80 Foot Tall With Laserbeams For Eyes

Eye-die, eye-die, eye-die!!!

In a post about an underwhelming zombie game yesterday, I expressed a yearning to instead play a game in which I was 80 foot tall with laserbeams for eyes, if only such a thing existed. A no doubt incredibly handsome man called Hamelin understood my yearning, and kindly linked me to a game called Crush! In it, you play something that’s 80 foot (or something like it) tall with laserbeams for eyes. Win? Win.

It’s four or so years old, so you might have seen it before – in which case, well done you. Have a biscuit. I haven’t, and I was delighted by it. Essentially, it’s Rampage – a big ol’ monster trashing a city while a desperate, tiny human army tries to bring you down. Astoundingly, it’s even sillier than Rampage. Did I mention the laserbeams for eyes? Yeah, those. Hold space to eye-fry everything.

Also, you control the giant green horror on a per-limb basis, which is the clever bit, such as it is. Each arm rotates individually, able to smash, grab or chuck skyscrapers, like some apocalyptic marionette. Meantime, the legs can kick or stomp. Whichever gigantolimb you elect to control, the rudimentary cartoon destruction is immense.

It’s crude and one-note, more a concept than a game. So what? 80 FOOT TALL WITH LASERBEAMS FOR EYES.*

* Hey, non-reading people – that isn’t its name, capiche?


  1. We Fly Spitfires says:

    Heh, I remember Rampage. What a brilliant game :) I bet now they’d remake it and get George Clooney to do a voice over.

  2. Railick says:

    I would say he's probably only 20-25 feet tall

  3. Railick says:

    Links are broked

    • Railick says:

      Never mind, they’re only broken in the forum which I suspect is not a problem. In the main post they’re fine ignore me.

  4. DethDonald says:

    Played this years ago, It is awesome.

  5. Charles says:

    Hahaha! It’s brilliant that he sent you a link for that game. Well done Hamelin.

  6. CMaster says:

    Yeah, played it a while bask. Is fun. Seem to remember that grabbing large objects in both hands and whirling like mad was quite effective.

  7. Railick says:

    Hrm, Charles. That's my name too. I've been considering using my name as my forum name as some RPSers do. Of course I would use my full name so unless your last name is Bradley too I don't think you'd mind ;)

  8. JeCa says:

    This game reminded me of Robot And The Cities Who Build Him ( link to 2dboy.com ), another neat flash game where you control… big… things with laser beams for eyes. It’s one of the games done during the initial Experimental Gameplay Project (that gave birth to Tower of Goo, later to become World of Goo if anyone missed that), so it’s really just an unfinished prototype that shows some good ideas and is genuinely fun for about the first 10-15 minutes…

    Anyway, you might want to check it out if you want to blow some more buildings up. If anyone’s interested in competing, I think I got up to city 65 before I gave up :).

    • Junior says:

      I really love that game, I wish he’d make a full release of that.

  9. Vilander says:

    80 Foot Tall With Laserbeams For Eyes… Why does the title alone, without the picture, remind of Aku from Samurai Jack?

    And Rampage was good fun :) Still play it every now and then on PS3

  10. Kua says:

    Oh, win indeed!

  11. Railick says:

    Thanks for that JeCa had some fun with it :P

  12. ordteapot says:

    The moment when I figured out I could waggle the arms while stomping like mad, and not just laser-eye everything, was effing brilliant.

    It also made the title “Crush!” make a lot more sense.

  13. Odi says:

    Didn’t PCG put this in on the coverdisc four years ago or something?

  14. Arathain says:

    I kicked things in the air, and fryed them with my laser eyes as they fell.

    Today is a good day.

  15. Michael Leung says:


  16. Lambchops says:

    Mmm . . . .biscuit.

    May I have a Jammy Dodger please?

  17. Larington says:

    Yeah, there was a remake of Rampage for the Wii, it was awful though as their attempts to fit the wiimote control method onto the gameplay went south and fast.

  18. Dave says:

    Looks at least 200ft tall to my eye. ……more win?

  19. Starky says:

    Counting the number of floors in the white building (15), with an estimated floor to floor height of 3.5 metres, (15×3.5) giving us a kneecap to ear height of 52.5 metres (172 feet).

    So assuming that the floor to kneecap plus the top of the head equals about 25% of total height (52.5/0.75) that tells us the total height of the man/monster is 70 metres tall, or 230 feet tall.

    • Starky says:

      Of course, that’s all just rubbish given the building he’s holding has 12 floors, while the red building in his other hand has 16+

      I would hypothesize that those laser eyes shrink buildings it’s the only logical explanation for the difference in building scale.
      Either that or that little building was designed for munchkins to live in rather than humans.

  20. GreyLord says:

    I can’t understand this trend of kindergarten graphics married with ridiculously long and silly names for indie games… I guess they think it’s some kind of rebellion against mainstream or something?.

    Yes, I know, the game’s not new, but they keep doing this type of games again and again…

  21. FernandoDANTE says:




  22. Weylund says:


    Because those sorts of games are relatively easy to make with a small team? I’d say it’s not so much a rebellion against the mainstream as it is people trying to do what they love without getting hired by a giant game-making firm. Or would you prefer this guy go and get a job making “Giant Viking Men With Realistic Breath Fog Clouds And Sweatings VI”? I dunno, I like seeing the ideas people can bang out in a short period of time.

  23. sam says:

    Wow, we worked on a game recently that is pretty similar to this!

    No laser beams but still very tall and crushing things, this one is playable in flash in a browser and is controlled by video (ie. you wave you arms around to crush things). Looks pretty similar otherwise.

    Feel free to have a go if you feel like it.

    link to games.millipede.com.au