Lay Down Your Weary Head

If you’re one of those who becomes outraged by our occasional (alright, regular) self-indulgence/celebration on RPS, you should wander away now and pretend this story isn’t here. What story? Exactly.

I’ve just received a very large box in the post. What could it be? An unsubtle letter bomb from angry Alice fans? The optimism I lost somewhere aged about 6? Oh, that’s right – it’s my birthday today. This is probably some kind of ‘gift’, which is what I believe you human creatures share on such occasions. The box originated from my father and his missus, which led me to guess it’d contain either some sort of adorably retro toy or some manner of practical joke that’d spray me with cold tea or something. I opened it with some trepidation, and inside I discovered…

The world’s first and only Rock, Paper, Shotgun cushion! When we are elected the New Gods, this one-of-a-kind head-comforter will be a collector’s item worth billions. I absolutely guarantee it.

No, you can’t have it. What you can have is an official RPS t-shirt that bears the same logo (and from which I presume my parents cribbed for ultro-cushion). The t-shirts are this: super-fashion! Englishers, we are looking into a way to make the postage a bit easier on our fellow countrymen – watch this space.


  1. Tei says:

    Pretty good taste, you really are a lucky lucky guy. Anyway you already lost it. Is owned now by that cat.

  2. LactoseTheIntolerant says:

    Happy Birthday, my good man.

  3. Ian says:

    Happy Birthday Mr Meer.

    If you complete all your birthday tasks you shall get cake.

  4. rei says:

    That’s very stylish. More importantly, I request a cat tag for all the stories where it’s appropriate. It’s almost impossible to meet my cat picture quota on this site, the way things are.

    (p.s. happy birthday)

  5. Gap Gen says:

    An RPS cushion and a King’s Bounty kitty. Aren’t you lucky?

  6. Bobsy says:

    What a shame cushions are inherently vile and useless creations. That one’s nice though.

  7. Tworak says:

    a year closer to death.

    you’ve got a really photogenic pussy I must say.

  8. Matt Kemp says:

    Gap Gen: Kings Bounty comes with a cat? I actually wouldn’t put it past it. How does it fit in the amazon cardboard envelope?

    In other news: Happy birthday.

  9. Fede says:

    Awesome present indeed :)
    Happy Birthday!

  10. matte_k says:

    Happy Birthday Mr Meer. Any cake for us RPS-er’s?

  11. phil says:

    Small point; you don’t get elected to the New Gods, you generally only become one if you appear in Jack Kirby’s imagination as he’s struggles to appeal to hippy culture.

    Also; Happy Birthday

  12. Thingus says:

    Is this cat the same counter-FEAR publicity one recently deployed in London? It deserves a rest for all the hard work.

    And happy birthday (obligatory cake reference) :)

  13. Kirrus says:

    @matte_k surely you’ve worked out by now that the cake is a lie? ;)

    Happy birthday :)

  14. ...hmm... says:

    merry berthday

  15. Nick says:

    Happy Birthday, Alec.

  16. Fashigady says:

    Happy Birthday!

  17. Larington says:

    Happy Birthday!

  18. Theoban says:

    I foresee RPS pillows, RPS soap, RPS bathtowels, RPS rocks, RPS watermarked paper, RPS shotguns, RPS flower baskets, RPS dog collars, RPS charcoal, RPS estate agents, RPS batteries….

    You guys could really cash in on this!

  19. Premium User Badge

    ChaosSmurf says:

    I might buy one of those T-shirts and just rap it round a pillow. And the use some pins. It’ll be cool.

    Anyway … yeah, happy birthday.

    @Theoban: you’re saying you want to rub yourself down with RPS soap. Is that what you’re saying?

  20. Man Raised By Puffins says:

    Happy Angry Internet Birthday Alec!

  21. DBeaver says:

    Happy Birthday, cat!

  22. Monkfish says:

    Happy cushion day, Alec.

  23. Colthor says:

    Happy Birthday, Alec!

  24. Biggles says:

    Stealth “it’s my birthday” post : )

    Happy Birthday, Internet Alec!

  25. Theoban says:

    @ChaosSmurf I’d get lathered up with a bit of RPS in my hand

    Oh god I made myself feel sick oh god oh god the vomit’s going everywhere

  26. Premium User Badge

    phuzz says:

    There shall be cake!

  27. Ben Abraham says:

    Oh Joy, Oh Happy Day this day of birth! Congratulations on your continued survival Mr Meer. May you last long enough to contribute to the gene pool and the evolution of our species.

  28. Heliocentric says:

    Why is it that dog collars on girls are awesome, but when guys wear them they look like they are trying to look stupid. Guess its true for lots of things.

    I’d wear an rps watch if it told me how angry the internet was at any given moment.

    Hell, i’d love to have a rps hardback book that i can place on a bookshelf and pass to visitors when they ask me what i do.

    The book would contain nothing but threads on piracy.

  29. yhancik says:

    Ah, Happy Meerday !

  30. Owen says:

    happy birthday Mr Mear

    >> a year closer to death.
    Lovely :)

  31. Ian says:

    @ Heliocentric: An AIM-O-Meter (-O-Tron)?

    @ Owen: You could at least have done the decent thing and spelled his name correctly. ;-)

  32. Subject 706 says:

    Happy birthday Mr Meer. A year closer to your pension! May it make you filthy rich!

  33. Davee says:

    Happy Birthday Mr. Meer! Too bad your King’s Bounty-cat seized the pillow – better eat the cake before he/she does.

  34. The_B says:

    I foresee RPS pillows, RPS soap, RPS bathtowels, RPS rocks, RPS watermarked paper, RPS shotguns, RPS flower baskets, RPS dog collars, RPS charcoal, RPS estate agents, RPS batteries….

    I’m waiting for the officially branded RPS Rocks, headed paper and Shotguns (as used against Angry Internet Men).

    Happy birthday Alec, may your birthday bring more joy than a biscuit filled with awesome!

  35. teo says:

    cute cat

  36. sfury says:

    The Cushon is a Lie!

    btw, Happy Birthday. :)

  37. James G says:

    Happy Birthday, may the year ahead bring you many more cushions, until your home is so full of them that you have to crawl between them to get anywhere.

  38. mcw says:

    Happy Birthday !

  39. Dan Harris says:

    Joyeux anniversaire, et salut a ton belle chat!

  40. itsallcrap says:

    Were this a less splendid website, I would be forced to suggest a caption for that picture beginning with, “I can haz”.

    Let us be grateful that this is not the case.

    Many happy returns and all that.

    Also, where does the phrase, “happy returns” originate? Man, I need to learn to focus.

  41. The Sombrero Kid says:

    ahem by englishers i assume you mean brittishers i stand thoroughly offended! happy birthday!

  42. Catastrophe says:

    Carry on my wayward son
    There’ll be peace when you are done
    Lay your weary head to rest
    Don’t you cry no more

  43. Reggie says:

    Tanjoubi omedetou, Alec! That means, “Happy flimsy pretext to show off my beginner’s grasp of Japanese day”.

    Seriously, hope you’re having a good birthday!

  44. Yegwa says:

    Happy birthday Mr. Meer!

  45. dartt says:

    Happy Birthday! Not long now!

  46. Alec Meer says:

    You are all very kind. Ripley T. Cat says hi. Well, more like”brrrrrowwwp”, but y’know.

  47. Heliocentric says:

    Your cat just burped at you Mr Meer. It was a happy birthday burp.

  48. Hmm-Hmm. says:

    A glorious and happy birthday I wish unto you, Mr. Meer.

    Also, that’s one very nice-lookin’ cushion.

  49. Redd says:

    WAHA! Have some of my raisins dear sir.

  50. tba says:

    Today is your birthday!?!

    ME TOO!

    Happy Birthday Man!