Scout Update Day 3: Achievements & Bonk

Bonk. Snicker.

The cunning get-us-to-talk-about-their-game-every-day tactics of Valve succeed for a third day running! Thursday’s Scout reveal is not only the achievement titles (what’s required is still to come, and requires bold guessing in the comments please), but also Bonk Energy Drink, what looks to be the second of the Scout’s unlocks.

Bonk, which perhaps isn’t a word that has the same connotations in the States as it does in the UK (snurk snurk), is an energy drink that apparently will give the Scout a few seconds of what sounds to be super-speed, followed by a sugar crash that slows him down. The description this time is not entirely clear. Here’s how Valve describes it, in the voice of the peppy messenger:

“Runnin’ rings around all them molasses-slow dummies out there on the battle- field is thirsty frickin’ work. But when it comes to quenchin’ that thirst, only one thermonuclear thirst detonator packs all the “Atomic Punch” you’ll ever need. Bonk! is fulla radiation, which as we all know is pretty great for givin’ people superpowers. Just one can’ll blast ya into a few-second rush of radioactive energy so powerful you’ll be dodgin’ bullets like they ain’t even there!

Note: Bonk! contains several hundred times the daily recommended allowance of sugar. After the beneficial effects of the radiation wear off, drinkers have reported experiencing feelings of lethargy that can last several seconds. Reading this sentence absolves Bonk! of any liability for killing sprees inspired by or deaths resulting from the ingestion of Bonk! Enjoy Bonk! responsibly… Or by the case!”

What do people think? A necessary boost? To cruel with the comedown? Or will it destroy everything in the known universe?

As predicted, the achievements are a mighty collection of baseball puns, with the odd bike messenger theme thrown in. I think we can guess what Dodgers 1: Giants 0 might allude to. Any others?


  1. Oak says:

    We tend to say boink, if what you’re referring to is what I think you’re referring to.

  2. TelefonHonda says:

    “you’ll be dodgin’ bullets like they ain’t even there!” Heavy’s going to have problems: someone can outsmart bullet!

  3. SuperNashwan says:

    At a guess, dodging bullets = sentry counter.

  4. Mr Chug says:

    Background image is far more interesting. Snaketemple style payload race?

    (Also that scattergun ain’t the conventional one)

  5. monchberter says:

    Looks like there will also be the bonus of bullet dodging, poor Heavy!

    Notice the background is a teaser for the new mode. That to me looks like double Payload, one Red, one Blu cart. A race?

    I wonder if all the secondary weapon swaps for all classes from now on will be consumables?

  6. Oak says:

    I didn’t even notice the background or the new gun.

    Looks like another desert map, so I hope there’s an alpine one to go with it. Also, the achievement icon for The Cycle seems to portray a tropical island, which can only mean that Valve has finally picked up the telepathic messages I’ve been sending them about a new map setting. Heavens, is there anything they can’t do?

  7. Gap Gen says:

    What is it with recent videogames and radioactive energy drinks?

  8. Wazzle says:

    I really like the idea of this. A weapon that dodges sentries, but has adverse effects too. About time. Even more interesting is that, unless Vavle are masters of coincidence, this idea came directly from a thread on the Steam forums. Sure, it’s definitely mildly modified, but that’s just another reason why Valve are the greatest video game developing company ever: they really listen to their customers.

    It also proves that there is a 1% minority on the Steam forums that aren’t bat-shit insane.

  9. Rich_P says:

    That new map looks awesome. CART RACE!

  10. Pace says:

    Oak; I think you’ve misunderstood which side has the meaning.

  11. waffles says:

    The heavy will soon meet one that can outsmart bullets.
    Also, personally i wish it was boink.

  12. Wazzle says:

    On another note, a lot of people have been worried about the scout update being overpowered so far. I’m not really worried about that at all; what has me concerned are the scout achievements. Generally, the achievements for a class require you to master all aspects of each weapon that class contains. However, if the pictures, titles, and themes are anything to judge by, it seems as though all of the achievements are centered around the bat. This a shame, because while it is fun(ny) to use the bat and occasionally get a kill, it is by far the least effective and most annoying weapon. Does anyone else agree with me, or am I the only one whose most played class is scout?

  13. Benjamin Finkel says:

    “Does anyone else agree with me, or am I the only one whose most played class is scout?”

    False dichotomy! But I agree with you. And medic’s my most played, but I love scout – and the scattergun is the core to a scout. The bat’s just silly.


  14. Fumarole says:

    A Payload race mode would be flippin’ sweet.

  15. A-Scale says:

    There is a lot of dodgy (lol) speculation regarding this reveal. Here’s what I’ve gathered from checking several forums.

    The new drink will give you a certain percentage chance of dodging bullets for a limited period. Your speed will then be sharply curtailed. I presume this will also affect the sentry’s knockback, as according to Valve this update was designed to make the scout more versatile against sentries.

    Also it appears that a new shotgun is shown in the image, and it has been (somewhat) confirmed by a translated version of a leak picked up by some Russians that it is a double barrel shotgun. One would think this means less shots, but more firepower. According to the translation, an achievement includes killing oneself using the knockback from the new shotgun. This may mean that the scout is pushed back every time he shoots, and can use that knockback for additional jump height/distance.

    Interesting stuff!

  16. wyrmsine says:

    I likethe “Miss! Miss! Miss!” graphic around the Scout. Maybe Bonk is the equivalent of a Crit defense?

  17. Oak says:

    The scout is my second most played class, and I use the bat constantly. It’s certainly more viable at close range than the pistol, and it’s usually more fun than pumping shotgun rounds into someone, especially when you’re chasing them.

  18. Nick says:

    The bat is brilliant fun.. of all the melee weapons I’d say it was the most viable as they can’t outrun you as easily.. axtinguisher + fire not withstanding.

    Or the old uber ubersaw tag team when it works..

  19. Crispy says:

    Another nerf for Heavy, as if he isn’t useless enough.

    The bigger question is what this weapon will replace. I’m guessing it will replace the pistol and there will be some sort of equal alternative to the Scattergun with the next updates. Bonk seems to be mostly a counter to Sentries and Heavies, and Snipers for that matter, but it could also be used to close on Demos (faster than they can lay sticky carpets) and escape from Pyros.

    I wonder how aggressively they’ve been testing the capping aspect Bonk gives the Scout. I know I go on about this, but they took out the gates from Granary again and now Scouts have Bonk to get to the middle even quicker.

    Plus, if Scouts can outrun Sentries, doesn’t that make it easier for them to spawncamp? Sentries were the only thing keeping Scouts away from the spawns before this update. Hmm…

    I’m going to put my neck out and say this will overpower the Scout, which is already a very powerful class in the right hands. It should be very interesting for the competitive side of the game, though. Scouts can rush the next CP even faster than before…

  20. Crispy says:

    Unless Bonk doesn’t actually make you faster, and just adds a negative ‘to hit’ modifier. After re-reading the Update announcement there doesn’t seem to be any reference to speed regarding the unlock, only regarding the Scout’s innate abilities in general.

  21. Dorian Cornelius Jasper says:

    That race map looks to be a situation where Scouts are actually useful to Payload games outside of Sudden Death “TOUCH THE CART” moments.

  22. Rich_P says:

    Seven classes will have 5 days worth of new content revelation (the medic and pyro updates were different, I think). So that means at least 35 days of TF2 news. And 35 days of coverage on every gaming blog/website/forum. Free advertising anyone?

    Free content leads to free advertising and more sales? But everyone else, do continue selling horse armor for $0.50 :D

  23. SuperNashwan says:

    The bat is better than people think it is, before the pyro update buffs scout batting was a better pyro than the pyro was, if you get my meaning. On a fast respawn server you can really get in there and mess with people again and again, best thing being jumping on a spun up heavy’s head and batting him to death. If you’re bored with yet another Dustbowl 1-2 stalemate on red, go scout and jump onto blu’s sniper platform, guaranteed bat death. People really hate those bat kills too and it can start to throw off their game. Mostly though I just love the bonk noise.

  24. sockpuppetclock says:

    link to

    ^ Very possible achievement descriptions.

  25. RealHorrorshow says:

  26. Lord Forkington says:

    Now this is interesting…

  27. Lord Forkington says:

    Hmm fail post.

    “Out of the Park – Bat the enemy so he flies 25 meters”

  28. Dorian Cornelius Jasper says:

    @Lord Forkington: You know, if you log in on the forum you can edit your comments in the blog.

  29. {HERO SQUAD} itsallcrap says:

    What I wanna know, as I was saying on the RPS Steam group last night (after a brilliant game, by the way, chaps – you really know how to best use teamspeak), is can we still reliably blow the little fscker up when he’s on Bonk?

    Surely a blast radius can’t ‘miss’?

  30. StalinsGhost says:

    It doesn’t matter how fast you’re running. You’re still getting my meaty fist in your face.


  31. soylent robot says:

    anybody notice that on the Bonk! page, he’s not holding the scattergun? and he appears to be in a level with a bomb cart track for both Blu and Red teams?

  32. {HERO SQUAD} itsallcrap says:

    Actually yeah, that was mentioned further up the page.

    A new version of the Scattergun is a fairly predictable inclusion (probably either more powerful and slower to fire, or the inverse thereof), but I really want to know more about the dual-payload idea.

    Obviously it’s kind of academic since hero squad’s cart will always be powered immediately to the end of the track by pure MANLINESS.

  33. StalinsGhost says:

    Exactly. We’ll be powering our way through with sheer brute strength and a phalanx of gunfire.

  34. Malagate says:

    You might be, until I paciFIST you out of the way! I’ll get you yet Zero Squid!

  35. itsallcrap says:

    Who was the Heavy that ran away literally screaming like a girl when I ubered the demo in front of him on Steel? That was so manly it came right round to the other side.

    Had to stop playing for a minute because I couldn’t aim for laughing.

  36. CakeAddict says:

    I hope it’s short enough not to cause any problems.
    Just long enough to get pass a sentry but not destroy it and I take it’s only bullets not explosives so he isn’t completely invulnerable.

    Gonna play demoman when the update comes. =p

  37. JonFitt says:

    Hmm, an actual temporary invuln would be devastating.
    I just read the release as you’d move much faster for a time (making you hard to hit), and then slow down.

  38. A-Scale says:

    I just read the release as you’d move much faster for a time (making you hard to hit), and then slow down.

    The main flaw with this argument is of course that speed has little affect on sentry tracking, and is completely dependent on which way it is facing. The “miss miss miss” also seems to indicate that it gives the scout a high chance to dodge bullets (think like an RPG) rather than just outrun them.

  39. Jarts says:

    I especially like the First Blood and First Blood, Part 2 achievement names. Oh, Rambo..

    Perhaps getting a set number of consecutive kills, then the same but with only the bat? (as per the image)

  40. Optimaximal says:

    They’ve released the achievement details – Bonk! must give the Scout a miss modifier alongside his speed boost as the Artful Dodger achievement is based on avoiding 1000 damage in 1 life. Clearly it’s just a case of ‘even if bullet hits scout, give it a 50% chance of missing’ or something

  41. Optimaximal says:

    Also, the new shotgun is called ‘Force-a-Nature’.

    Caught Napping: Kill 50 enemies from behind with the Force-A-Nature.

  42. dbdkmezz says:

    This achievement looks interesting:

    Out of the Park: Bat an enemy 25 meters”

    Since when did the bat push people?

    Also, the details for the new map says:

    Classes with the ability to ascend rapidly (Soldiers, Demomen, and Scouts using the new scattergun unlockable )

    So looks like the new scattergun helps you ascend, rocket-jump for the scout?

  43. AlexW says:

    Recoil on the Scattergun alternative confirmed, then. Hopefully it’s enough for the Scout to finally reach Gravel Pit B’s roof.

  44. M_the_C says:

    They’ve released the achievement details – Bonk! must give the Scout a miss modifier alongside his speed boost as the Artful Dodger achievement is based on avoiding 1000 damage in 1 life. Clearly it’s just a case of ‘even if bullet hits scout, give it a 50% chance of missing’ or something

    Not necessarily, it could make all bullets miss, and you just have to be shot at that many times.

    Since when did the bat push people?

    One possibility is crits, (do all melee weapons send people flying when they crit?) I know I’ve been sent flying by a Spy backstab. I read another possibility somewhere that it could be related to the sandman, and hitting a stunned opponent results in them going flying.

  45. SodiumBenzoate says:

    “Since when did the bat push people?”
    If you read into it farther, it just says “bat” a person 25 meters, not USE the bat. This could allude to the unlockable bat being able to range and knockback in melee??