In a post about an underwhelming zombie game yesterday, I expressed a yearning to instead play a game in which I was 80 foot tall with laserbeams for eyes, if only such a thing existed. A no doubt incredibly handsome man called Hamelin understood my yearning, and kindly linked me to a game called Crush! In it, you play something that’s 80 foot (or something like it) tall with laserbeams for eyes. Win? Win.
It’s four or so years old, so you might have seen it before – in which case, well done you. Have a biscuit. I haven’t, and I was delighted by it. Essentially, it’s Rampage – a big ol’ monster trashing a city while a desperate, tiny human army tries to bring you down. Astoundingly, it’s even sillier than Rampage. Did I mention the laserbeams for eyes? Yeah, those. Hold space to eye-fry everything.
Also, you control the giant green horror on a per-limb basis, which is the clever bit, such as it is. Each arm rotates individually, able to smash, grab or chuck skyscrapers, like some apocalyptic marionette. Meantime, the legs can kick or stomp. Whichever gigantolimb you elect to control, the rudimentary cartoon destruction is immense.
It’s crude and one-note, more a concept than a game. So what? 80 FOOT TALL WITH LASERBEAMS FOR EYES.*
* Hey, non-reading people – that isn’t its name, capiche?