely and everyone agreed it was a lot of fun and started to draw up rules and the like.

  18. Chris Evans says:

    Hopefully the above comments have further aided in the educating of the Hivemind in the matter of the game known as football.

    Regardless I am downloading this…right now.

  19. Ian says:

    @ Bhazor: Aye, that’s William Webb-Ellis. Depending where you read it’s balls, but who cares? It’s a fun story.

    Apparently it wasn’t even that which caused the split between the two, the Source of All Truth and Knowledge (Wikipedia) suggests it was because the eventual rugby people didn’t understand why the rest wanted to ban people being booted in the shins.

    @Chris Evans: Let us know how it is, in here. :)

  20. Chris Evans says:

    Well it isn’t going to be done before I go to work, and then I won’t be about tonight, and I am working full shifts from friday to sunday…yeah I won’t be getting to play it for a while :(

  21. Dante says:

    If it’s anything like the 360 demo the match length will be locked to ‘stupidly short’.

    @ Speedcore

    But then we’d keep confusing it with baseball!

  22. Janek says:

    Unlike the 360 demo, I’m sure enterprising individuals will find ways to extend the length ¬_¬

    I installed it last night (dear God it took almost half an hour – damnable bloated install programs!) but then I fell asleep. So. No opinion yet.

  23. Ian says:

    @ Dante: Uh-oh, that might not go down well. I believe one of our esteemed RPS/PC Gamer writers is into base-to-ball. Unless it’s one of the PCG writers who’s not on here, in which case you can probably feel free to go nuts. ;)

  24. Iain says:

    Foot-to-balls? Isn’t that the game where you run around kicking people in the testicles? The scoring system is a bit opaque though, since it’s done on a ratio of how many scoring kicks you make, divided by the time elapsed from the first kick attempt up until the point you get arrested.

    Still, at least it’s more fun than Mornington Crescent.

  25. InVinoVeritas says:

    @ Ian: Shouldn’t that technically be bat-to-ball?

  26. Dante says:

    Walker is indeed a baseball fan, god knows why.

  27. Ian says:

    @ InVinoVeritas: Most likely. Aside from, y’know, making sense that also has the advantage of sounding like it might be a ball game for bats.

    Which probably already exists in Japan.

  28. Iain says:

    I think it should be called All-Your-Base-Are-Belong-To-Us-Someone-Set-Us-Up-The-Ball.

    Okay, I’ll get my coat…

  29. Ian says:

    Or for short, AYBABTUSSUUTB.

    That’s almost pronouncable!

  30. terry says:

    Dear sir/s,

    I am aghast to note the dispatches section of your recent article concerning the popular sport “foot-to-ball” exhibiting disparagement by all manner of knaves and charlatans.

    For the record, many gentleman consider “Foot-to-baller of the Year” to be a searing epoch in foot-to-ball related memorabilia. An intriguing offering from the Orient is the “Match (of a) Day” series – who sought the London Symphony Orchestra’s assistance in the rendition of the jaunty “here we go” chorus.

    More recent offerings include the 1807 version of “New Star Foot-to-baller” and “Foot-to-ball Manager 1808”. I cannot recommend the latter as it accepts foreign competitors.

    Yours sincerely,

    Sir Terence

    PS I do not subscribe to this new fad of deliberate misspelling. I corrected my grammar in accordance.

  31. Paul B says:

    Thank you terry,

    I guffawed mightily when reading your post :)