Living With First-Person Shooter Disease

On this day of rest, do spare a thought for those damaged by our hobby of choice:

(Via John Scalzi via BoingBoing)


  1. Vae Victus says:

    I too suffer from an FPS related illness: Compulsive Reloader Syndrome.

    It has gotten me killed more times than I care to remember.

  2. CakeAddict says:

    Oh well at least he doesn’t run around with a knife in his hand.
    I really had to laugh at the Street Fighter guy, I hope I also leave the world like that.

  3. JKjoker says:

    [entirely pointless assertion that because I have already seen this surely everyone in the world has], and this is better

  4. James T says:

    JK: That was shithouse, give me my minutes back.

  5. Ratty says:

    I too have an FPS related disease, much the same as the guy in the video.

    Every so often I accidentally get my 9mm out in front of the wife.
    Usually she just laughs, and goes off muttering something about how size doesn’t matter :(

  6. JKjoker says:

    @JamesT: boo, it covers more stupid fps things than the fps disease one :p

  7. Max says:

    I’ve always wondered when an FPS is going to be made where you character holds weapons realistically. This video really points out how silly the current standards are.

  8. Odeed says:

    This seems suspiciously like a viral campaign for ‘Modern Warfare 2’…. Still awesome, though.

  9. Lorc says:

    The street fighter death at the end had me smiling.

    That other “quake in real life” video is awful. It’s the worst kind of observational humour; all the comedy value of explaining why a joke is funny, without the joke.

  10. Thirith says:

    @JKjoker: And that’s exactly its problem IMO. The video you linked tried to fit in everything and the kitchen sink – and it did so in the most strident “This is, like, SO DUMB!” tone. Quantity doesn’t make for good humour, nor does the need to shout at the audience.

  11. Larington says:

    Ook, mayhap there is a cultural humour clash going on here between the two different videos presented here today.

  12. Bravedave says:

    Thats exactly how I get up pavements

  13. Persus-9 says:

    @ JKjoker: That’s true but it’s not about content, it’s about comedy and I just didn’t find the clip you linked to funny where as the one Alec posted made me giggle like a ninny.

  14. JKjoker says:

    the only funny thing about fps disease is the way he pulls out things -_-, my funny bone is obviously misaligned with yours

  15. Chemix says:

    Strafing in combat actually does occur and doesn’t look ridiculous (in reference to JK), see: almost any boxing match, or any one on one firefight scene in a movie (the matrix, despite being unrealistic has a perfect scene in which this happens, but it’s much more common in Westerns. Real life firefights often are now mostly between people with assault rifles, which are much easier to lead with than pistols, and strafing doesn’t match the protection cover gives, but in a limited cover environment, strafing is almost absolutely necessary to not die.

  16. JKjoker says:

    @Chemix, remember that video is OLD, they refer to the tendency to strafe *all-the-time* in old fps you don’t see that in newer ones (you still see the bunny hopping tho)

  17. Stupoider says:

    Let’s not forget about our all too favourite Counter-Struck!

  18. Chis says:

    Sometimes, just sometimes, American humour doesn’t entirely suck. The best moment was switching between items in the kitchen. But it didn’t do too much more than raise a smile. I suspect someone such as Paul Whitehouse might make better use of the material.

  19. Pantsman says:

    Most of the video is kinda lame, but the street fighter bit makes it all worth it.

  20. abigbat says:

    that was really funny.

  21. lumpi says:

    I think I have a mild form of that. I find myself side-stepping (a and d in wasd movement) in the real world a little more than necessary, occasionally.

  22. PJ says:

    That is definitely one of my top-5 funniest stroke-related deaths.

  23. Sum0 says:

    @Max I always felt OFP/ArmA was best at the old “you are a head on a body” thing. You only see your gun if you’re, well, looking at it.

  24. Qjuad says:

    Put me in the mildly amused until the end group. I laughed like an idiot at the Street Fighter stroke-death-guy.

  25. Chicken Dinner says:

    Sucker-punched by the ending.

  26. SiUnit says:


  27. the affront says:

    JKjoker, Chemix:
    You also need to realize that strafing in FPS is mostly not done because you want the sideways movement itself, but because you can not move in a different direction than your PoV is facing without it. It’s a necessity to emulate that – if you could look around on the move without altering your direction (or the other way around) it’d be much, much less common, leaving aside that whole speed gain via mechanics exploiting. Plus you can’t simulate real-life evasion moves in an FPS with current control schemes without it becoming a clusterfuck, and strafing makes an acceptable substitute. So that whole “strafing is stupid” argument is a wee bit short-sighted/silly.

    “the only funny thing about fps disease is the way he pulls out things”
    I agree. Didn’t find SF-guy funny either, probably because I can only vaguely recall a shareware of SF2 Turbo way back when and only ever hated beat em ups. Well, maybe not hated, but generally disregarded as being un-fun, for me.

  28. Shadrach says:

    Old, but good fun :)

    I have GTA disease – after prolonged sessions, walking in the streets, I catch myself wanting to jump into the nearest hot car and just zoom off, alarm going off :D

  29. Muddy Water says:

    I remember I saw this really funny Dave Chappelle bit where he went about his day as if he were in GTA. I saw it on youtube; s’probably been removed by now, though I didn’t look hard enough.

  30. OJ287 says:

    I found six ancient 9mm bullets in my gravel drive while raking leaves. Now I cant get rid of the uneasy feeling of low ammo.

    (Theyre corroded green and still live. I think someone was using the quarry as a firing range. UK btw).

  31. ChampionHyena says:

    Wouldn’t Duke Nukem’s Disease come with coprolalia as a secondary symptom?

  32. Toby says:

    Unfortunately I have some air pistols I use to accentuate my fps walk when the house is empty with their satisfying, plastic heft.

    Dear god…

  33. joe says:

    Funny but a bit painful to watch.

  34. Tei says:

    I have a nailgun at home (a Pulsar 2000), it use compressed air. (note: the nailgun is one of the quake guns).

  35. Nick says:

    Thanks, hadn’t seen that before and enjoyed it.

  36. Mad Doc MacRae says:

    I enjoyed the video and felt even cooler that RPS reads (or at least knows of John Scalzi).

  37. TweetTrail says:

    Excellent stuff. I had a friend who had Mortal Kombat syndrome

  38. mejobloggs says:

    The heart attack at the end was awesome ahahahah



  40. Minicow says:


    “…but in a limited cover environment, strafing is almost absolutely necessary to not die.”

    No, no it isn’t. If there is no cover available, you go prone, you don’t run around, completely ruining your aim, while doing absolutely nothing to bother any semi-competent shot. Even if you *do* have cover, going prone and poking your head around it is often the best option.

    The prone position is rather underused in games. Soldiers fight laying down, not standing up.

  41. Stupoider says:

    @Minicow: Yes, but going prone makes you an easy target because you’re not moving, so it goes both ways. :o

  42. Minicow says:

    @Stupoider: Yes, but the tiny speed a human can move at will make no real difference to anyone with an inkling of marksmanship. Turning your profile from a 6 foot tall one into a 6 inch tall one, however, will.

    If you can actually find anyone on this Earth who knows anything about combat that actually advocates jittering around in an open field to protect yourself, rather than going prone, I will immediately put my face through my computer screen. :P

  43. Psychopomp says:

    What a brave, brave man. Truly tragic…

  44. Stupoider says:

    @Minicow: Oh, I thought we were talking about a situation in game. :S

  45. Minicow says:


    Whoops, sorry. I knew I should’ve included the full quote:

    “Real life firefights often are now mostly between people with assault rifles, which are much easier to lead with than pistols, and strafing doesn’t match the protection cover gives, but in a limited cover environment, strafing is almost absolutely necessary to not die.”

    Yeah, I was talking about real life. In many games, jittering around in the open is probably more useful than just going prone, but in real life, and realistic shooters, that’s certainly not the case.

  46. Stupoider says:

    @Minicow: Aaah, then I fully agree!

  47. Joe says:

    @Vae Victus: I suffer from the same illness and it’s bad, really bad. Maybe we should start a support group of our own.

  48. Morph says:

    Well I was chuckling, and there were laughs at the item selection and the unexpected SF death at the end.

  49. idespair says:

    Deploy the arm!

  50. Vandelay says:


    I don’t know anything about real combat, but I think the original quote was not referring to military fighting. Obviously, hitting the ground is the best bet in that situation due to, as you say, the marksmanship of the enemy and the accuracy of the weapons. I would have thought dropping to the ground when in a gun fight with ordinary pistols would not be your best option.

    Funny video.