What Would The Avatar Say?

I'm reminded of the Barbarian cover. Fondly, worryingly.

Who can tell? But Lord British has given his blessing, apparently. As picked up via Game Set Watch who picked it up from Armchair Arcade. Italian photographer Enrico Ricciardi has created an Ultima-themed calender, showcasing the 12 virtues. Which sounds like a euphemism, if I’ve ever heard one. Anyway, skimming through the images, it seems like it’s probably one for the Witcher fans. Oh yeah. I went there. Oh yes – ladies and/or gay men! You’re not left out. You’re just – er – marginalised. Check out Courage, eh? Pwoooar! (Are you sure? – Ed).


  1. poop says:

    something about how all the magic powers and stuff are poorly photoshopped on makes this really creepy.

    i mean creepier

  2. duel says:

    haha, this is very tenuously linked to being PC gaming news. But i don’t mind caus it made me laugh anyway, there’s just something about fantasy photography that I find so funny :D

  3. Inigo says:

    I imagine it would be something along the lines of “Name”, “Job” and “Bye”.

  4. Dr.Danger says:

    But, but, but …. there is only 8 virtues in Ultima world. Truth, Love and Courage are Principles that form the virtues. Plus their virtues are wrong as well. Ts ts ts …

  5. Muzman says:

    At first glance I thought “They’re making a sequel to Barbarian?”

  6. CMaster says:

    The fact pretty much everything, even the fantasy-esque clothing is photoshopped on makes the whole thing look rather disturbing.

  7. Tei says:


    If you are reading this.
    Can we be friends?

    Thats all.

  8. Broken says:

    Can see these making their way to some Evony ads.

  9. stahlwerk says:

    I don’t want to disrespect all involved, and I sincerely hope they had as much fun making these, as I had when looking at them. Yes, I had to laugh. The pictures stumble along the fine line between “OMG! Dragons! Wee!” and photoshop disaster. A visual fanfic, so to speak.

    But the Avatar, he abides…

  10. Arsewisely says:

    I like January’s metal detecting bard.

  11. Gundrea says:

    I didn’t know the virtues were all scantily men and women. I could have sworn they had a more metaphysical existence. Maybe a replay of Ultima IV is in order.

  12. MacBeth says:

    Photoshop worker needs to reconsider his attitude to what a female leg should ideally look like

    • Bhazor says:

      I guess these were altered to reflect the in game/box art dimensions and it really goes to show how the average game designer has no idea what women actually look like. Same with manga.

  13. Owen says:

    Aaah Barbarian. Happy times.

  14. Owen says:

    Although no Barbarian lass would have such weedy thighs.

  15. dishwasherlove says:

    I guess I’m just happy that someone cares about Ultima in 2009.

  16. Turin Turambar says:

    Please, The Witcher has much more style than this poor’s man Barbarian/Conan ripoff.

  17. Radiant says:

    A phenomenal collection of 80’s women.
    Like an alternate universe Alexander O’Neil video.

    What ever happened to Maria Whittaker anyway?

  18. TheFanciestofPants says:

    I dunno, I think the half-baked, super-ironically-generic fantasy vibe these photos have mesh very well with Ultima in general.

    *prepares to duck knives*

    • EaterOfCheese says:

      “Followers, attack!”

      *Iolo loads triple crossbow*

      “Vultures will pick thy bones!”





      “Yes, Avatar?”

      “Look over here.”

      “Yes, Avatar.”

      “What do you see?”

      “Well, Avatar, I uh-”

      “It’s Shamino. He’s dead.”

      “Oh yes, I see. Curses! Well, we’ll have to get him resurrected then.”

      “Yes Iolo, I intend to.”


      “Iolo, how why does Shamino have three magic crossbow bolts in his back?”

      “By the virtues!”

      “Whut? That’s not an answer Iolo. You’re supposed to be a master of archery.”

      “Try those on a locked chest or door.”


      “I’m hungry.”


      “I cannot help thee with that.”

  19. DukeOFprunes says:

    The Avatar would say “right on” because they don’t recognize “Lust” or “Objectifying Women” or even “Porn” as vices in avatarland/Brittania.

  20. Richard Beer says:

    This is absolutely hilarious. Whoever created this must be in some kind of 80s gamer timewarp.

    And what are they using to touch these up, Deluxe Paint?

    • Psychopomp says:

      We can only hope.

    • Tei says:

      Deluxe Paint is one of the best graphic programs *ever*.

      Nowdays the most graphic popular tools are the such like Photoshop and Gimp, that are not drawing oriented, and not pixel touching oriented, are photo-touching software.
      Wen you think about it, is a bit sad. But not everyone have the skills to draw stuff, or the imagination for pixel painting, so It make sense that Photoshop is the one popular tool, and not Deluxe Paint. I am sure theres a alternate universe where everyone has drawing and pixel painting skills, and Deluxe Paint is king, while Photoshop is unknom.

  21. Baris says:

    Wow, are those real people? They all look so fake!

    Except Allessandra Sorcinelli, she’s hot.

  22. Okami says:

    Wait. Twelve virtues? I only remember eight….

  23. simplicio says:

    Wait, did they just take nude models and ‘shop ren faire clothes on? And in the case of the dude, a new head and arms?

  24. Vogue says:

    How delightfully tacky! Ordered 12.

  25. Railick says:

    The Avatar would not be pleased with this I suspect. (Lord British is NOT the Avatar that is made clear in Ultima IV He is incapable providing a good example to his people and needs a random stranger from another world to do that for him. Now we know why! )
    Also this is my 999th post !

  26. Railick says:

    There are only 8 virtues but there are also 3 principles. So if they add Truth Love and Courage along with Honesty, Compassion, Justice, Valor, Humility, Spirituality, Sacrifice, and Honor that would make 12 :)

    Also the reason I said Lord British isn't the Avatar is because he gave his blessing and the question was what would the Avatar say. I think he would disapprove personally but that's just me.

  27. Radiant says:

    It’s weird that fantasy imagery is now stuck in the mid 80’s.
    Maybe it’s to do with the age of the people involved: readers, writers and artists?

    If you look at something like Bayonetta where they made a concerted effort to modernise fantasy the lead character is a milfy Tina Fey look alike.
    Neo Nerd Fantasy?

    It’d be interesting to see Funcom’s Secret World take on it.

  28. SleepyMatt says:

    Gives you a reason to stand up for Honour and Justice though, eh?

  29. Railick says:

    Behave SleepMatt ;)

  30. Magnus says:

    At first I thought this might be something good, perhaps in some way heralding a return of classic Ultima games!

    Now my eyes are bleeding from such photoshop abominations.

    Surely Britannia is in peril if such things see the light of day!

    • EaterOfCheese says:

      Britannia is lost :(

      I’d love a new Ultima, though.

  31. Spacewalk says:

    I was expecting a link to a power metal website but oh well.

  32. Ale Frassetti says:

    Damn, a catalogue of showgirls/wannabe actresses who roam italian television. The worst part of italian television.
    Even over there you know WHO I am talking about.

  33. Railick says:

    I actually quite like this calendar :P