Harry Potter And The Free Demonstration Program

'Harry - all this talk about Muggles is beginning to sound a little bit like a Nazi thing'

We’re not exactly the biggest fans of Harry Potter here at RPS, because we’re grown-ups so prefer to spend our time on grown up pass-times like videogames, painting Skaven and marching around chanting that we are playing army, asking people to join us until a girl tries to join us, at which point we inform them loudly that no girls are allowed. But EA have released a demo of their latest videogame incarnation of the bespectacled mage. It’s about 600Mb or so, and you can get it here. Scanning its press release, I find the following line: “Players may even get sidetracked by Ron’s romantic entanglements as they journey towards a dramatic climax and discover the identity of the Half-Blood Prince” which makes me think that Ron is going to blow his load messily before discovering who the half-blood prince is. Lucky old Ron, I say. Anyway – trailer beneath the cut. Woo!

Man, I can’t get the thought of Ron’s ejaculate out of my mind now.


  1. ZomBuster says:

    Another one? I remember playing the first one at a friend a lot. That was 7 years a go. ahhh.

    They will probably turn it into a MMO too at some point.

  2. Stupoider says:

    And now I can’t get rid of the thought either, KG. :(

  3. Ian says:

    Stoopid Gillen. *grumpy face*

  4. Sputnik says:

    the first two HP games were awesome, i used to play them all the time on the PC. the more recent games however, aren’t so great. the 3rd was weak, the 4th sucked terribly, and the 5th game was flawed, especially on the Wii. So much potential for the game on that system, if they had better controls, and a fast-travel system or faster-running to get about the school, it would have been great indeed. My idea for a good spell casting system is you hit a button which pauses battle, pick a target, do the motions for a spell or spells, then hit the button again to cast it.

  5. Diogo Ribeiro says:

    I didn’t know who wrote the piece until i saw the world “ejaculate”, then I realized it had to be Kieron :P

    It just occured to me how, in shooters, the bulky, oversized projectile weapon represents the phallus, a male fantasy of power but looking at these Potter games, and the movies, it seems like the phallus is still there. It’s not like Gears of War where you swagger around with your engorded masculinity for all to see, it’s more like “do not worry child, your penis is small and you may just wave it around, but it holds power!”

    In other news, I’ve been skipping medication.

  6. HidesHisEyes says:

    I dunno, the trailer makes it look like quite good fun.

  7. Legionary says:

    Similarly to Diogo, I too read the word “ejaculate” then scrolled up to confirm I was reading Kieron. The day I hit a word that makes me think of Kieron only for me to discover it’s written by John is the day that the earth folds into itself and disappears.

  8. Richard Clayton says:

    Diogo, Legionary: I did exactly the same scrolling. I was not suprised. But neither was I disappointed!

  9. jonfitt says:

    Do not search for Harry Potter slashfic, you have been warned.

  10. Richard Clayton says:

    Love the photo ALT tag by the way…

    “Harry Potter and the Gobbet of Fire” — need to go to a clinic, old chap. Sticking your wand where it doesn’t belong… or too many dirty snitches…

    (I’m sure someone who had actually read the books could come up with so much better…)

  11. Markoff Chaney says:

    Heh. I did the same thing, Diogo, Legionary and Richard. I almost didn’t scroll because I knew who wrote it. I did allow my compulsive nature to allow me to look and verify my knowledge, however. Hey we need all the warning we can get of an impending singularity to attempt to vacate to the event horizon.

    Those spunky wizards.

  12. Clovis says:

    I don’t understand how it is possible that it is not an MMO yet.

    Generic WoW Gameplay + Harry Potter lore = buckets of cash. This has to be in developement, right???

    I almost want to play this to be one of the very few weirdos to find out who the half-blood Prince is by playing the video game.

  13. Clovis says:

    An addendum: When I was a kid, if there was a really cool book (or comic book) the most awesome thing ever would be if they made a movie of it. The movie would usually suck though.

    I’m thinking MMOs are the equivalent of that today. Someone’s making a Twilight MMO right? Right?

    And one based on “The Secret”. You gold farm by having the character think they are going to be a great gold farmer.

  14. Smurfy says:

    I remember playing the first one on my friend’s PC. You could pick up speed and run your broomstick right into the ground and you wouldn’t budge an inch.

  15. moo says:

    for those that haven’t seen this yet: replacing every instance of “wand” with “wang” in the HP books results in much hilarity.
    A magic wang… this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

  16. solipsistnation says:

    I think at this point I should definitely mention “Wizard People, Dear Reader.”

    link to illegal-art.org

    Oh good, it’s on youtube:

  17. SBF says:

    Bloody ‘ell, Harry!

  18. Dorian Cornelius Jasper says:


    Gentlemen, right in the first sentence he mentions Skaven.

  19. Edgar the Peaceful says:

    HAhaha. Classic KG. Laughed out loud twice in one short paragraph.

  20. EyeMessiah says:

    I want to second wizard people, it is definately worth making the effort. It really improved my viewing experience.

    Ejaculate is a decent verb, but an excellent noun.

  21. Phlebas says:

    I’m just shocked this is the only post with the “Unfortunate images” tag.

  22. Cunzy1 1 says:

    You forgot to mention comics as a grown up pass-time.

  23. Kieron Gillen says:

    Cunzy11: I think you’ll find comics are for kids. That’s why they’re children’s picture narratives.