Dear Mr Microsoft and Mr Molyneux

I’ve been having a lovely time playing your Fable II videogame on the Xbox Three Hundred and Sixty entertainment machine over Festivus, but sadly all the while I couldn’t help but think “gosh! If only this was also available on the IBM Compatible electronic typing machine.” Because then I’d be able to write many thoughtful words about it on this delightful weblog, and any of our lovely readers who feel RPGs are a bit too grim’n’guts’n’gunplay these days could relax into something entirely light-hearted and so delightfully determined to reward rather than penalise its players.

Please heed our calls, good sirs. You were gentlemanly enough to give us a PC edition of Fable The First a short time after its Xbox The First release, so we fully anticipate this bright-eyed ruffian arriving on our doorstep any day now. If it was available on dear Madame PC, you’d also be able to use her many buttons to fix the horrific spell selection system. That would be nice, wouldn’t it?

Of course, you would have to change the job mini-games to something a little less game-paddy and monotonous, and would have to put up with more hot-tempered people rudely proclaiming that they don’t think it’s an RPG, the morality’s too binary, they’re offended by bodily functions and that there’s no replay value. They might be a little bit right, but don’t pay too much heed to such miseriguts – I think you should do it anyway.

ps – I really liked it when Zoe Wanamaker said “kiss my arse.”


  1. SwiftRanger says:

    Didn’t PCG UK already made two very strong hints in their recent issues that this is coming to PC?

  2. Pags says:

    I would like this to happen sometime soon too, though mostly because my 360 went into RROD mode two days after christmas. Bawwww.

  3. Über Nerd says:

    Let me see, farting as a communication option…
    …no thanks.

  4. Pags says:

    Evidently you have never played Abe’s Odyssee, Über Nerd.

  5. Pags says:


    Curse you, intermittent Edit Function

  6. Heliocentric says:

    Abe farting isn’t a method of communication. Its a lethal weapon. Actions speak louder than words eh?

  7. Alec Meer says:

    It’s absurd that so many people seem to define F2 by the farting thing. It’s one option amongst dozens, you don’t ever have to use it, and no-one ever farts at you. Also, the populace will deem you a bit of a pig rather than a posho if you do keep doing it.

    Me, I generally communicated by playing the lute and sock-puppetry.

  8. Caiman says:

    Fable II is indeed excellent. While I’m sure it’ll be better when it eventually comes to the PC, I’m not sure if my rig will run it, and with the 360 version I don’t have to worry about whether it will be crippled with idiotic DRM. The PC is getting harder and harder to defend these days, sad to say. Still, at least it has King’s Bounty.

  9. Kieron Gillen says:

    AND IN THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  10. Cian says:

    I am more excited about this arriving on the beige box than any other coming release.

  11. The Hammer says:

    Too late, Kieron. Someone else commented before you. :(

    But still – I entirely agree. Fable 2 is the console game this year that has most intrigued me. Despite the many problems I had with the original, I still loved it very much, and any opportunity to play this sequel will not be passed up.

  12. MisterBritish says:

    *addendum; If you could also assign ‘Eat a Pie’ to it’s own key that would be nice. Something like ‘Ctrl+Alt+Shift+P’ would be suitable, rather than ‘WASD’, or ‘Mouse1’, in case you were wondering.

  13. Man Raised By Puffins says:

    I once gave an impromptu puppet show to my merry band of followers to while away the time before I executed them (midnight is the best time, or so I understand). One lass found it so impressive she gifted me a shitty necklass just before she was about to be brutally beheaded, handily stepping outside the execution circle to do so. Suprisingly she seemed a bit perturbed to now be standing amid a pile of headless corpses and steadfastly refused to follow me to the execution circle again, culminating in a Benny Hill chase around the Temple of Shadows before I finally cast Blades to finish her off. Fun times, and probably my number two game of the last year.

  14. The_B says:

    ps – I really liked it when Zoe Wanamaker said “kiss my arse.”

    Must have been funnier than the My Family Christmas specials, at any rate…

  15. Tei says:

    I would love to have a XBox 360. But I will be banned the 3th day, because I would use homebrew software on it, maybe install Linux, maybe install more ram, and fix the wrong thermal design.
    A console is like that Tree on the paradise. You can have the tree, but not byte the apples. I will do, and get banned from the paradise till 9/9/9999.
    Theres also the mindset of console players that modding = cheating, evil. Thats kills me, but is not fatal. What is fatal is the mindset of the games. The mindset of the console games *really* disguste me .. with a passsion… !!. It get on my nerver every game that have “checkpoint” saves, pressing R , L , U in the right order, or that type of crap

  16. clovus says:

    Of course, you would have to change the job mini-games to something a little less game-paddy

    Nah, just shoe-horn in some really terrible mouse/keyboard controls for the goofs who don’t own a gamepad for their PC. I blame all of you no-gamepad-PC-gamers for the Fight Night series never coming to the PC.

    I really want to use Floyd Mayweather to whip Ricky Fatton again….

  17. Pags says:

    Abe farting isn’t a method of communication. Its a lethal weapon. Actions speak louder than words eh?

    Whenever I farted at another Mudokon they would giggle, was my version of Abe broken? :(

  18. Dinger says:

    I dunno guys. I tried the Psychonauts PC Demo, and when it became evident that the disorienting 3rd-person view was only hampered further by a bad mouse pan=thumbstick translation, and I found myself having to repeat the same section over and over because the “walk forward” control suddenly and seamfully became a “walk off the side” instruction, I nuked the install and decided that even the best writing and gameplay expressed through a passable console port does not make a PC game. If you don’t make the controls native, the only people you will impress are journalists and those who own consoles. Nobody else buys gamepads for their PC, even if they’re merited.

  19. Jonas says:

    I too would appreciate it if I were able to read your word-thinks about this game, which I too have played and found immensely enjoyable. Though I do object to the description of Fable 2 as “entirely light-hearted”, as it does contain some fairly grim scenes, rendered all the grimmer by their stark contrast to the more pervasively twee parts of the game.

    Too bloody right about the spell casting system. Thank heavens I played a Skill-based hero.

  20. Alec Meer says:

    Re grim scenes – yeah, absolutely. Though they’re the exception rather than the rule, and don’t really define the game as a whole.

  21. shinygerbil says:

    Sadly, I jumped straight in and bought Psychonauts for PC without trying the demo. Interestingly enough, while hastily bolting mouse+keyboard controls into it they somehow managed to engineer it in such a way that despite my best efforts to re-remap my 360 controller, I was still required to use the keyboard for certain bits and pieces of the interface and game.

    And needless to say, thumbstick -> mouse -> thumbstick is bad, and someone somewhere should feel bad.

  22. Jonas says:

    Alec: Yeah that’s true, but for some reason they’re the first thing I think about when recalling the game. Probably because they really stand out like that. Especially that A Perfect World thing right before the end. Man. Filled me with a truly profound sadness. Damn near made me cry.

  23. Jochen Scheisse says:

    I buy gamepads for the PC, if only to beat Last Blade 2 on Neo Geo Emu. With Psychonauts I prefer the Keyboard, because it doesn’t have half circle back half circle back A+B combos.

  24. RichP says:

    Microsoft is the publisher, eh? Doubt we’ll see a Steam release.

  25. Eli Just says:

    Sooner is better than later. I waited 7 months for GTA IV and they still screwed it up royally. I’m not going to purchase another game that makes me wait that long, no matter how good.

  26. roryok says:

    @Eli Just

    Hear Hear. I loved the first fable but after the fiasco that was GTA IV on the PC I have completely lost confidence in Microsofts ability to publish a game properly on the PC.

  27. RichP says:

    Publisher: We’ll release the PC version months later, fail to optimize it, load it with bloatware, and still charge full price!

    [three months later]

    Publisher: The game didn’t meet our unrealistic sales expectations! Fuck you, PC gaming is teh deadz!!111~!

  28. Eli Just says:

    @RichP Exactly, when PC gamers have already heard about all the issues in the console version and are already over the novelty of the game because it’s been out for months already, they tend not to want to spend $50 on it, and the publisher says it was piracy that caused low sales and that it would have been worse if they had released it any earlier, just causing a negative feedback loop. Hooray incompetence!

  29. Homunculus says:

    It’s absurd that so many people seem to define F2 by the farting thing. c/f the Witcher, cards.

  30. Kadayi says:

    I’d of thought this was a certainty to turn up on PC eventually. There is just too much of a ready RPG audience out there to pass up the opportunity to make some more bucks (esp in this financial climate). Looking forward to it because despite it’s shortcomings I enjoyed the first one.

  31. psyk says:

    Fable 2 – The lost chapters.

  32. Psychopomp says:

    “It get on my nerver every game that have “checkpoint” saves, pressing R , L , U in the right order, or that type of crap”

    Now now, why must every game allow you to make a perma-save anywhere? A good checkpoint system is one of the best ways to insure that the player themselves doesn’t ruin the tension you’re going for, via saving constantly.

  33. Butler` says:

    Was pretty sure this was coming to the PC.

  34. jives says:

    Why would you lose faith in Microsoft because of the GTA fiasco. Rockstar are responsible for that one.

  35. SanguineLobster says:

    Uh, I believe it’s spelled ‘Gawrsh’

  36. Jeremy says:

    I’m all for a light hearted adventure, we’ll have plenty of dark and grim RPGs to play, namely Dragon Age. Looks to be quite serious in tone, so I’ll gladly take a stab at farting my way through adventures.

  37. Tworak says:

    Maybe they’re waiting until they have functional co-op in the game before releasing it on the PC.


  38. Ghiest says:

    I’m an avid pc gamer, and as I spent the Christmas around my brothers house (was his Christmas present :P) it was played quite a bit. I have to say I really, really do like the game, sure it has some faults but don’t all games?

    Not sure how this would translate across the PC though, as you have said it’s a bit … arcadey for a PC RPG.

  39. Real Horrorshow says:

    Almost all Microsoft Game Studios games from the 360 come to PC eventually. Think about it for a minute.

    I’d bet a couple shillings that Gears 2 will come to PC too, whether Grandmaster MC Cliffy B Dogg likes it or not.

  40. Optimaximal says:

    It’s silly how PC gamers are leaping on the word ‘exclusive’ as meaning ‘definitely no other platforms than the native/lead’…

    ‘Exclusive’ too me has always been ‘buy our console, Super Mega Machine X, because it’s not on the Y-station II’ and has 9 times out of 10 expired after 6 months.

  41. Flint says:

    So I take it I’m the only one who had no problems with the mouse/keyboard controls in Psychonauts.

  42. Jahkaivah says:

    No Flint, i’m wondering what the hell they are talking about as well.

  43. qrter says:

    A good checkpoint system is one of the best ways to insure that the player themselves doesn’t ruin the tension you’re going for, via saving constantly.

    If a game has to depend on its save system to create tension, something has gone horribly wrong in the design process.

    (Shamus Young wrote about this on his blog)

    So I take it I’m the only one who had no problems with the mouse/keyboard controls in Psychonauts.

    Yes. I hated those controls. Made me stop playing the game, which was a shame because I did enjoy what I had played until then.

  44. PC Gaming Master Race says:

    Admit that you guys want to cover console games as well as PC Games, we won’t hold it against you… much.

    If your going to talk about any console related news it should be the sad demise of Free Radical. What a loss that was. Too bad none of the time splitters came to the PC. They were truly unique deathmatch games.

  45. Man With Lobster Avatar says:

    Those looney mix-&-match bot deathmatches in Timesplitters 2 have provided some of my favorite shooty fun.

  46. Hidden_7 says:

    Yeah I’m a little stranged out by these “Psychonauts had terrible mouse/keyboard controls” posts too. They were never even a problem for me.

    Re: Fable 2, yeah I’m looking forward to this one on the PC as well, even though I never beat the original Fable, got stuck on some timed mission I had to replay several times and then just gave up; it was charming, but not so much so that I would struggle through an annoyance like that.

  47. Dr_demento says:

    I really, really, really liked Fable 2 for many many reasons. The combat was stunning (best melee combat ever save Assassin’s Creed), the character interactions were great, the worldbuilding was awesome, the general atmosphere (something any number of RPGs forget) was absolutely genius, the dog was a fantastic idea well-implemented, and the humour was spot-on. Oh, and the grim bits really were shockingly grim. In short, everything except the godawful menu system was brilliant (curse you, Lionhead! When will you learn?). It was better than Fable, but then I was actually unable to play Fable it had such bad menus.

    @PCGMR: Yes. PC-centric sounds so much more inclusive, don’t you think?

  48. Larington says:

    Regarding intermittent edit function, I tend to find I can edit when logged into forums, when I’m not logged into forums my ability to edit comments goes bye bye.

    I really want to see Fable 2 on PC, I am completely unwilling to buy a 360 or PS3 when I’ve got a perfectly good gaming system that I can use for all sorts of other tasks as well.

    Also, I’m uncomfortable with this becoming a mostly PC and occasional console blog by its mandate, as an on-the-fly thing fair enough, but theres plenty of console centric blogging out there and RPS is one of the few places on the Internet which balances that tilt back in the right direction. Translation: I like it the way it is, thanksverymuch.

  49. Alec Meer says:

    That is indeed the truth of the editing system. We’d love to fix it, but are far too stupid.

    On covering consoles – for the squillionth time, no. That doesn’t mean we can’t acknowledge the bally things’ existence or comment enthusiastically/scathingly on games likely to reach PC. E.g. this here Fable II – there’ve been persistent rumours, and the PC port of its predecessor sets a strong precedent for it happening.

  50. MetalCircus says:

    I loved the kiss my arse bit too.