“I Shit More Pixels Than This” – Top FPS

Ha ha, we all hate Master Chief.

Here’s the finest piece of machinima I’ve seen in a while, created by Lag Spike Films. Called Top FPS, it’s a spoof of American reality television, pitting eight FPS characters against each other in a series of tests of skill. With HL2’s Barney playing the part of Jeff Probst, they’re given trials from shows such as Survivor, Top Chef, Scrapheap Challenge and American Idol. It’s pretty damned funny. Watch it below.

This is all the work of SteveM and MikeJ, with – amazingly – all the voices provided by one guy, Dan Gavin (who does a better Scottish accent than the guy Valve hired). It feels oddly appropriate after my post from this morning, as it happens, especially with claims that /b/ were involved in some of the stranger results on Gamespot’s poll. Anyway, do enjoy:

Big thanks to subscriber Cole for the tip.


  1. Heliosicle says:

    THAT was awesome

  2. Smee says:

    This reminds me – I want a Super Smash Bros. for the PC.

    Just imagine.

    • Inanimotioon says:

      Sooo….a port?
      Cause Super Smash applies to Nintendo chars only.

      I’m guessing you mean a bunch of companies with no affiliation whatsoever (other than having famous characters) coming together to create a game where their franchises fight. In which case, good luck lol

    • CMaster says:

      Smah Bros isn’t exclusively Nintendo characters, not these days at least.

      Still, all I forsee are continuous arguments about balance and “op” chars.

    • John Walker says:

      I think this might be what you’re after:

      link to forums.tigsource.com

    • Player2 says:

      That is EXACTLY what I was looking for Mr. Walker. I thank you.

  3. TooNu says:

    HAH! that was awesome

  4. beefchief says:

    i reccomend people watch his other videos on youtube.

  5. frymaster says:

    there are a lot of talented people out there

  6. ByrontheMyron says:

    Wow, that was excellent! Best Machinima ever!

  7. Feet says:

    Excellent, a few genuine lols in there. ^_^

  8. cmd says:

    Simply Hilarious

  9. Pags says:

    This is lovely, but shouldn’t Marcus Fenix be disqualified by virtue of the fact that Gears of War is third person, not first?

    • Pattom says:

      True, but wasn’t a lot of Gears’s appeal based on the fact that it was a third-person shooter that felt and played like a first-person shooter?

    • Persus-9 says:

      I was thinking that but it isn’t any sort of advantage so I guess if he can compete in spite of his viewpoint handicap he should be allowed to.

    • John Walker says:

      Steve explains in the YouTube text:

      “Note: Marcus lied on his application to the challenge and was accepted despite not being an FPS. “

  10. GuiSim says:


    This is pure genius.

  11. Dracko says:

    duke should have won

    being the duke and all

  12. Mike says:

    Yeah, not bad. :P

  13. mpk says:

    At “No one likes a fucking camper” I fell out of my chair.

    And, of course, there really couldn’t have been any other winner. Fucking internets.

  14. TheSombreroKid says:

    the demo mans accent is a joke, it’s not supposed to sound like a scotsman, this one’s just bad.

    • Wulf says:

      If that’s true, explain “I’m a Black, Scottish Cyclops!” from the official Meet the Demoman video in which the Demoman sounds like — Gasp! — a Scotsman. :p

    • Mr Wonderstuff says:

      I’m English and he sounded very Scottish to me ;-)

    • Velvet Fist, Iron Glove says:

      The Demoman has an intentionally bad Scottish accent:

      “we though [sic] it was appropriate that he [the Sniper] was about as convincing an Australian as the Demoman is a Scotsman, or the Medic a German.” — link to teamfortress.com

  15. Simes says:

    Some good moments, but overall I didn’t care for it. Sorry.

  16. iQue says:

    Master Chief is an idiot. \:D/

  17. Senethro says:

    eh, it wasn’t bad but I shouldn’t have gone to it immediately after some Achewood

  18. Daniel Purvis says:

    That was hilarious.

  19. Stupoider says:

    Wow, that was fantastic! XD I wish I had that many voices.

    • Stupoider says:

      :O So this is the guy that made Temp Fortress 2! I suggest everyone watched that. :D

  20. Lewis says:

    I loved Gordon’s cheeky grin.

    • The Hammer says:

      The cheeky grin was a lovely touch in a machinima laden with them.

      Loved it!

  21. mrrobsa says:

    Brilliant stuff. ‘I shit more pixels than this’ was a great gag!

  22. txMaddog says:


    “No likes a F*ing Camper, dude!”

  23. Will Tomas says:

    Great stuff. I seriously laughed at the unforseen consequences haggis gag.

  24. Benkyo says:


  25. Muzman says:

    Ohhh the in-joke barrage. It’s worth it for the Mario bit onwards though.

  26. Mechtroid says:

    I’m just honored that I was able to be the one to share this. Seriously, it’s the first humorous piece I’ve seen like this that wasn’t over the top with in-jokes. :D

  27. army of none says:


  28. Daz says:

    Who’s Louis?

  29. Teknocack says:

    I admit that there was some great talent that made this but it wasn’t really beyond mildly amusing.

  30. Jack says:

    Oh my goodness that was brilliant. I was cracking up the whole time.

    A million times better than Gamespot’s stupid democratic vote, too.

  31. The Orly Factor says:

    They put the epitome of mediocrity that is Mister Chef in there yet forget about the heroes who pioneered and launched the FPS genre like B.J. Blazkowicz, Doomguy, and Duke Nukem?

    Ah well. At least Rick Astley winning makes up for it. [:

  32. bildo says:

    This guy needs to make another one similar to this where it emulates the insane results of the Gamespy best hero thingy. lol, Master Cheif getting owned by Bub and Bob….i would absolutly watch that.

  33. sfury says:

    I haven’t laughed that hard for some time, amazingly good machinima! :D

  34. Glove says:

    There’s even less obvious in-jokes in there as well: for instance telling Louis that “bypassing content is an exploit”, which is, I think, a sly nod to the furore over many L4D players skipping horde-alerting sequences. I absolutely loved Freeman’s pleased grin and the presenter doing a note-perfect Iron Chef dub impersonation (without even mentioning the show, which made it all the better).

  35. y2rich says:

    That was absolutely brilliant :D

  36. skizelo says:

    I enjoyed it, but Valve was a bit over-represented: It seems almost justified to throw in Chel from Portal and the combine from HL2 Deathmatch. Oh, and Gordan again from Garry’s Mod.
    Oh, and where was the SAS guy from?

    • Mr Wonderstuff says:

      Call of Duty: Modern Warfare.

      Lordy I recognised all the guys in it, I reckon that makes me a) a true gamer b) a sad person with no friends c) both.

  37. mattwombat says:

    Brilliant! Great start to a Friday too, woot!

  38. Clavus says:

    It was made in Source using faceposer, green screening and the models available. Most of those models were ported for use in Garry’s Mod.

  39. Darkelp says:

    The voice acting in this video puts many games to shame!
    I laughed when Master Chief jumped in the Mario section.
    This is genius, I’m going to watch the rest of his videos.

  40. Demon Beaver says:

    Reminds me further of the need for someone to make a model for Gordon Freeman with a high pixel count… but great video!

    • Glove says:

      Polygon count?

    • Starky says:

      No, pixel count is correct.

      The model is okay, maybe could use some more detail, but it’s the textures that need more detail. Thus more pixels.

  41. Anarki says:

    This reminds me of another good machinima: Takeshi’s Castle re-enacted in Battlefield 2.

    link to youtube.com

    I was will impressed with how they fit it all with Craig Charles’s commentary. No surprise they say it took 2 years to make.

  42. phil says:

    Asides from a clear missed opportunity for a magic mushroom related trip sequence in the Mario assult course were all the character see themselves their 8-bit counterparts (Marcus as IK Warrior, Master Chief as Samus etc), this was pure win. It’s a little sad that the voice talent and writing was actually better than in most of the original games.

  43. LionsPhil says:

    This is quite good.

    Why am I not surprised that Demoman totally steals the show?

  44. David says:

    No Doomguy? No Sarge? Instant fail!

  45. LionsPhil says:

    Also, it’s packed to the gills with memes. I’m surprised nobody’s commented on the companion cube, yet.

    The problem with Doomguy is that the roles of “generic space marine” and “mute with a gun” are already filled. Duke Nukem would have been an interesting addition, though, especially given space-fillers like “Allied Sargent”.

    @Anarki: Nice. Shame it’s tainted by the hideous UK recut with the aformentioned Lister drivellings.

    • mrrobsa says:

      “As my old dad used to say: ‘You put your boots on, I’m gonna slip into me Batman costume’ “

  46. Railick says:

    I liked it but honestly didn't get the ending :P

  47. tubbles says:

    It is not a bad accent. they all have good accents, it just means that they are very stereotypical and wierd.

  48. drewski says:

    The very last line isn’t delivered correctly. Sort of a dud note to end a fairly entertaining piece.


  49. Railick says:

    anyone want to explain the last line to me, as I didn't get it. ( I got everything up until then. My favorite part is the terrorist knowing how to camp :P )

  50. Savage Designer says: