Mercenaries 2 Patch… Trailer?

I do like the bikes
Occasionally, an idea’s bizarre enough to not require for me to pun badly in the title line. This is one of those times. For the forthcoming Total Payback patch EA have released a short and actually very funny trailer (though I wonder how the self-deprecating admission of rubbishness of certain features will play with the more aggrieved gamer). It’s only confirmed for the 360 and PS3, with a EA PR doing a “Planned Only For 360/PS3 at the moment” non-quote. Since 9 times out of 10 that means “Yes”, I’m going to save beating the drum to summon forth the angry internet men. We’ll do that in a month. Until then, the trailer’s beneath the cut…

I still really like Mercenaries 2, and I don’t care who knows it. Except my gran, who was killed by a Mercenary, and would disown me if she suspected.


  1. RLacey says:

    How odd.

  2. Dominic White says:

    Mercenaries 2 really does give off the same kinda vibe as Earth Defence Force, and that’s not just because of the thousands of bugs.

    *labored rimshot*

    I’m pretty glad that they’re poking fun at themselves for their mistakes, but yeah, I’ve seen much more negative responses elsewhere on the net, as some people seem to find this video personally insulting.

    Then again, some people just spend waaaay too much time looking for stuff to get angry about. Looking forward to a polished-up game. Good to see an EA-published title getting some post-release love for once.

  3. crozon says:

    please oh please release the damned patch for the PC. am playing it and rather liking it. Its good fun. better than force fucking unleashed :)

  4. The Klugman Revolution says:

    No fix for the badly tiling water texture though? I demand non uniformity in my crested wavelets!

  5. Max says:

    It’s only confirmed for the 360 and PC, with a EA PR doing a “Planned Only For 360/PS3 at the moment” non-quote.

    Don’t you mean only confirmed for 360 and PS3? Or am I really that tired?

  6. Bhazor says:

    Patch? For consoles? OK, thats just terrible. Don’t the publishers have any kind of respect for the consumers? Don’t they listen to their own design team? Is the release date the most important thing when making a game?

    Oh wait, it’s an EA game.

  7. Buemba says:

    As someone who legally purchased Mercs 2 for the PC I’ll be hella pissed if they don’t release this damn patch for it.

  8. piphil says:

    I wonder if this fixes the bugs Yahtzee was talking about in Zeropunctuation. That would be a shame, as they sounded hilarious.

  9. manintheshack says:

    Oh, they’ll release the patch. Let’s hope it’s taking longer to release because they’re fixing more brokables.

  10. Grey_Ghost says:

    PC game owners getting shafted…who’da thunk it! I really wanted to get this game, but the current bug complaints by other gamers stopped me. This game would be worth buying if only they fixed it up.

  11. perilisk says:

    It’s sort of a win for PC, though, since one benefit of consoles (and drawbacks for PCs) was the tendency for PC developers to treat their customers as beta testers.

  12. Lukasz says:

    ‘Glad to have you on board’

    is that bastilia shan?

  13. The Poisoned Sponge says:

    Once I get my internet back up in my living room I’m going to definitely grab this… that character with the long coat looked kinda awesome.

  14. Bhazor says:

    Reply to Lukasz
    Yep that’s Jennifer Hale.
    And yes I would.

  15. Pwnzerfaust says:

    I admit, I laughed pretty hard.
    And I’m looking forward to the new characters. Playing as that Irish guy will be pretty boss.

  16. NoNamePls says:

    Would be even funnier if they have to pay for it.

  17. Nallen says:

    Hang on…

    That looks quite good…

  18. Duncan says:

    I got the 360 version as I was hankering for a dumb game where I could blow shit up. Does exactly that!

    I liked the trailer – shows they have a sense of humour and are aware of the problems. The voiceover repetition is quite annoying so I’m glad they’re hitting that.

  19. mkreku says:

    I’m getting two copies of this. As soon as it hits the bargain bin. Who knows, maybe I’ll even have a patch to look forward to by then?

  20. roryok says:

    I admit, I laughed pretty hard.
    And I’m looking forward to the new characters. Playing as that Irish guy will be pretty boss.

    Did I miss something? Were we all watching the same trailer? What was funny about that? What Irish guy?

    No Seriously, I think I might have actually watched the wrong one. This is the trailer I saw


    some stuff blows up


    a guy in a chicken suit speaks spanish


    some cheats happen


    A woman’s voice repeatedly asks “if you’re ever stuck”, bla bla bla

    the end.

    Maybe I have to have played the game to get it?

  21. Stromko says:

    I’d say it’s about fking time a developer put out an honest to goodness PATCH for a console game. I remember buggy, unfinished, crashy games since the original X-Box, and while PC versions either got an official patch or a fan-patch as was the case with Akella’s Pirates of the Caribbean (formerly known as Seadogs II), the console versions languished in utter unplayability.

    Games are complicated, QA budgets and timetables are too short, plus EA sucks. They have to patch their games, they CANNOT get it right the first time, even when they can take identical hardware and OS’s for granted.

  22. Stromko says:

    Roryok: re: “Other Fixes”: In Mercs 2, at least as released, those messages came up about every 3 minutes, no matter what you were doing. I played through the game once, took maybe 10 hours, and that damned woman told me to come back for advice what feels like thousands of times.

    So I actually found this funny. Would’ve been funnier if they’d gotten the voice actor onboard so he could tell that c**t to shut the fk up.

  23. Shadow Aspect says:

    I hadn’t really kept up with this, but the game actually looks pretty fun. Now on my wanted list.

  24. Pwnzerfaust says:

    @Roryok: Stromko is correct. You have to have played the game to understand it. No need to get snappy.

  25. x25killa says:

    They better released that patch for the PC. Also, I do love the game.

  26. Chaz says:

    A very enjoyable game I thought and I will look forward to the updates, especially the one that shuts up that woman’s repetitive announcement. Although having a woman constantly nagging down your ear hole does lend it a kind of realism.

  27. roryok says:

    @Roryok: Stromko is correct. You have to have played the game to understand it. No need to get snappy.

    Yeah I was trying not to get snappy but I’m tired and grumpy this morning


    Is it actually any good? I did enjoy the first one, but I did find it had a few realism issues. You could get hit with an RPG and be ok. enemy buildings re-built themselves, in the middle of a war-torn country occupied by a number of foreign armies. But it WAS a lot of fun.

  28. Dr_demento says:

    I loved the first and continue to love the second, despite its repetitive voice clips, its buggy performance and its oft-infuriating mission design. A patch is very, very welcome.

  29. Ergates says:

    @crozon “…better than force fucking unleashed”

    I dunno, “Force Fucking Unleashed” sounds quite intriguing…

  30. Songbearer says:

    @Roryok: “…but I did find it had a few realism issues. ”

    If you’re looking for realism, you’re better off playing STALKER. Mercenaries has its tounge jammed so firmly in its cheek that you’re most likely going to be turned off as soon as you see the opening cinematic.

    This is a game which gives you a near infinite supply of monster trucks with rocket boosters duct-taped to the underside of them, chaingun-laden motorcycles with tank treads instead of wheels, and enough high ordinance to level the entire country, let alone a few buildings.

    Buildings will stay destroyed for as long as you have the game on, but will reset if you load it up again later. Oh, and if you play as the swede, you can survive a direct tank shell to the face and still get shot at and live. It’s probably one of my favourite games this year because it’s just so silly.

  31. roryok says:

    If you’re looking for realism, you’re better off playing STALKER

    Which I do of course. I realise mercenaries is not about realism. I don’t mind the odd bit of unrealism where necessary to enhance the fun, but some games take liberties that are just idiotic.

    Take Just Cause for example. That game was so over the top unrealistic I just couldn’t play it. the guy you played could stand, literally, surrounded by a circle of 10+ enemies throwing grenades and shooting him and it would still take near a full minute for him to die. That’s when he wasn’t parachuting from the ground up into the air or jumping onto fighter jets as they flew past.

    I just want to make sure they havent made it that idiotic or anything

  32. BarkingDog says:

    so far i’ve been playing as the girl because she can run fast. \o/
    but when it comes to the VZ occupied buildings, it’s really damn annoying- they’re just tiny boxes filled with RPG-wielding infinitely-respawning fucktards who kill you in two hits; additionally, the first hit knocks you over so you can’t run away from the inevitable second rocket up the jacksie.
    also, jumping is stupidly broken, in that you can scale near-vertical surfaces if you tap jump fast enough. and the disguise thing feels like a good idea with shit implementation, since “friendlies” will shoot at you if you’re in a “hostile” vehicle until you press F. To sound the horn. What the fuck. Also, hostiles will report you for a tiny spray of bullets even if you’re in one of their helicopters and far, far above them. But they don’t mind you putting a little C4 on an officer’s face, retreating out of los and turning him into ketchup. Or shooting a barrel next to a giant fuel tank next to said officer. :/
    by the way, speaking of just cause, i really, really miss that guy’s parachute and non-shit grapple. really, really, really.

  33. Sire404 says:

    I actually thought Mercenaries 2 was a lot more fun than Crysis Warhead for example. It looks like shite in comparison and doesn’t feel very polished, but it’s just damned good fun in a sandbox kind of way.

    I feel they could take the concept MUCH further though. Mercenaries 3 ftw?

  34. Eschatos says:

    I really hate how when getting a ride from Ewan you sometimes randomly appear in the farthest bottom left corner of the map and automatically die.

  35. DigitalSignalX says:

    Know why they put all the random bomb carts on hills? Because you can attach C4 to it, give it a push, and it rolls down into some targets for explodey no-fuel required fun.

    The game is great. Totally Dumb and full of bugs, But great.

  36. The Apologist says:

    Good for them.