Euro-Words: Torchlight, Assassin’s Creed 2

I stole this from John's verdict. hahahahahahaahahahaha.

Back from a quasi-week in foreign climes, I return to discover Eurogamer has published some writing they recklessly hired me to write. There’s a preview of Assassin’s Creed 2, detailing what I found when I nosed at the first couple of hours of the game, and perhaps more interestingly, there’s my review of Torchlight. In it, I claim that absolutely everything Walker said it about the game here was embarrassingly wrong and that we should all fire cannonballs at his face. Or did I largely agree with him? I forget. Let’s fire cannonballs at him anyway. There was also supposed to be a preview of Avatar up there, but it has mysteriously not arrived. I’ll have a little cry until it does.


  1. Gundrea says:

    Zombies are alright I guess. Does the cat treat them like mobile litter boxes too? And I liked the scowling monks. I suppose a little humour won’t go astray but I’m sure going to miss the Holy Land.

    Aside: I’ve given up hope of Blizzard ever releasing another game besides more WoW expansions. Remember how people were comparing how Starcraft II would compare to Dawn of War 2. It was going to be the RTS fight of the century! That was February.

  2. Mulayim says:

    “It’s a game that really, really wants you to kill a lot of stuff. But I did get bored. The idea of playing it again now is almost sickening to me, after the absurd binge of the last few days – but I’m quite sure I’ll come back to it, most of all because developer Runic is planning to expand it from its current single-player form into a quasi-MMO, and to add a glut of modding options to further ensure every player sees and kills different things.”

    And you gave it an 8?

    • Antsy says:

      After HOURS of compulsive playing. Its like having an infinite quantity of Mars Bars to consume. Pure joy until you just can’t eat any more.

  3. Serenegoose says:

    I think your review of torchlight is pretty much spot on. It's great, if overly focused. I really enjoy it and think it's a fantastic game, but I also very strictly ration it for when I just want to zone out for an hour to the bliss of short term reward. I think it works best that way. :)

    Plus -my- cat summons swords. Maybe one day the ability to combine spells into super spells will be modded in and my cat can summon zombie swords that infect enemies and turn THEM into zombie swords. One day.

  4. spinks says:

    I accidentally turned my cat permanently into a lightning elemental, oops. But I agree about only playing it for an hour or so at a time. It’s actually great for those nights when you wake up at 3am for no reason and need something brainless to do to keep yourself occupied.

  5. hausplant says:

    i dont see how such a derivative clickfest can attract so much attention and praise.

    • hausplant says:

      “…therapeutic refreshment of one’s body or mind.”

      i guess one man’s cup of tea is another one’s poison :)

    • Gundrea says:

      I would agree with you that I find such games boring hausplant. I got through Act One of Diablo II and then uninstalled it. I sliced through the Torchlight demo and knew I didn’t want the full game.

      However for some people that endless tunnel of neverending battle and constantly working to improve oneself can be fun. Even more so with friends to ease the tedium.

    • hausplant says:

      ive had my share of horrendously repetitive hacknslash games and had fun to some extent, im only human after all :)

      but my point is how can you so blatantly rip certain games off (art direction, gameplay, or whatever) and still get patted on the back for doing so.

      well, maybe im taking this a bit too seriously.

    • Xocrates says:

      The fact that the ones doing the ripping off were generally the ones doing the original (downright to the music) in the first place certainly helps.

    • hausplant says:

      yes certainly helps- even to the point that using the words “ripping off” may be a bit too harsh.

      i raise my glass to tirelessly repeating known, successful formulas over and over and over again then!

    • yutt says:


      I’m not exactly sure what you think is wrong with improving and modernizing something people clearly enjoy. Your posts to me seem somewhat like, “Starcraft 2 – what’s the point? I didn’t even like Dune 2.”

    • hausplant says:

      well yes, on the other hand i wouldnt want all RTS games to be exact replicas of starcraft.

      anyway, sorry if my posts sounded offensively grumpy, i guess i’ve underestimated people’s love for diablo-clones :)

    • Urthman says:

      There’s no shame in not liking a particular genre. I don’t enjoy fighting games or tycoon games or flight sims.

      But of course I don’t make a habit of dropping into the Street Fighter IV thread and saying “I don’t understand all the fuss. I never liked Mortal Kombat anyway.”

  6. Jeremy says:

    I think the best part about Torchlight is that it is essentially the equivalent of loading up a browser to play a quick casual web game, except it is a lot more fun, and incredibly well done. I can see myself playing this for years simply because it is so easy to hop into for minutes at a time, just as easy to hop on for minutes and play for hours as Meer has said in the article. Hopefully there are some solid mod additions to a more horizontal experience like Titan Quest, because like someone said on the previous thread, it does give the impression of going somewhere, where Torchlight just goes down, down, down. Maybe that’s the whole point though, you’re only ever 1 hotkey away from being safe and able to log out, and you don’t ever have to worry about Waypoints at all (I mean what is the point of those?).

  7. Lobotomist says:

    Torchlight does tend to be bit unchallenging.

    But given the fact superb modding tool will be given out ( same one they used to develop the game)

    Its up to community to see where it will take it.

    New classes , skills , spells … multiplayer even.

    Also expect total gameplay rebalances

  8. Gundrea says:

    Don’t forget the obligatory Warhammer conversion mod!

  9. Tei says:

    After reading all these comments about how easy the game is. I am nerfing my character on purpose. I have made a alchemist, and I use pistols. Almost all my points are to upgrade my dog and some imps that I can supposedly summon, but theres a bug (?) and I can summon these.

  10. Jeremy says:

    If you play on Hard, and don’t spam enchanting, the game will retain it’s fun. Some people have been spamming enchants on low level items, and getting ridiculous stuff. So like, a level 3 axe with 24 enchantments, it’s kinda fun to test out but a bit of a game breaker though, so be warned!

  11. We Fly Spitfires says:

    Cool, will check out the reviews :)

  12. Thants says:

    I’ve been playing it and, well, it’s fun for a bit, but I’m starting to get disappointed by it. The graphics are quite nice and it has a few nice features that make things easier, but it really is exactly Diablo 2, isn’t it? With less interesting skills or weapons and no multiplayer.

    I mean, I liked Diablo 2 but it has some major flaws that I hoped this game would improve upon. The skill system for one really hasn’t aged well. I would think that with the benefit of hindsight we could come up with something much better. But Torchlight has the same system, only a bit worse.

    Of course, it’s possible that I’m just expecting too much from a $20 game leading to an MMO. The graphics are quite nice.