They Will Stick To The Wall: Sniper Update Day One

So very appealing.

Valve have spun the giant wheel of classes and this time it’s settled on the Sniper. He’s getting his update “in the coming days”. This means the familiar pattern will take place: over the next few days we’ll be told about his three weapon unlockable upgrades, new user-made maps that are going official, and a big pile of new achievements. Today’s announcement: a bow and arrow!

It seems that non-lethal arrows fired from The Huntsman will stick in players until they die, and headshots will not only take them out, but if near enough to a wall will hang them up like a painting. Hurrah! FEAR 2 is the last game I can think of that let you nail the enemies to the scenery, and blimey it was fun.

The Huntsman is hilariously explained by Valve thus:

“Any experienced sniper will tell you how irritating it is when your targets keep moving around. The question is how to stop these cheaters from wind-sprinting around like they own the place. And the answer is to pin them to a wall. How? With arrows! “Now, hold on,” you might be thinking. “I’m strong, but no one could throw an arrow that hard.” Introducing the Huntsman longbow, which solves that age-old throwing problem.

“Now, hold on,” you keep saying. “Aren’t bows and arrows primitive and harmless?” Why don’t you ask the dinosaurs? Except you can’t, because the cavemen bow and arrowed them to death. One headshot from the Huntsman can mean an instant crit, in addition to a bolt-riddled corpse hanging from a wall that’s gruesome and funny. And even if you don’t kill them, they’ll carry around a certain arrow-shaped something as a living testament to your awesome archery skills and their frankly unawesome dodging skills. Comes with 18 arrows and a one-second charge for full power shots.”

So, it’s time for the usual guessing what’s to come. Two more weapons? Binoculars? Laser guides?

150 Comments

  1. Chis says:

    Crikey. I might actually go back to TF2 for this.

  2. gulag says:

    Life, Art, etc.
    link to spedr.com

  3. Lambo says:

    So far so unbelievably awesome. Anyone taking bets on whether the next one is a little camp you can set up so that your aim/reload/damage is better but you cant move while its up and it has a lengthy time to take it down?

    Nah thats just me.

  4. shinygerbil says:

    I think that TF2 has now jumped the shark.

    Some people may argue that it happened earlier – but I’ve not really cared enough about previous updates to know.

    This gerbil is sad.

    edit: oh, and of course some people like the new stuff. I am, of course, stating my own opinion. I’m just saying some words, about a thing. That is all.

  5. ChampionHyena says:

    No crossbow?

    Valve, have you turned your back on the mighty mighty crossbow!?

    WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY

    Nah, this looks fun. Anything that reminds me of F.E.A.R.’s HV Penetrator (as Mr. Walker kindly pointed out) is a bonus, no matter which class.

  6. Tums Ultra 1000 says:

    I wonder which raid boss I’ll have to kill to get that phat lewt.

  7. Byron_Black says:

    link to teamfortress.com

    Another unlockable?

  8. Mighty Florist says:

    Didn’t Painkiller have a similar type scenery-sticking weapon? Except for tiny arrows, you shot the majority of a tree trunk?

  9. Meatloaf says:

    I must say, that sounds like all manner of fun-times.

    I really did love the HV Penetrator, and not just because of the name. This looks like a fitting comprimise.

  10. Turin Turambar says:

    Now don’t put this shit behind a grind of achievements to unlock them. Give it to everybody and that’s it.

  11. Ben says:

    Florist is correct. You got to stake people/demons to the walls with a huge sharpened log!! Which was pretty sweet.

    Loving the Jarate (from Byron_black’s link) “tired of people telling you what you can and cannot collect from your own body and throw at others?” actually YES!

  12. Ryan says:

    I HAVE BEEN SHOWN WHO IS THE BOSS

  13. Psychopomp says:

    “I wonder which raid boss I’ll have to kill to get that phat lewt.”
    Don’t make me poke your brain with my airplane fist.

  14. Shadowmancer says:

    Thank god I have TF2 on the 360 as well so I can play a fair game instead of an fpsmmorpg.

  15. DeliriumWartner says:

    I would love the melee to be a short range koala bear. You hold the cute little thing, run up to someone’s face and hurl the bear at ’em! Take that, society!

    That or booting people with your crocodile shoes.

    Secondary weapon… tricky… A boomerang is the only thing I can think of. Maybe it hits people around corners, in skilled hands?

  16. Psychopomp says:

    “Thank god I have TF2 on the 360 as well so I can play a fair game instead of an fpsmmorpg.”
    You too.

  17. beef chief says:

    i hope the achievments for this are better than the scouts.

  18. Nick says:

    Aren’t there servers with no unlocks on them?

  19. Shadowmancer says:

    “You too”
    Yeah, recently brought the game surprised that there is actually a strong active TF2 community on the 360. Hook up me sometimes gt = Shadowmancer88

  20. Stupoider says:

    @Nick, I believe there are! There are vanilla servers out there, and servers with other modes too. :D

  21. Leman says:

    Oh great another stun lock which will take control away from me. Thanks Valve!

  22. Redford says:

    I suck at sniper even more then I suck at scout, so I’m confident that even though this weapon fits my play style much better, I will never actually be able to use it. Thanks Valve!

  23. DarthInsinuate says:

    Hmm, I like the idea of seeing half your team running around, riddled with arrows, sticking out from every orifice.

    Comedy violence, ftw.

  24. superking208 says:

    @Psychopomp

    OH SHIT IT’S IAN MY FAVORITE INTERNET CELEBRITY, etc.
    Anyway, don’t you play WoW?

    (I know this guy IRL BTW LOL OMGWTFBBQ accidental TF2 reference is accidental yet relevant)

  25. Erlam says:

    Oh good, more ways for people to not be able to move. Thumbs up valve :(

  26. Serondal says:

    I don’t think it will stun lock you, it only pins you to the wall when it kills you so you’re not stunned, just dead :P

    I believe the first game I ever played where you could nail people to the wall was Mesiah where you (As a tiny baby angel) could take over the body of a . . . mutant thingy which had a giant gun that shot pieces of metal at people. It would hit them and lift them off the ground and nail them to the wall regardless of how far away it was or if there was no wall it would just rocket them off into the sunset :P Was great fun cause you could continue to nail them to the wal after the first shot so you could make them pose ect. The cross bow in half life 2 is kinda like this but you gotta hit them just right to get them to stick to the wall .

  27. Stupoider says:

    How do you mean, Erlam?

  28. armless says:

    This will probably be another unlockable I wont get, as it takes forever to get achievements by chance and I get bored going round the maps aiming to get them by doing silly things that are in opposition to winning the match.
    To all the people complaining though, for me it doesnt really affect the game that much that other people use unlockable weapons, its still balanced and fun. Would be nice to be able to get them easier though. Itd be great if for the medic they had an achievement for healing say 200k, then 500k then a million, and that would be 3 achievemnts just in that. As it stands the current weapons seem unattainable to me, but im a newb. On topic tho, I cant wait to see some scouts nailed to walls.

  29. Jujo says:

    Diazapam – helps you aim better, at the cost of hurting your power gauge.

  30. Devan says:

    That’s fantastic! I always think there should be more shafted ranged weapons in FPS games. The most fun I had in NOLF was sticking my enemies full of spears :D

  31. A:\Big.bat says:

    GENIUS.

    They can do no wrong.

  32. Nurdbot says:

    I hope they make some crossbow skins for that.

  33. Mike says:

    This definitely won’t be irritating.

  34. Russ says:

    Snipers suck. Is there anything else you’re gonna die to as much in TF2 without every seeing them/having a chance to fight back? No. Spies STILL have to get close. Snipers can sit in spots out of reach to almost all classes (I prefer Pyro so all I have to save me is the Flare Gun) or exploit terrain to be impossible to see as they fire through slits made of two walls. You can’t see them, and they’re crouching on a ramp or some other thing giving them a tiny firing space which you still have to run through.

    To balance Snipers, give them tracers like the Flare Gun does. It’s not hard to see a Flare flying from one place to the other.

    @Gulag

    I don’t read Boingboing. I may identify as liberal, but when someone yells “KILL DANGEROUS ANIMALS AND EAT THEM!” I’m like “YEAH LET’S EAT!” (there is arm pumping and manly weapon brandishing involved) So I don’t agree. In fact vegetarians are eating the rain forest. Blatant lie, but it’s appropriate to whining about killing things in Africa. If the only native there that’s gonna kill an elephant has claws, go ahead. Killing an elephant means a predator like a Lion gets a free meal even if you don’t take the corpse. Maybe locals will come by afterwards and sell the ivory. It’s Africa. Things rarely get wasted.

    Bows are hard to draw in the first place. Those complaining about it having no skill obviously have never used one. The entire strength in the bow is the speed, and therefore the strength, in which it can fire its projectile. It takes a LOT of arm strength to pull the string of a hunting bow, much less the skill involved in hitting your target.

    Given the chance, the elephant would have killed her in return for attacking it. It was a totally fair exchange, considering she had one shot. Which makes it a lot like the Sniper. Because it’s not actually fair. But she wasn’t using a gun, and no one is decrying the poaching hunts the well off did at the turn of the century. You know, that time where we get the term “Elephant Gun”?

    I think the real crime there is her obsession with dumb bets.

  35. Stupoider says:

    Hmm. I thought Valve was changing the way you unlock new weapons?

    I’m sure I read it somewhere.

  36. Himself says:

    old-as-Earth-itself Messiah allowed you to shoot people in the face with giant harpoon thus nailing them to walls from any distance.

  37. FunkyLlama says:

    When it wasn’t too busy crashing.

  38. DarkNoghri says:

    I’m also fairly certain they are changing the ‘unlock’ system. They said they were going to decouple the achievements, as I recall.

    This also looks like dead people stick to the wall, but not living people. So no stun.

    Didn’t Perfect Dark’s crossbow pin people to the wall? That was awesome. Maybe I’m thinking of TimeSplitters.

  39. DMJ says:

    Aha. Time to practise with the Spy to take down the inevitable legions of Snipers which will materialise on release. When the Scout update came out I reaped a huge toll on the poor fools with my trusty Natascha.

  40. roBurky says:

    Russ: I think your complaints are the reason for this weapon.

    The arrow will presumably have some travel time rather than hitting instantly, and also fly in arc. Meaning it will be a lot harder to use at long range and against moving targets, encouraging the sniper to move closer.

  41. Rei Onryou says:

    What roBurky said. I did hear on a podcast (either RPS or PCG) that they wanted the sniper to be more involved in killing people, rather than sitting on the sidelines and picking them off.

    I haven’t played TF2 in a while, and wasn’t fussed by Scout update, but the Sniper bow sounds interesting. Should probably jump in again.

    PS: Any bets that one of the announcements will be the new unlocking system or hats?

  42. Skree says:

    If that jar of pee is real (which it looks to be, hosted on http://www.teamfortress.com) then that’s bad. Talks about “paralysed with embarrasment”. So that’s two stuns in one update. Go for 3 next time Valve? 4? I’m pretty worried they’re slowing ruining TF2 with every update…

  43. Stupoider says:

    Skree, I believe you’ll find that the pee jar update was released on April 1st, 2009. :)

  44. Rich_P says:

    I think that TF2 has now jumped the shark.

    Agreed. I think the unlocks are spoiling the beauty of the original game, but I was saying that before the Scout update. TF2 was brilliant without snare spells and quasi MMO tomfoolery. I should seek out some no unlock servers (do they really exist?) one of these days.

    If nothing else, Valve helped me kick my TF2 addiction, which kept me away from most other PC games for over a year :D

  45. The_B says:

    Skree: The main reason people think the pee jar might not be real isn’t for the fact it’s hosted on TF2, but the fact it was released on April Fool’s day.

    I am guessing that if there are achievements, one of them is going to involve nailing scouts with this, entitled ‘The Eye of A Needle’ perhaps?

  46. Dorian Cornelius Jasper says:

    “OH NO THEY’VE RUINED TF2 AGAIN”

    Pansies.

  47. FunkyLlama says:

    After the disaster that was the scout update, you can’t blame people for being critical.

  48. sinister agent says:

    Are we forgetting Aliens Vs Predator? The speargun was tremendous fun, particularly against the aliens. Shoot off one arm, and they care not. Shoot off another, and they still come at you all bitey like. Shoot off their face, however, and you’re sorted. Wussies.

    I like bows in games, but they’re rarely done quite well enough to really be much fun.

  49. Senethro says:

    I’m disappointed. I was hoping for a mid-range hitscan rifle, none of this projectile stuff. Leading targets is hard :<

  50. Y3k-Bug says:

    @DMJ thats pretty impressive considering the Scout update broke Natasha, and it did zero slowdown.