[Wot – Ed]
Gamershyde are the first to put up a load (if six counts of a load) of images of the mysterious Alan Wake, so they get linked. Which is pretty good – but then 1UP actually got an embedded version up, which means they get linked too and the petty little video thrown beneath the cut, plus some frame-by-frame analysis of a bloke running around in the dark with a torch.
00:01: Rating Pending, apparently. C’mon. It’s going to be an R-one, so just stick it there.
00:04: A man, in profile, running carrying a torch, breathing heavily. At night. Wearing a trenchcoat. Let’s hope he’s not up to no good.
00:05: Actually, it’s Alan Wake doing the heavy breathing. Let’s hope we’re not going to see Little Alan.
00:06: Exciting zoom pan, because this is a horror game, I think.
00:08: Microsoft Game Studios written in the sort of font that makes you think of the classes side of horror films and/or school reports by the kid trying to get extra marks for presentation.
00:014: Voice-over talking about how idylic as we pan over wooded, isolated town. Actually, very pretty in a Twin Peaks meets The Shining kind of way.
00:27: This really is very pretty. Who made this again?
00:29: Ah yes, Remedy Games in that professional font.
00:36: Alan Wake needs to shave. I wonder if Leigh fancies him? I would suspect… no.
00:39: “Alan Wake – I thought you looked familiar. I’m your biggest fan.” says the mentally subnormal waitress.
00:44: Lots of little bits of fragments showing scenes which say something or another. I hope we can skip past all the cut-scenes. I don’t do it because they annoy me though. I do it to make everyone who works on cut-scenes to feel as if their whole life was a waste.
00:47: Extreme close up on a tap which drops water. And then goes into slow motion.
00:48: Voice over in scary girl’s voice: There is a miracle. I think anyway.
00:49: Sped up footage of the town which normally means trouble’s afoot.
00:52: And it’s night and Alan’s off with a torch again. This means evil’s afoot. “I wrote the story,” he says.
00:57: More pans, more darkness, more torch, more voiceovers saying things like “You’re making it up”.
00:59: In a high-noon esque shot, we pan over to Alan Wake’s side showing he has a revolver hanging there. This implies shooting may be imminent.
01:04: Some voiceover about “your words will change things” and then a zoomyzoomyzoomy pan across all the map. Alan Wake is cinematic. yes.
01:06: Seriously, this pan is FUCKING ZOOMY. We end up close on Alan Wake running away…
01:08: FROM AN EXPLOSION!
01:12: We’re in the “Everything goes wrong” section now. A guy with blood all over his face and tie. Alec, my girlfriend and myself all got blood on our faces at a wedding recently. We don’t know how, but one person disappeared from the party and has never been seen again. Well, except when Alec pooped them out, and that was only by Alec.
01:13: Blood covered guy goes “He’s right behind you!”
01:15: Alan Wake shoots at something! Hurrah!
01:17: Zoom into Alan Wake’s head. And then we see some pale ghosty lady thing.
01:21: And what seems to be her voice drifting away saying “Alan – Wake up” over the Logo of Alan Wake sliding onto the screen. Which hangs around for a bit.
01:27: Post title teaser of Alan, surrounded by a load of shadowy figures, pointing a gun around panickedly while they whisper “You called us here”. Which reminds me of Walker at his Birthday party last year when he seemed upset we all turned up and had a lovely time.
01:28 And we’re back to logos.
Initial thoughts: Absolutely nothing in the trailer looked as if it was actually controllable play. Which implies too many cut-scenes for my liking, guv. Extremely attractive, however and… well, the trailer doesn’t really sell me on its writing either. It’s an extremely polished, beautifully selected mass of cliches. We’ll see.