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Cooking Mamarrrrrrrggggghhhh!

She's mental, that cooking mama. noticed that PETA have crafted a piece of Thanksgiving Agitprop. It’s based around the popular DS game Cooking Mama games, and is cunningly entitled Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals. You can play online, download it or go beneath the cut and find the embeddable version – alongside a gallery of our favourite flesh-rending moments and a few thoughts. And a Turkey fact PETA didn’t mention in their game. Man!
Okay, here it is…

Play the full size version on

Best bits?

Don't have sex with the turkey. No matter how much you want to, resist. No good will come of it.

Well, here we are rummaging around inside a turkey to try and pull out the organs. Tricky to work out which bit of gristly flesh and purple tubes is connected to those internals and which is just for local colour.

Okay, why not. Dirty slutty little turkey. TAKE IT.

And here we are sawing the head of the Turkey. Later, we tri-sect the neck to make gravy. Which has made me more sure than ever I’m perfectly fine with Bisto, thanks.

Tied to the anti-Turkey-consumption is a little annoyance from PETA that Cooking Mama doesn’t have nearly enough vegetarian recipes, and that they probably should. Which seems fair enough for a thing to be annoyed about, but by having Cooking Mama: Mama Kills Animals as your opening salvo… well, it’s not exactly tactics designed to change Majestco’s mind. Its tactics designed to change the mind of Cooking Mama players about their eating habits. And, since as animal-rights activists that’s really what they’re trying to do, you have to admit it’s probably an effective route to reach Cooking Mama’s general audience. Is it ethical? You tell me.

Oh – Turkey fact. And I’m surprised it didn’t turn up, as it’s the one which I – as an adult – find more disturbing than just basic cruel slaughterhouse conditions.

Turkey can’t have sex. They’ve been bred to be so enormously fleshy that the old penis/vagina this is impractical, and they have to rely on artificial insemination. In the same way that when I look at a poodle or similar, and think that relatively few generations back it was basically a wolf and start to question humanity’s better nature, the idea that we’ve done that to Turkeys makes me wonder.

So I try not to eat Turkey. Because chicken is so much tastier. Like, obv.

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Who am I?

Kieron Gillen


Kieron Gillen is robo-crazy.

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