Wear Your Purple Helmet: Space Phallus

Yes, yes it is a penis firing sperm. Problem?

Something I always want is for as many people as possible to read RPS. The more readers we have, the better the site gets, and everybody wins. However, it turns out there are some people I hope don’t find it. My mum, for instance. Or people who go to my church. School friends… I’m here to recommend you play Space Phallus. (It’s working again now. Hurrah!)

It’s a retro-style side-e-ways schmup in which you do battle with all many of winkies, squirting their spermy bullets toward you, from the cockpit (I said “cock”!) of a disembodied dog head. I’m so proud of me right now. And it’s fun, too. But how could it not be? Created by Charlie of Charlie’s Games, it does the retro just right, with chunky pixels, primitive and pleasingly rude penises, and even a computerised “SPACE PHALLUS” on launch. And it’s got willies in it. Kieron’s going to be upset if I don’t make some sort of “head to head” joke here, so it seems people should post high scores below in order that we can somehow fit that in.

It’s currently one level long, but more are promised for the future. Enormous thanks to Mat, who likes games full of ejaculating willies, for letting us know. He’s in good company. Here’s the trailer:


  1. Lamno says:

    Gamers 1 – Conservative Watchdogs 0

    :) The world would be a sad sad place without games like this in my opinion.

  2. the probe says:

    A scrotum boss hasn’t been this epic since the Gonarch.

  3. Rei Onryou says:

    The most epic trailer I’ve ever seen. I had to try: 31731 so far.


    *washes hands*

    Still not clean, still not clean!

  4. oddbob says:

    I love this game so much.

  5. Morberis says:

    FW-1 at cpfw: Failed to connect to the WWW server.

  6. Senethro says:

    Its clearly been popular enough to kill Charlie’s games…

  7. Senethro says:

    Imagine I was smart enough to login and edit: By kill Charlie’s games I mean the site has been stampeded to death. Big error currently.

  8. charlie says:

    Hi all, it looks as if my site is back up now. i think it was my webhost playing up.

    glad you like my game :)


  9. Starshot says:

    Oh my god, this game absolutely oozes with style. I’d pay good money for a full version of this.

  10. Dorian Cornelius Jasper says:

    @Starshot: Eeew. Style.

  11. DigitalSignalX says:

    What an arousing, uplifting game. It’s sure to penetrate indy gaming culture for weeks to come, thrusting aside titles with less endowed graphics. hrm.

  12. Hmm-Hmm. says:

    Um. Not my thing, I guess.

  13. Radiant says:

    What’s that game that was on the c64.
    You were a dog, wearing a space suit, trying to catch emus on the moon.

    You had all these traps too; it was side scrolling… “space rover” or something.

  14. Radiant says:

    I’ve had a few

  15. Inanimotion says:

    Great game!
    I’m glad it’s not super easy either. Definitely one of the harder game I’ve played.

  16. Mad Doc MacRae says:

    Don’t get cocky, kid.

  17. Dick Dastardley says:

    Extra levels: Cumming soon…

  18. Quin says:

    Gives me the willies…

  19. Quin says:

    It’s a phallusy to think such games would not be popular. Indeed, the more inscrotumable a game, the more inspermountable the challenges, the greater the backing such games accummulate.

  20. Dick Dastardly says:

    Had a quick-yet-satisfying waggle of this before work. If you don’t get the timing right, things get sticky too quickly to be truly enjoyable: it certainly provides a stiff challenge!

    Hehe, I feel we’ll be milking this one for a while….

  21. Lord Skwizzal says:

    This got REALLY silly didn’t it

  22. Down Rodeo says:

    I’ve not had a play with this one yet but it looks like a big challenge. Does he plan to have you pay to have a quick one later?

  23. charlie says:

    I’m going to keep the game free, but i may add a donate button if the hosting costs get silly.

    thanks for all the nice comments about my phallus :)


  24. Alex says:

    That music in the trailer is awesome. Any chance you would release the soundtrack charlie?

  25. charlie says:

    I’ll ask the guys who wrote the tunes if thats OK. I’ll be adding more music as i add more levels though, so i’ll probably hold of doing this until the game is done.

    for now though all the artists are linked from the space phallus page at


  26. charlie says:

    my site. oops!


  27. hodge says:

    Nice. All it needs is an inter-level joystick waggling bonus level, a la Mortal Kombat’s ‘Test Your Might’.

    @Radiant: That C64 game was ‘Star Paws’, though I don’t recall any wang content.

  28. finn says:

    how can i download the soundtrack