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Left 4 Dead RPS Review Face-Off

VIOLENCE

You’d have thought with RPS’ extensive Left 4 Dead coverage, we’d have written all pallid, unattractive men could stand to hammer about zombies tearing flesh. And normally you’d be right. But you forgot about the most potent power-up. Money. Lots of Money. And if there’s one thing that RPS is good at, it’s selling our God-given-lack-of talent for a few tiny coins to spend on crisps. Hence Alec and I have bent to the will of our evil corporate paymasters and reviewed it for them. Now, who reviewed it for IGN and who reviewed it for Eurogamer? Guess, before clicking…

Ah, well, I wrote it for Eurogamer and Alec wrote it for IGN. Perhaps obviously, as IGN have never hired me to work for them ever. Man! Anyway, this is how he starts…

The title’s all wrong. Not just because some befuddled fool is bound to wonder how they missed Left 3 Dead – the film The Madness of King George III being retitled the Madness of King George for just that reason remains one of modern cinema’s finest facepalm moments. It’s also because 4’s ultimately the wrong number. It’s not a four-player game, not really. Yes, there’s an extensive four-player co-op campaign, which offers a good eight hours of slaying zombies in their thousands. And, incidentally, we really mean thousands – your kill count will comfortably hit five figures within a week or two of regular play.

And continues in a similar vein.

Meanwhile, I start like this…

My favourite moment in Left 4 Dead? I’m playing Versus mode, and we’ve reached the apex of the Blood Harvest campaign in a desperate farmhouse siege against overwhelming odds. I’m part of the overwhelming odds, playing the corpulent blob that is the Boomer. I wobble up to a window and look inside, to see Louis firing away desperately at the horde around him. I just watch, smiling, waiting for him to turn in my direction. Only when he does, when he realises that I’m standing there, do I spray him with my zombie-attracting vomit, prompting another wave of infected to crowd in and hammer him to death.

Actually, writing about Blood Harvest reminds me of something that may be even better.

And continue like that for a good 400 words before I even start explaining what the game’s like. Ah, I’ll never learn.

Probably a good time to say publicly that I didn’t write my Eurogamer strap-line. Mine was presumably too long. But frankly, since it’s an awesome “It’s braining men” I wish I did. All credit to whoever hammered it out, presumably Tom “Tom Bramwell” Bramwell.

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Kieron Gillen

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Kieron Gillen is robo-crazy.

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