Living With First-Person Shooter Disease

On this day of rest, do spare a thought for those damaged by our hobby of choice:

(Via John Scalzi via BoingBoing)

59 Comments

  1. 12/07/2009 at 15:02 Vae Victus says:

    I too suffer from an FPS related illness: Compulsive Reloader Syndrome.

    It has gotten me killed more times than I care to remember.

  2. 12/07/2009 at 15:18 CakeAddict says:

    Oh well at least he doesn’t run around with a knife in his hand.
    I really had to laugh at the Street Fighter guy, I hope I also leave the world like that.

  3. 12/07/2009 at 15:22 JKjoker says:

    [entirely pointless assertion that because I have already seen this surely everyone in the world has], and this is better

  4. 12/07/2009 at 15:28 James T says:

    JK: That was shithouse, give me my minutes back.

  5. 12/07/2009 at 15:44 Ratty says:

    I too have an FPS related disease, much the same as the guy in the video.

    Every so often I accidentally get my 9mm out in front of the wife.
    Usually she just laughs, and goes off muttering something about how size doesn’t matter :(

  6. 12/07/2009 at 15:58 JKjoker says:

    @JamesT: boo, it covers more stupid fps things than the fps disease one :p

  7. 12/07/2009 at 16:02 Max says:

    I’ve always wondered when an FPS is going to be made where you character holds weapons realistically. This video really points out how silly the current standards are.

  8. 12/07/2009 at 16:10 Odeed says:

    This seems suspiciously like a viral campaign for ‘Modern Warfare 2’…. Still awesome, though.

  9. 12/07/2009 at 16:10 Lorc says:

    The street fighter death at the end had me smiling.

    That other “quake in real life” video is awful. It’s the worst kind of observational humour; all the comedy value of explaining why a joke is funny, without the joke.

  10. 12/07/2009 at 16:10 Thirith says:

    @JKjoker: And that’s exactly its problem IMO. The video you linked tried to fit in everything and the kitchen sink – and it did so in the most strident “This is, like, SO DUMB!” tone. Quantity doesn’t make for good humour, nor does the need to shout at the audience.

  11. 12/07/2009 at 16:20 Larington says:

    Ook, mayhap there is a cultural humour clash going on here between the two different videos presented here today.

  12. 12/07/2009 at 16:22 Bravedave says:

    Thats exactly how I get up pavements

  13. 12/07/2009 at 16:24 Persus-9 says:

    @ JKjoker: That’s true but it’s not about content, it’s about comedy and I just didn’t find the clip you linked to funny where as the one Alec posted made me giggle like a ninny.

  14. 12/07/2009 at 16:25 JKjoker says:

    the only funny thing about fps disease is the way he pulls out things -_-, my funny bone is obviously misaligned with yours

  15. 12/07/2009 at 16:36 Chemix says:

    Strafing in combat actually does occur and doesn’t look ridiculous (in reference to JK), see: almost any boxing match, or any one on one firefight scene in a movie (the matrix, despite being unrealistic has a perfect scene in which this happens, but it’s much more common in Westerns. Real life firefights often are now mostly between people with assault rifles, which are much easier to lead with than pistols, and strafing doesn’t match the protection cover gives, but in a limited cover environment, strafing is almost absolutely necessary to not die.

  16. 12/07/2009 at 16:40 JKjoker says:

    @Chemix, remember that video is OLD, they refer to the tendency to strafe *all-the-time* in old fps you don’t see that in newer ones (you still see the bunny hopping tho)

  17. 12/07/2009 at 16:42 Stupoider says:

    Let’s not forget about our all too favourite Counter-Struck!

  18. 12/07/2009 at 16:49 Chis says:

    Sometimes, just sometimes, American humour doesn’t entirely suck. The best moment was switching between items in the kitchen. But it didn’t do too much more than raise a smile. I suspect someone such as Paul Whitehouse might make better use of the material.

  19. 12/07/2009 at 16:53 Pantsman says:

    Most of the video is kinda lame, but the street fighter bit makes it all worth it.

  20. 12/07/2009 at 17:04 abigbat says:

    that was really funny.

  21. 12/07/2009 at 17:04 lumpi says:

    I think I have a mild form of that. I find myself side-stepping (a and d in wasd movement) in the real world a little more than necessary, occasionally.

  22. 12/07/2009 at 17:21 PJ says:

    That is definitely one of my top-5 funniest stroke-related deaths.

  23. 12/07/2009 at 17:22 Sum0 says:

    @Max I always felt OFP/ArmA was best at the old “you are a head on a body” thing. You only see your gun if you’re, well, looking at it.

  24. 12/07/2009 at 17:27 Qjuad says:

    Put me in the mildly amused until the end group. I laughed like an idiot at the Street Fighter stroke-death-guy.

  25. 12/07/2009 at 17:38 Chicken Dinner says:

    Sucker-punched by the ending.

  26. 12/07/2009 at 17:55 SiUnit says:

    Awesome!

  27. 12/07/2009 at 17:58 the affront says:

    JKjoker, Chemix:
    You also need to realize that strafing in FPS is mostly not done because you want the sideways movement itself, but because you can not move in a different direction than your PoV is facing without it. It’s a necessity to emulate that – if you could look around on the move without altering your direction (or the other way around) it’d be much, much less common, leaving aside that whole speed gain via mechanics exploiting. Plus you can’t simulate real-life evasion moves in an FPS with current control schemes without it becoming a clusterfuck, and strafing makes an acceptable substitute. So that whole “strafing is stupid” argument is a wee bit short-sighted/silly.

    “the only funny thing about fps disease is the way he pulls out things”
    I agree. Didn’t find SF-guy funny either, probably because I can only vaguely recall a shareware of SF2 Turbo way back when and only ever hated beat em ups. Well, maybe not hated, but generally disregarded as being un-fun, for me.

  28. 12/07/2009 at 17:58 Shadrach says:

    Old, but good fun :)

    I have GTA disease – after prolonged sessions, walking in the streets, I catch myself wanting to jump into the nearest hot car and just zoom off, alarm going off :D

  29. 12/07/2009 at 18:22 Muddy Water says:

    @Shadrach:
    I remember I saw this really funny Dave Chappelle bit where he went about his day as if he were in GTA. I saw it on youtube; s’probably been removed by now, though I didn’t look hard enough.

  30. 12/07/2009 at 18:42 OJ287 says:

    I found six ancient 9mm bullets in my gravel drive while raking leaves. Now I cant get rid of the uneasy feeling of low ammo.

    (Theyre corroded green and still live. I think someone was using the quarry as a firing range. UK btw).

  31. 12/07/2009 at 18:53 ChampionHyena says:

    Wouldn’t Duke Nukem’s Disease come with coprolalia as a secondary symptom?

  32. 12/07/2009 at 19:06 Toby says:

    Unfortunately I have some air pistols I use to accentuate my fps walk when the house is empty with their satisfying, plastic heft.

    Dear god…

  33. 12/07/2009 at 19:16 joe says:

    Funny but a bit painful to watch.

  34. 12/07/2009 at 19:31 Tei says:

    I have a nailgun at home (a Pulsar 2000), it use compressed air. (note: the nailgun is one of the quake guns).

  35. 12/07/2009 at 21:05 Nick says:

    Thanks, hadn’t seen that before and enjoyed it.

  36. 13/07/2009 at 00:14 Mad Doc MacRae says:

    I enjoyed the video and felt even cooler that RPS reads (or at least knows of John Scalzi).

  37. 13/07/2009 at 02:16 TweetTrail says:

    Excellent stuff. I had a friend who had Mortal Kombat syndrome

  38. 13/07/2009 at 02:29 mejobloggs says:

    The heart attack at the end was awesome ahahahah

  39. 13/07/2009 at 03:01 VLADIMIRPUTIN says:

    Brilliant!

  40. 13/07/2009 at 03:53 Minicow says:

    @Chemix

    “…but in a limited cover environment, strafing is almost absolutely necessary to not die.”

    No, no it isn’t. If there is no cover available, you go prone, you don’t run around, completely ruining your aim, while doing absolutely nothing to bother any semi-competent shot. Even if you *do* have cover, going prone and poking your head around it is often the best option.

    The prone position is rather underused in games. Soldiers fight laying down, not standing up.

  41. 13/07/2009 at 04:02 Stupoider says:

    @Minicow: Yes, but going prone makes you an easy target because you’re not moving, so it goes both ways. :o

  42. 13/07/2009 at 04:27 Minicow says:

    @Stupoider: Yes, but the tiny speed a human can move at will make no real difference to anyone with an inkling of marksmanship. Turning your profile from a 6 foot tall one into a 6 inch tall one, however, will.

    If you can actually find anyone on this Earth who knows anything about combat that actually advocates jittering around in an open field to protect yourself, rather than going prone, I will immediately put my face through my computer screen. :P

  43. 13/07/2009 at 05:29 Psychopomp says:

    What a brave, brave man. Truly tragic…

  44. 13/07/2009 at 05:57 Stupoider says:

    @Minicow: Oh, I thought we were talking about a situation in game. :S

  45. 13/07/2009 at 06:34 Minicow says:

    @Stupoider

    Whoops, sorry. I knew I should’ve included the full quote:

    “Real life firefights often are now mostly between people with assault rifles, which are much easier to lead with than pistols, and strafing doesn’t match the protection cover gives, but in a limited cover environment, strafing is almost absolutely necessary to not die.”

    Yeah, I was talking about real life. In many games, jittering around in the open is probably more useful than just going prone, but in real life, and realistic shooters, that’s certainly not the case.

  46. 13/07/2009 at 06:56 Stupoider says:

    @Minicow: Aaah, then I fully agree!

  47. 13/07/2009 at 09:42 Joe says:

    @Vae Victus: I suffer from the same illness and it’s bad, really bad. Maybe we should start a support group of our own.

  48. 13/07/2009 at 11:03 Morph says:

    Well I was chuckling, and there were laughs at the item selection and the unexpected SF death at the end.

  49. 13/07/2009 at 11:15 idespair says:

    Deploy the arm!

  50. 13/07/2009 at 11:35 Vandelay says:

    @Minicow

    I don’t know anything about real combat, but I think the original quote was not referring to military fighting. Obviously, hitting the ground is the best bet in that situation due to, as you say, the marksmanship of the enemy and the accuracy of the weapons. I would have thought dropping to the ground when in a gun fight with ordinary pistols would not be your best option.

    Funny video.