Gifts Of War: New Warhammer Classes?

More or less cut off from my sugary internet drip-feed for a couple of weeks due to a house move (look ma, I’m in That London!), the very idea of playing an MMO seems absolutely ludicrous to me right now – it’s like dreaming of going swimming while stranded in the desert, or asking for a Big Mac in Burger King. What I can do while I wait is appreciate Mythic’s cheeky viral hints as to upcoming Warhammer Online updates. Remember all those classes they cut a while before release? A couple of ’em were reinstated last month, and now it looks like the remaining fellas are inbound too. Either that or Mythic are just really rude about bloggers’ haircuts.

The other mystery parcel is a DVD of Predator sent to The Greenskin, which frankly is a nice enough surprise in and of itself.

That scrawled timecode points to the line of all lines: get to tha choppa!. Choppa, as in Orc Choppa – a DPS class cut from the game’s initial release. And that delightful haircare kit sent to Keen and Graev is, it transpires, a less obvious clue, this time to the Dwarf Slayer – a type of stuntie who expresses his shame for some tragic event by giving himself a bright orange mohawk. Curiously, the Slayer wasn’t among the roster of axed classes – rather, it was originally the Dwarf hammerer. Looks like there may have been a change in plans. We’ll find out the hows and whys soon: we’re looking at a January 29 reveal for both of this newbies, by the sounds of it.

While obviously it’s spectacular news for existing WAR players – you don’t get many MMOs that chuck out four new character classes in free patches, after all – it does rather seem to be reinforcing what already works rather than fixing what doesn’t work. WAR’s higher-tier PvP is full of beans: what we really need is a fix for the rather desolate lower level areas, the public quests and cities. More world to go with all that war, in other words. Still, we can’t question Mythic’s commitment to the game if they’re regularly chucking out patches of this magnitude.

Of course, any mention of Predator makes linking to this a mandatory requirement:


  1. Ian says:

    If WoW didn’t exist, people would say “Well why didn’t they just let us have them in the first place?”

    But as we all know, Blizzard are made of hellfire and Stalin’s ‘tache, so the correct reaction is, “Bravo, WAR! This is proof that World of Warcraft must die! DIE!”

    Anyway, rambling aside I think this is a fine thing to do and something that the likes of Blizzard should take note of. How different are the classes likely to be compared to what’s there already?

  2. Pags says:



  3. Gladman says:

    Fuck the article. That was the best video ever.

  4. The Poisoned Sponge says:

    Classic Predator.

  5. Jim Rossignol says:

    That is basically the best video.

  6. BaconIsGood4You says:

    Such a great movie! Love The Predator. A modern day Beowulf.

  7. skizelo says:

    Is this the first ever passive-agressive press release?

  8. Danarchist says:

    Damn that was a awesome video lol, that guy has allot of free time he should look into mmo’s =P
    Cant wait for the slayers, one of the most colorful characters in the warhammer lore, surprised that it wasnt included in the original. Get ready for 8000000 dwarves with variations on the name Gotrek.
    Now if they could just add the skaven….

  9. El_MUERkO says:

    “To trigger a timer to set off a bomb cause they’re all bad losers where the Predator comes from!”

    /water from nose

  10. El_MUERkO says:

    PS: wooo Slayers!

  11. Doc MacRae says:

    See, I need to make a lot of money so I can sit around thinking up stuff like this for a living.

  12. Azazel says:

    “asking for a Big Mac in Burger King.”

    Done that. And also the reverse.

  13. Him says:

    I can’t remember where I first saw the Amazing Predator Rap, but every time I hear it I just might be able to forgive UK Garage for its sins.

  14. Ian says:

    Out of absent-mindedness or, you know, to be a dick? ;)

  15. Ian says:

    Oops, that comment was aimed at Azazel.

    (Grrr no edit.)

  16. Azazel says:

    No just pure stupidity. I also once asked for a ‘Kebab Express’ in a place called Kebab Express.

  17. The Archetype says:

    That was some of the worst rapping I’ve ever heard, yet still managed to be insanely awesome.

  18. Tei says:

    I have to write a pedantic message every week, so this is this week one:

    Andy Warhol put copypasta in the cultural map with the cloned Marilyn Monroe’s. Now, It will be easy to make 6 different Marilyns Monroes in any MMO, only with different hair. But was the work of amazing unnamed Dungeon Masters put the acronim “RPG” on the map.
    It was because creativity, and the ability to make memorable moments with these tools.

    These 2 new classes, will help Andy Warhol copypaste marilyns monroes, or will help unnamed Dungeon Masters to create memorable moments?

  19. Erlam says:

    “Andy Warhol put copypasta in the cultural map with the cloned Marilyn Monroe’s. ”

    Sorry, I had trouble reading the rest, as I’m still giggling at the idea of ‘copypasta.’

  20. Nick says:

    What the bloody hell was that all about Tei?

  21. Rei Onryou says:

    I have this sudden urge to watch Predator.

    What’s all this WAR business everyone else keeps talking about?

  22. Svenska says:

    Tei…I think you should get to the chopper.

  23. Kommissar Nicko says:

    Tei is on /tg/ too much to communicate like a normal person who doesn’t troll 4chan fapping to monstergirl porn (not a guarantee). But in other news, this is decent news, but not enough to make me want to play War (or any MMO).

    However, on the bright side, I’ve never really wanted to sit down and watch Predator because I’ve heard it’s horrible; this badass rap about Predator crushed the cogent material down into something I prefer: HILARITY ENSUES!

  24. TooNu says:

    This movie has always been in my top 10, along with Aliens

  25. Oak says:


    Even people who roll their eyes at action movies like Predator. It’s the cream of the crop.

  26. malkav11 says:

    It’s good that they’re putting the classes back in, but comments like “what other MMO introduces four new classes in free patches?!?” are a bit disingenuous. It’s more accurately “what other MMO cuts significant chunks of content shortly before release and then dribbles them back into the game slowly?” Still no sign of the other capital cities, for example. Granted, they kind of need to fix the viability of the current city sieging setup before they complicate it with more, but honestly I think those would have more genuine game impact than a couple of MDPS classes being reintroduced. I haven’t felt their lack particularly. (The previously cut tank classes were much missed, though. Glad they’re back.)

    By contrast, City of Heroes actually *did* introduce multiple new classes (archetypes, in CoH parlance) with a free content update.

  27. Catastrophe says:


    WoW left out alot of its promised content from release and is still yet to implement them now, 4 years down the line!

    Guild housing anyone?

  28. Anthony Damiani says:

    “what other MMO cuts significant chunks of content shortly before release and then dribbles them back into the game slowly?”

    City of Heroes shipped without freaking CAPES.

  29. Nick says:

    “what other MMO cuts significant chunks of content shortly before release and then dribbles them back into the game slowly?””


  30. malkav11 says:

    Did WoW or CoH actually have those features in beta and then pull them before release?

  31. MeestaNob! says:

    I’m very happy for WAR players. Both of you.


  32. alisha.pang says:

    If it wasn’t for my friendly and wonderful swim instructor Christina. I think I wouldn’t have taken to swimming so much. I’ll be sure to send my kids to take up lessons with her. Where did you learn swimming anyhows?

  33. StenL says:

    /\ Best. Spam. Ever.