Rock, Paper, Houseshare: The RPS Sims

RPS slash-fic. It can only be time.

I actually turned the RPS-chaps into Sims 3 characters when I had the preview code, but I’ve been a little behind in getting the full code so I could upload them up to the main servers. You can download all four of us from here. You can totally force us to make out. It’s awesome. Some more details on exactly what you’re downloading beneath the cut. Also repetitive use of the “And In The Game” gag.

Here’s our heroes:
We all look so worried and displeased because we're actually outside.

What are they like? Well, I tried to get the best resemblance with the minimum of effort I could. The limited amount of hair in the standard version does somewhat limit what RPS characters look like. Jim comes off worst, looking more like lovely develop-writer Jon Jordan than himself, due to a lack of his particularly scruffy beard and hair. John and myself are worryingly like our real selves, except I’ve got too much hair and John’s a little too far. And here’s our traits, so you can argue about them.

is a lucky workaholic grumpy light-sleeper with a green thumb. He likes Electronica, eating Stu Surprise and the colour green. And in the game!

John is hot-headed, excitable, Over-emotional and friendly. And has good sense of humour. He loves indie rock, Stu Surprise and the colour blue. And in the game!

Alec is a Neurotic, Grumpy, Kleptomaniac Vegetarian who’s also a Computer Whiz. He loves indie-rock, likes to eat Stu Surprise and likes the colour blue. And in the game!

Kieron is a absent-minded, clumsy, insane, easily-impressed slob. He likes indie-rock, Dim sum and the colour black. And in the game!

So, if you ever invite us around to a house, make Stu Surprise to be a bit hit. Ignore me, as I’m mental.

The traits were picked by the RPS-members in question – showing a worrying amount of humility that no-one chose the Genius trait. John thought he should have Childish, but I talked him out of it, as I think that was a little over-critical on himself, and talked him into having the good sense of humour trait. Because, he is The Funny One. Oh – and I didn’t choose my own traits, letting Alec do it instead. I suspect I’d have selected almost all the same ones, except for insane and easily-impressed. Though I can see the argument. I tried to talk him into having mean-spirited, but he sagely noted that wasn’t something he’d say to someone who is going to come and fix someone else’s computer. And from that evidence you can prove whatever side of the argument you choose.

Oh – while Alec, John and Jim all have their bios, I forgot to include mine. I use something like “Kieron Gillen is one quarter of RPS. He’s the one who may be behind you right now, with a mind full of evil thoughts and a handful of razors”. Feel free and cut and paste into your game if you make your own copy.

I’m starting to play a game with them. I’m not exactly sure what we’re going to do with. Perhaps some kind of succession game between the RPS chaps, with each inflicting horrors on each other’s Sims. Either way, if you’ve any Sims content you thing should be included in our little town, do link in the comment thread, and I’ll throw it into the town. As fantastical as you wish. Because it’s a game which, despite the And In The Game-isms, bears no relation to reality.

Look – evidence: Here’s us all in the gym.
Though if we did go to the gym, people would gather to mock us.
That never happens.


  1. Clovis says:

    big pictures get

  2. Borat says:

    don’t worry about men guys, make women cry instead, like this one:

    link to

    make sexy time with her, yes ? vnice.

  3. Amirul B Ruslan says:

    And in the game!

  4. Legionary says:

    I’m going to lure each of you sequentially into sexual relationships, then have a party with you all where I break your games-journalist hearts by kissing every one of you whilst the others watch.

    And in the game.

  5. Kadayi says:

    Cool I shall download promptly

    I’ll also whore some of my funky minimalist lots:-

    link to

    I recommend Modern II (60×60), as its a suitably austere 4 bedroom affair with plenty of garden space for Green fingered Jim to go crazy in.

  6. Serondal says:

    This can not end well, or at least I hope it doesn’t.

  7. Jockie says:

    @Legionary, you made me spurt my tea all over the keyboard with a hearty belly laugh there.

    The Sims is a game so ripe for abuse.

  8. Bhazor says:

    I seem to be getting less a sitcom feel and more a Silent Hill feel about this.

  9. Theoban says:

    I would use you in my Sims game, except every Sim I’ve ever had has died in a puddle of their own piss, with the sink on fire and crying about the lack of toilets. Even though they live in a veritable toilet jungle.

  10. CakeAddict says:

    “You can totally force us to make out. It’s awesome.”

    The fact that you find that awesome makes me wonder about a few things.

    Had to laugh a bit at the last screeny where Kieron sim is wearing some rather odd clothes probably because of the insane trait (which I never take again, funny at first but after a while it got annoying)

  11. Jeremy says:

    What is Kieron wearing at the gym? It looks like a leopard print sport jacket.

  12. Kieron Gillen says:

    Jeremy: That’s just how I roll.


  13. Brother None says:

    I’m not so much disturbed by the inevitability of someone making the RPS team members make out – that’s just the nature of the beast – as much as I am by the fact that Kieron seems to be rather actively encouraging people to do so :/

  14. Kieron Gillen says:

    None: It’s either:
    1) Reverse psychology
    2) Turning inevitability into comedy.
    3) Wanton perversity.


  15. flo says:

    @Brother None: That is what he wants you to think … then he’ll sue for virtual rape and improper use of his virtual image or something like that.

  16. Bhazor says:

    Also that chick in the last pic is totally checkin’ Jim out.
    Think you’re in there.

  17. LionsPhil says:

    4) All of the above

  18. Taillefer says:

    They’ll be like monkeys in a zoo, no?

  19. Clovis says:


    Toilets, toilets, every where
    and all the Sims did wish
    Toilets, toilets, every where
    nor any pot to piss

  20. Philip says:

    This, is, amazing.

  21. Flint says:

    I demand The Adventures of Sims-RPS to become a regular feature.

  22. Pace says:

    Eek, John must be better looking than that. Eek.

  23. Howard says:

    Does the link not work for anyone else…? =(

  24. Man Raised By Puffins says:

    Wanton perversity

    You called?

  25. Kieron Gillen says:

    Howard: It didn’t work first time for walker earlier. Worked again a few seconds later.

    Puffins: Hero.


  26. solipsistnation says:

    Dear god.


  27. Karrius says:

    Everyone does. That’s who.

  28. Howard says:

    Yea gods your model is spot on, Kieron. Therefore, Puffins: YEA GODS! MY EYES!

  29. Stupoider says:

    @Puffins: CANNOT BE UNSEEN!

  30. The_B says:

    As for stuff we demand included. here are my Left 4 Dead survivors. Feel free to do with them as you wish.

    Except maybe a fivesome with Zoey.

    …OK, you can do that if you want too.

  31. Tagert says:


    It actually looks like two girls and a guy are checking him out in that picture. Totally awesome orgy potential there.

  32. Diogo Ribeiro says:

    Awesome. I’m planning on uploading pics of my Sim as soon as I get the game – shouldn’t take much longer :)

  33. Blast Hardcheese says:

    Damnit see now I have to buy this game.

    I’m also worried that “and in the game” is going to be used so much you just start adding it to the ends of sentences that have nothing to do with it.

    Which would be hi-larious.

  34. Serondal says:

    Blast Hardcheese said “Damnit see now I have to buy this game.

    I’m also worried that “and in the game” is going to be used so much you just start adding it to the ends of sentences that have nothing to do with it.

    Which would be hi-larious” And in the game

  35. Frans Coehoorn says:

    Alice and Kev would love these guys. I want them to meet the RPS chaps. Which would be awesome and in the game!

    Do it! Do it now!

  36. Dorian Cornelius Jasper says:

    Stu Surprise?

  37. Frans Coehoorn says:

    link to

    It’s nice. Not very nice, not great, not perfect. Just… nice.

  38. Moonracer says:

    The only thing I can think which should be added to the game is AwesomeMod from Since from my experience the game does awful things without it, like eat your neighbors at random.

  39. Diogo Ribeiro says:

    “Stu Surprise”

    Now I can’t get off my head an image of Stuart Campbell saying this before making love >_< GAH!

  40. Kieron Gillen says:

    Diogo: That joke had come to mind, but I decided to side-step it.


  41. roBurky says:

    I think I’ve got Puffins beaten.
    link to

  42. Kieron Gillen says:



  43. Bukowski The Cat says:

    That’s the most wicked thing I’ve seen since goatse :)

  44. AndrewC says:

    So no pictures of Jim gardening or John feeding stray cats then.

  45. Diogo Ribeiro says:

    Kieron: I’m always glad to take one for the team :lol:

  46. Stuk says:

    Haha, this is amazing! Are there really 8 Kierons roBurky, or is there some Photoshop magic going on?

    Now I’m tempted to grab The Sims as well…

  47. Timofee says:

    A perfect accompaniment to any town featuring the RPS Hivemind: – Jack Bauer, Chloe OBrien, Tony Almeida and Hadji the Terrorist playing happy families.

    link to

    Sadly there isn’t an action to ‘Torture for information’ nor do they even use loud whispers on the phone for dramatic effect. A man can dream though…A man can dream…

  48. Man Raised By Puffins says:

    @ roBurky: Touché. I was thinking of retorting with a 32 Gillen dance party/orgy, but merely having 8 in a room together sends my frame-rates crashing. It’s almost like my PC was trying to tell me something.

  49. LionsPhil says:

    Argh. The dedication of you guys to simulating an actualisation of Kieron’s self-love is…impressive?